I was a naive 16-year-old teenager. At that time, I thought having small talk and going to the cinema were the holy grail of a first date. I don’t have to talk, I can touch her, and there is popcorn. Little did I know that I ruined my first dates before it even started (raise your hand when you got ignored after the first date too).
As you see, I wasn’t sure what I was doing when I was younger. But after 10 years of helping single men get (and keep) the woman they want, I discovered the do’s and don’ts of a first date my clients and I use to get a second date, guaranteed.
Today I want to share with you 6 things you absolutely, positively want to avoid on your next first date.
Let’s begin:
Silent Date Killers
1. Lying on your dating profile
Here are the fastest ways to kill your date before it even begins: Lie on your profile bio. Or photoshop your pictures till the point when you can’t even recognize yourself anymore.
Meeting someone new online has become quite popular and is considered normal. A long way from when I was younger, dating online was considered something only losers do.
The only problem is that it became highly competitive for men because of its convenience and the fact that you can talk to women without being afraid of getting rejected.
According to Statista, 75,8% of all users on Tinder are male. This means to get a date, you need to stand out. And a lot of guys go about it the wrong way. They are short sited and only focus on getting the date.
But it doesn’t matter if you’re looking for a serious relationship or something casual; in dating, it’s much better to think a few steps ahead like a chess master.
You might get more matches and first dates by pretending to be someone you’re not. However, you won’t get any second dates. Women will feel deceived and lied to. I mean, how would you feel if she all of a sudden looks completely different?
Would you be thrilled about it? Nope. You would look for the exit or stick around till the end of the date because you have good manners. Well, the same applies to her.
2. Not planning ahead
How do most dates go?
According to many studies, it goes something like this: Two people who don’t know each other that well meet for coffee. Both feel tense like they would go to a stressful job interview. Maybe after a few minutes, they become more relaxed and at ease. But eventually, they’ll run into an invisible foe who will turn any good date into a disastrous one.
Awkward Silence will show up and show its ugly face. And now the date turned from tense into excruciating uncomfortable. Could this have been prevented? Yes, with proper planning.
You see, it’s normal that you might run out of things to say on your first date. Especially if she’s shy or isn’t talkative. No one tells you that even the most charming guy on the planet, under these circumstances, can carry on an interesting conversation for 30 minutes to 1 hour tops. Sadly, most men put unrealistic expectations on themselves that they need to keep the conversation going for hours on end.
So instead of being afraid of running out of things to say, the better strategy is to embrace and plan for it. Don’t spend your entire date at a coffee place. Do something active after your first initial meet and greet. Go play bowling, play billiards, or simply go for an old-fashioned walk.
My tip is to pick an activity you would enjoy even if you weren’t on a date. If you have a good time, chances are your date will have a good time too. Follow this simple advice, and you’ll sooner rather than later see the signs that she’s into you.
3. Going for a goodbye kiss
“I’ll wait for the perfect moment.” A thought every man thinks to himself at some point during the first date.
On the one hand, you don’t want to be too forward so she doesn’t think you’re creepy, and on the other hand, you don’t want to wait too long to miss out on your chance. So what do most guys end up doing?
They either chicken out and don’t go for the kiss at all. Or they wait till the end of the date to go for a goodbye kiss. You know, the type of kiss you see in every romantic comedy ever made.
You walk her home and go for the kiss in front of her house on the doorstep. In the movies, it works like a charm, but in reality, it’s the worst time to go for a kiss.
The whole situation will feel uncomfortable for both of you. It’ll feel like you’re forced into rushing things. And if she’s uncomfortable, she’ll block your kiss. Plus, it’s completely expected because it’s such a stereotypical first-date kiss, which will kill all sexual tension.
This is why the solution is to go for the first kiss in the middle of the date when it’s least expected. I know this sounds scary at first, but from my experience, it’s the best time to go for a kiss. So don’t wait till the end and let your chance to kiss her slip by.
4. Talking about your ex
Politics, religious beliefs, and your ex… What do these three things have in common?
You should avoid talking about those three topics on your next first date. Politics and religious beliefs can spark a very tense debate. But talking about your ex is a surefire way to make her not want to see you for a second date.
Why? She’ll assume you’re not over your ex yet. And if there is one thing women love the most is to be the second most important woman in your life. NOT!
Now what happens if she should bring up the topic of previous relationships? In that case, my advice is simple: No matter how horrible the time with your ex was, never ever talk bad about her. And if she asks you why it didn’t work out, then you just say the following: “She’s a great woman, but we wanted different things.”
This reply shows her you don’t have a toxic attitude toward women. And you calm her inner voice in the back of her head, asking what he will say about me if things don’t work out between us.
Which makes it easier for her to open up and feel comfortable around you. Which leads to a second date and more.
5. Being indecisive
“What would you like to do?”
This simple question can derail a first date, even if she is completely into you. You see, a lot of men are so worried about doing the wrong thing, so they seek to confirm every little move with her: “Where should we sit?” “When should we leave?” “What do you want to do?”
All those questions throughout the night show her you have zero confidence in yourself and your decisions.
Again I get you’re nervous and don’t want to do anything wrong. And we are living in the times of me too and female empowerment. So most men are confused about how to properly act and behave to not be stamped as a creep.
But your caution can cost you your date.
Data doesn’t lie. Studies have shown women want to be treated as equals with the same respect as men at work. However, in a relationship, most women still prefer more traditional gender roles.
Just remember this: You invited her!
So don’t be afraid to take the lead. Tell her where you’ll meet up and what exactly you’ll do. An exception is when you’re new in town, then you can ask her to show you around. So you lead her anyway by telling her to show you around.
Of course, I don’t mean you should act bossy. Just take care of all the logistical questions, so all she has to focus on is showing up for the date and having a good time with you.
6. Small Talk
When you’re on a date, your main goal is not to get her opinion on the latest viral kitten video. Your goal should be to build a real emotional connection with her. And small talk doesn’t accomplish that.
So what does? Stop worrying, start listening. “Will she like me? Will she like me? Will she like me?” Most guys worry too much about messing it up.
When in truth, the woman took her time to meet with you. The next time you’re on a date, just assume she likes you, relax and listen to her. That’s the first step to building a connection.
Why? Because she hopes you have the same curiosity about her as she has for you. To say it bluntly: no woman wants to be seen as a walking piece of meat. But if you show genuine curiosity about her personality, you’ll build a real connection. And the best part: there’s almost no way of being boring once you show genuine interest.
In summary: quit the small talk, get out of your head, and stop thinking with your D.
