Have you ever had that disconcerting disengagement in a relationship? On paper, nothing is wrong, the texts are answered, the plans are discussed, but one thing or another does not feel right? The feeling of withdrawal of your partner without uttering a word? However, when you have been in a relationship and it eventually started to dry off without any explanation or conversation, you may have experienced another trend in dating known as banking.
Today in our blog post we are going to get deep into the idea of banksying, how it occurs and why it occurs, the symptoms you are getting banksyed, and finally, most importantly, how to react to it.
What is Banksying?
The setting looks normal at a glance. The texts are answered, plans are set, yet, in the course of time the relationship begins to fade away. Your spouse becomes less interested and less involved in the relationship. They avoid the situation emotionally without explicitly stating the matter. The relationship ultimately dissolves at some point- through no actual ending or dialogue. Such an emotional removal, this turning off of a relationship slowly, has come to be called banksying.
It is named after the unknown graffitist Banksy, who became becoming a household name because of his enigmatic artwork. Comparatively, similarly to that, banksying is a gradual, conscious process of deprivation, which leaves the other person in the dark, blindsighted and confused. There is no big dramatic break up involved, but a quiet, passive way in which your partner is pulling further and further away without a word about it.
Why do people banksy?
People have a number of reasons to engage in banksying in a relationship and by examining these reasons, you will be able to figure out exactly what is going on. These are some of the common reasons:
01. Running Away from Conflict
There are those who are afraid of the pain of a close encounter. Rather than discuss their emotions with one another, they shut out emotionally and instead hope the involved person gets the hint without having to do a clumsy conversation about the matter.
2. Lack of Emotional Maturity
An emotionally immature person might not be capable of dealing with relationship issues in the most appropriate ways. Instead of dealing with the problems directly, they will separate thus increasing the difficulty to solve the problem by the two partners.
3. The desire not to hurt the other person’s feelings
It is also true that the individual who banksying may think that the other person will be spared feelings because one avoids dealing directly. They may believe that they can cause minimum damage by disappearing than breaking up with the other person.
4. Emotional Detachment
With time, one of the partners can just grow emotionally disconnected. Once they start detaching, they may fail to recognize an admit the issues in the relationship hence they pull out without offering an explanation.
Signs of Banksying
In case you think you are involved in a relationship that is experiencing banksying, then there are a number of red flags to look out for. These are not necessarily noticeable immediately, although gradually you might begin to realize such change of behavior:
1. Decreased Communication
Dialog further takes a more removed form. You find that your partner is responding with shorter and fewer answers or takes considerably longer to respond. As an example, they could always simply send you a quick k or read your messages without giving you thoughtful responses. Calls and returns that were met within 2 seconds previously are taking longer time to be responded to or simply left unresponded.
2. They stop planning the future with you
Your partner may not commit to something in the future, whether it is the weekend, a holiday, or anything casual when you suggest them. You will get an answer like, We will see, or I do not know yet, compared to hearing the excitement on the plans. Such an unwillingness to commit to the future may indicate that your partner has lost the interest in the relationship.
3. They’re no longer connected emotionally
The strong feelings that you both held each other with starts fading. You are no longer exchanging ideas, opinion or experience with your partner. You feel the emotional distance getting keener and you feel like you are gradually being excluded in their life. This detachment might be very baffling and agonizing, and you may wonder why they appear distant without giving any rationalization.
4. Contradictory Behavior
Your partner may tell you that everything is okay yet behaviors speak volumes. They can call off the plans without any good reason or feel uninterested when talking to you and you are unable to understand whether they really like what they say. Such discrepancy between words and actions may be confusing and leave you wondering what is really happening.
5. Not being Closed
At the time when the relationship finally breaks up, it usually does so without a distinct reason. There is no negotiation, there is no conclusion. You are left with unanswered questions with a sense of confusion like there was no end to the relationship. This may leave you in a state whereby you cannot move on as you feel that something is yet to be completed.
What to do when you are banksyd
When you suspect that you might be the recipient end of banksying, then it is best to carry the situation with a lot of clarity as well as self-respect. These are some of the steps that can guide you on how to proceed regarding this sticky situation:
1. Listen To Your Intuition
When something seems not right about your relationship, do not ignore it. Follow your feelings and observe them. You just get the feeling changes or shifts are there but your partner is not necessarily talking much about them. Beware of wondering whether you are being pulled away because sometimes those suspicions tend to be true.
2. Communicate Openly
The most viable means to counter any suspicions and doubts is to discuss with your partner. Come to the discussion without accusing anyone, and convey your feelings. Dwelling on what you feel and what you see instead of criticizing. You should be willing to listen to them but also tell them what you have been observing.
3. Seek Support
Exercising emotional struggles is never simple, more so when you are not aware of what is going on in your relationship. Talk to reputable friends, family or therapist. Discussing it with a trusted person might help you see the picture more clearly and provide emotional help when everything seems so confusing.
4. Set Boundaries
When your partner persistently detaches with no reason at all then you need to set boundaries to take care of your emotions. This can be done by establishing boundaries to curb more emotional damage and allow you to recover.
5. Prioritize Self-Care
When one is going through a difficult relationship, self-care is important. Participate in the actions that support mental, physical, and emotional health. Spend some time with loved ones, practice hobbies, exercise and ensure that you are taking care of yourself. The situation can be emotionally handled because you will have become firm due to the emotional resilience you will have built up.
In Summary
Breaking up is subtle, but emotionally powerful, e.g. banksying. It usually makes your partner feel lost and upset and wondering what could have happened. By identifying the red flags of banksying as well as the ways to react to them, you will be able to label the phenomena, make sense of what is happening, see the danger on time and take actions to preserve your emotional well-being.
Whether you are cohabiting with a partner that is emotionally closed or you have been through this experience before, knowing how to deal with it is the most important step towards progression.
And in case you liked this blog post, please share it with members of your circle who might be in need. There is even more to stay on the edge on relationship advice and tips on how to deal with the intricate subjects of love and connection.
