Gaslighting is a term you’ve probably heard of, but it can be difficult to understand. Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where someone tries to make you question your reality, perception, or memory.
Gaslighting in friendships and relationships can be even more toxic and emotionally draining. It’s important to recognize the signs of gaslighting early so you can protect your mental health. This post will show you how gaslighting can hurt your friendships and relationships, the signs of gaslighting, and what to do if you suspect you’re being gaslighted.
What is Gaslighting?
The term “gaslighting” comes from a 1944 play and movie, Gaslight, in which a husband attempts to make his wife think she’s losing her mind by dimming the gas lights in their house and denying it when she points it out to him. By the end of the movie, the wife has been successfully gaslit and is questioning her reality.
Gaslighting occurs when someone attempts to gain power and control over another person by causing them to question their sense of self. In relationships, gaslighting can take time and be very subtle, making it hard to recognize until it’s too late. A gaslighter can twist facts, deny things they said or did, and make you feel like you’re the crazy one.
Signs of Gaslighting in Friendships
Gaslighting can be very damaging to a person’s mental health, so it’s important to spot the signs early. Here are some common signs you’re dealing with a gaslighter:
1. Denying Things You Know to Be True
If someone denies things you know are factual or claims that you’re making things up or misremembering, that’s a big sign of gaslighting. A gaslighter may say things like, “That never happened,” “You’re imagining things,” or “You’re crazy,” to make you doubt yourself and question your memory.
For example, if your partner or friend promised to call you but didn’t, and then when you brought it up, they denied saying anything about calling or made excuses to blame you, it’s a clear sign of gaslighting.
Related: How A Narcissist Brainwashes You
2. Blaming You for Everything
Gaslighters often try to pin their actions on you or make you feel like you’re always to blame for things that go wrong. They might say hurtful things like, “You make me so mad,” or “You’re the reason I’m feeling this way.”
No matter what happens in a situation, the gaslighter will find a way to make it your fault. For example, they might say, “If you didn’t act that way, I wouldn’t have had to get mad,” or “You know you’re so sensitive; it’s not my fault you took it that way.”
Related: 7 Sneaky Things Narcissists Say
3. Making You Feel Like You’re Overreacting
Gaslighters love to play the victim or make you feel like you’re overreacting, crazy, or too sensitive. They might tell you that you’re being ridiculous for having certain emotions or concerns and dismiss your feelings.
For example, you may feel that something they said or did hurt your feelings, but instead of apologizing, they might say, “You’re being dramatic” or “You need to calm down.” By making you feel like your emotions are overblown, they can gain control over the situation.
Related: How To Set Boundaries With An Elderly Narcissistic Mother
4. Using Your Insecurities Against You
Gaslighters often use your personal insecurities, flaws, or emotional wounds to manipulate you. They know what you’re sensitive about and use it to keep you down. This can take many forms, like bringing up your past mistakes, personal problems, or emotional issues to make you feel small or inadequate.
For example, if you’re self-conscious about your weight, they may use it against you by saying, “You really need to lose some weight if you want to keep me interested,” or “No one else would put up with you the way I do.” This can make you feel more insecure and, therefore, easier to manipulate.
Related: 17 Signs Of Gaslighting In A Relationship And How To Respond To It
5. Twisting Your Words or Actions
Gaslighters will often twist your words around to make you sound unreasonable. They may accuse you of saying things you never said or acting in ways you didn’t mean to. Gaslighters do this to make you feel crazy and make you doubt yourself.
For example, you may innocently mention something, and they turn it around to make it sound like an attack on them, saying things like “You always try to put the blame on me,” or “That’s not what you really meant.”
Related: 7 Clear Signs of a Toxic Guy In A Relationship
6. Isolating You from Others
Gaslighters may try to isolate you from friends, family, or other support systems. They may tell you that other people don’t care about you or are against you in some way, so that you come to rely on them for emotional support.
They may say things like, “Your friends don’t really care about you,” or “You’re just being used by them. They don’t understand you like I do.” Gaslighters can often turn you against your friends and family to increase your dependence on them.
7. Using “Love” as an Excuse
Gaslighters often use “love” as an excuse to manipulate you and keep you off balance. They might claim that they’re only doing it because they care about you or that they have your best interests at heart.
Gaslighters might say things like, “I only want what’s best for you” or “I’m doing this because I love you.” They may also use the threat of leaving you or withdrawing affection as a way to control you.
Effects of Gaslighting on Mental Health
Gaslighting can have many negative effects on a person’s mental health, including:
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Anxiety: Gaslighting can cause anxiety because it leaves you constantly questioning yourself and your reality.
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Depression: Feeling unimportant, unheard, or attacked can lead to feelings of hopelessness and sadness.
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Low self-esteem: Gaslighting can make you doubt your self-worth and make you feel like you’re never good enough for them.
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Confusion: Gaslighters are often very unpredictable, and their behavior can leave you feeling confused and unsure of what’s real.
If you find yourself starting to experience these symptoms, it may be time to reevaluate the situation.
What to Do If You Suspect Gaslighting
If you suspect that you’re being gaslighted by someone, it’s important to take steps to protect yourself. Here are a few things you can do:
1. Trust Yourself
Trust your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Don’t be afraid to trust your gut feelings.
2. Document Your Experiences
Gaslighters often try to make you doubt your memory, so it can be helpful to keep a journal or record of events to help you remember what really happened.
3. Talk to Someone You Trust
Talk to someone you trust about what’s going on, like a friend, family member, or therapist. Sometimes having an outside perspective can help you see things more clearly. They can also provide support and validation that you’re not being crazy.
4. Set Boundaries
Gaslighters often try to push your boundaries to manipulate and control you. It’s important to set boundaries with gaslighters and let them know that their behavior is not acceptable.
5. Seek Professional Help
Gaslighting can be very damaging, so it’s important to seek professional help if you’re struggling. Therapy can help you work through your feelings and come to terms with what’s happened.
Conclusion
Gaslighting in friendships and relationships is a very real and serious issue. It’s important to be aware of the signs of gaslighting and take steps to protect yourself if you suspect someone of doing it to you.
Don’t be afraid to trust your instincts and set boundaries with people who try to manipulate you. If you are being gaslighted, know that it’s not your fault and that you don’t deserve to be treated that way. Seek help if you need it, and take care of yourself.
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