Narcissists often employ a range of tactics designed to keep you small and in a state of emotional dependence.
Their behavior is insidious and manipulative, and it can be difficult to recognize what’s happening until it’s too late. Here are seven common ways narcissists make you feel small:
7 Tactics Narcissists Use To Keep You Small
1. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a powerful form of psychological manipulation that can make you doubt your perceptions and sanity. A narcissist may use gaslighting to distort your memories, challenge your point of view, and make you feel like you’re going crazy. You may start to question your own thoughts and feelings, unsure of what is real and what isn’t.
For example, when you confront a narcissist about their behavior, they may deny that they ever said or did something, or accuse you of being overly sensitive or dramatic. You might start to question your own memory or perception, thinking, “Am I really that clueless?” or “Am I imagining things?”
Gaslighting leaves you feeling confused and powerless, making it easier for the narcissist to control the situation and keep you in line.
2. Love Bombing: Filling You With False Affection
Love bombing is a form of manipulation where a narcissist showers their target with attention, praise, and affection. It can be a highly effective way of making someone feel small because it creates a sense of dependency and makes the victim feel like they are the most important person in the narcissist’s life.
At first, you may feel flattered and overwhelmed by all the attention. But eventually, the narcissist will pull back on the affection, leaving you feeling confused and anxious. You may start to question whether you did something wrong or if you’re not good enough for the narcissist.
The cycle of idealization and devaluation keeps you off-balance and dependent on the narcissist for validation, which can make you feel small and insecure about your self-worth.
3. Projection: Holding You Responsible for Their Mistakes
Projection is a defense mechanism in which a person attributes their own unacceptable thoughts, feelings, or behaviors onto someone else. Narcissists often use this tactic to make you feel guilty or at fault for their actions.
For instance, if a narcissist has an outburst of anger or says something hurtful, they may turn around and blame you for “making them” do it. They may accuse you of being the one who is “always” angry or of “bringing” them down. You may start to feel responsible for their emotions and actions, even if you know it’s not your fault.
Projection shifts the focus away from the narcissist’s behavior and onto you, which can make you feel small, inadequate, and on the defensive.
Related: How a Narcissist Plays the Victim Game To Manipulate You
4. Isolation: Cutting You Off From Support
Narcissists are masters at making their victims feel isolated and alone. They may try to turn your friends and family against you, or make you feel like you’re the only one who can understand them. This can be a powerful tactic because it makes you dependent on the narcissist for emotional support.
When you’re cut off from your support system, you may start to doubt yourself and your ability to cope. You might feel like you have nowhere to turn and no one to talk to, which can make you more likely to stay in the relationship and submit to the narcissist’s demands.
Isolation makes you feel small by stripping away your connections to other people and making you more dependent on the narcissist.
5. Trivializing Your Accomplishments: Invalidating Your Success
Narcissists have a way of making you feel like what you achieve isn’t a big deal. If you get a promotion at work or accomplish something significant, they may brush it off with a comment like, “Yeah, yeah, so what?” or “It was nothing.” This can be an effective way of keeping you small because it minimizes your successes and makes you feel like you’re not that impressive.
You may start to question whether your accomplishments are worth celebrating or if you should even be proud of them. This can chip away at your confidence and self-esteem, leaving you feeling small and unimportant.
6. Silent Treatment: Withholding Love and Approval
The silent treatment is a classic narcissistic tactic that can be incredibly painful to endure. It involves the narcissist withdrawing all communication, leaving you in a state of confusion and uncertainty. They may stop talking to you, give you the cold shoulder, or simply ignore you completely.
The silent treatment makes you feel small by making you question whether you’re even worthy of their time and attention. You may go to great lengths to try to win them back or make up for what you “did wrong.” This can be a very effective tactic for keeping you in line and preventing you from standing up for yourself.
7. Guilt Tripping: Making You Feel Bad About Your Feelings
Narcissists often use guilt as a weapon to manipulate and control their victims. They may say things like, “If you loved me, you would” or “You don’t care about me at all.” By doing this, they make you feel responsible for their happiness and make you feel like you have to do whatever they want in order to keep them from being upset.
Guilt-tripping can make you feel small because it makes you question whether your needs and feelings are valid or if you’re just being selfish. You may start to think that you don’t deserve happiness or that you should just do whatever the narcissist wants in order to avoid conflict.
Breaking the Narcissist’s Grip on You
It’s important to remember that these tactics are deliberate and manipulative. Narcissists are skilled at making you feel small and dependent on them, but that doesn’t mean that it’s your fault or that there’s anything wrong with you. Recognizing these tactics for what they are is the first step in breaking free from the narcissist’s hold.
If you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s important to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist. Surround yourself with people who will remind you of your worth and can offer guidance when you need it. Don’t let anyone, no matter how good they are at making you feel small, define who you are or what you’re capable of achieving.
You are not alone, and with the right help and support, you can break free from the narcissist’s grip and start living the life you deserve.
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