Affairs are complicated. Oftentimes, men have affairs because of emotions, desires, and unexpressed needs left unspoken at home.
The last thing they need to make their dirty little secret more problematic is an open conversation with their mistress about what’s really on their mind.
Men are experts at throwing the “I’m just having fun” or “nothing serious” routine to the partners they have affairs with.
But let’s be real: men have all kinds of thoughts going on in their heads that they will never speak.
Today, going to show you 14 things men think about their mistresses but never say out loud to help you make a better choice for yourself and avoid wasting your time on a married guy.
14 Things Men Think About Their Mistress but Never Say Out Loud
1. “You make me feel alive again.”
Men often have affairs because they are bored, unappreciated, or not living up to their potential in their marriage.
Whatever their situation at home, it’s common for them to feel like they’re on a rollercoaster in their affair, living out their wildest dreams (and their mistress’s too), where they feel more excitement, adventure, and passion.
Related; 10 Things Married Men Confide Only To Their Mistresses
2. “I can’t give you everything you deserve.”
It’s a fact that he can’t give you the level of love, respect, commitment, honesty, time, communication, and stability that he should or wants to, compared to what his wife receives. He doesn’t bring it up to protect you and himself. Even if he doesn’t say it, he knows it, and it’s something that may be weighing on him.
3. “I’m terrified of getting caught.”
The guy can act as if he is a cool, calm, collected affair professional. But the reality is that most men in affairs often find themselves thinking about what could go wrong or if their mistress is going to spill the secret to his wife, family, or friends. He may not mention it or talk about it, but he is constantly worried.
4. “I wonder if you really love me—or just the idea of me.”
Men will often ponder if the woman they are cheating with loves them as they are, or if she loves the attention, excitement, and fantasy that being with him brings. He’s not proud of this type of insecurity, so he may not let on. However, he thinks it.
5. “I wish I had met you earlier.”
A common fantasy for many married men in affairs is that they often think or say, if things had worked out with their mistress before they got married, they could be together instead of secret lovers. He may or may not let her know this, but it is something he has likely thought at some point.
Related: 9 Reasons Men Fall in Love with Their Mistress
6. “I can’t leave my family, even though I sometimes want to.”
Men often like their mistress so much that they may fantasize or think about leaving their family. However, this is where things become very real. He has a lot of responsibility, and that includes his children (if he has any), shared finances, reputation, and more. He may say he wants out, but it’s not that easy for him.
7. “You’re my escape from reality.”
Men often find their mistress a breath of fresh air. An escape from the stress, pressures, and mundanity of their daily lives. This is part of the reason why they may not want to put a label or serious commitment on the relationship with you—because in their minds, you are a hobby, a side piece, and only for the short term.
8. “I feel guilty after I’m with you.”
Men who have feelings for their mistress, or who simply feel guilty, will often experience tremendous joy and adrenaline when they are with her. But once they are done, some may experience tremendous guilt. However, they likely won’t say this to her because they don’t want to cause her pain.
Related: 7 Ways Men Test Women in Relationships
9. “I’m selfish for keeping you in this position.”
Men know and understand that their mistress deserves a man who is single and available to give her all that she wants. However, even though they may want to tell her to walk away because they know she deserves better, they are often still selfish when it comes to actually saying it or walking away themselves.
10. “I compare you to my wife.”
Men, as they try to reassure themselves that the other woman is better than their wife, often still find themselves comparing the two. The thought process could be physical, mental, or emotional. He may not voice it or express it, but in the back of his mind, it’s there.
11. “I wonder how long this can last.”
Men often acknowledge that their affair will probably not last. An affair’s timeline is often limited. Although he may not bring it up and just want to enjoy the ride, he will often think about the expiration date.
12. “I care more than I let on.”
Men may try to downplay their emotions to make it seem as if they are just out for fun. He may be feeding you that, but as time passes, he may care for you more than he’s letting on. This is something that he may not say out loud because it would cause even more problems.
13. “I’m scared you’ll leave me.”
If you have a man on your side in a long-term relationship, you might often feel like you are the one in the driver’s seat and that you can just leave at any moment. He knows it, and as we said before, men in affairs are often scared that their partner on the other side will leave.
14. “I don’t know what the future looks like.”
Men will often stay quiet because they do not know where they want to go in life or with you. This uncertainty can be scary, so they just choose not to talk about it. Even if they want to be with you, things are often in a state of limbo with married men.
Why Men Choose to Stay Quiet
There are many reasons that men don’t like to air out their dirty laundry when it comes to their thoughts on their mistresses. Some of them include the following:
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Not wanting to hurt their mistress.
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The fear that the conversation or discussion could lead to pressure or ultimatums.
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He is not ready to face his reality yet.
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They have too much guilt to deal with already.
Just because they don’t say it doesn’t mean they are not thinking it. It just means it is something they are too afraid to deal with.
Things Mistresses Should Keep in Mind
At the end of the day, men are not perfect. They have their own thoughts and issues. So, as a mistress, keep these in mind:
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Actions speak louder than words.
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If you need clarity, you have the right to ask for it.
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You are more than enough to be someone’s secret.
Final Thoughts
Affairs should be between two people in the dark. It’s not just the physical places where they happen; it’s also the dark thoughts going on inside.
We’ve shown you the 14 things men think about their mistress but never say out loud so you can see the madness behind some of these men’s actions and have the knowledge to protect yourself.
Men can be honest, but only if they feel it is the right thing to do. The men who don’t speak up about these thoughts are too afraid to take that step.
Being honest may be the scariest decision for a man in an affair, but at the end of the day, it will free both of them to choose the life they truly deserve.
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