Ah, Christmas. Twinkling lights. Endless cookies. Family chaos. A smidge (okay, a blizzard) of stress. Love and laughter galore—though some years, you need a little extra humor to power through all the wrapping paper, tangled lights, and cheesy family portraits.
Whether you’re drafting Christmas cards, updating your social media accounts, or just need a few chuckles as you sip that hot cocoa, our collection of 50 funny Christmas quotes and sayings will keep your holiday cheer merry (and maybe a little tipsy).
50 Funny Christmas Quotes and Sayings
Funny Christmas Quotes About Family
“My family told me to stop impersonating a flamingo at Christmas dinner. I had to put my foot down.”
Christmas: the only time of year you can sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of socks.
“I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.” – Henny Youngman
Nothing says holiday spirit like arguing with your family about how to load the dishwasher.
Christmas is fun—until your relatives start asking when you’re getting married or having kids.
“One of the nicest things about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with a present.” – Unknown
Family: the people you laugh with, cry with, and hide from in the bathroom during Christmas dinner.
“My family has a strict ‘no politics’ rule at Christmas. We just argue about who’s in charge of dessert instead.”
Remember, Christmas isn’t about how much you spend but how much you can tolerate your relatives.
It’s not truly Christmas until someone yells, “Who ate the last piece of pie?!”
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Funny Quotes About Santa Claus
“Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.”
“Santa has the right idea: visit people once a year.” – Victor Borge
“I’m not saying I’m Santa, but we’ve never been seen in the same room together.”
Be nice to the person who checks the naughty list.
Santa, define “good.”
“Dear Santa, before I explain… how much do you already know?”
I once asked Santa for the perfect body for Christmas. He must’ve misheard and sent cookies instead.
Santa’s workshop must be a nightmare for HR.
All I want for Christmas is to see Santa’s face when he reads my Amazon wishlist.
Santa Claus wears a red suit, has a white beard, and says “Ho Ho Ho.” He’s either jolly or drunk.
Related: 12 Cute And Cheap Christmas Gifts For Girlfriend
Funny Quotes About Gifts
“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” – Unknown
Nothing says “I love you” like a gift card.
I wrapped your present myself, but it’s the thought that counts… right?
That awkward moment when you open a gift and have to pretend you love it.
I love giving homemade gifts. Which is why everyone gets cookies—again.
Some of my best Christmas memories involve gifts I never received.
You know you’re getting old when your Christmas list starts with socks.
Whoever invented wrapping paper deserves a medal—and therapy.
It’s not about what’s under the tree, it’s about who’s texting you asking what you want.
Pro tip: if you forgot to buy a gift, just say it’s still in the mail.
Related: 7 Cute Christmas Gifts For Coworkers
Funny Christmas Quotes About the Season
The four stages of Christmas:
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Believing in Santa
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Not believing in Santa
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Being Santa
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Looking like Santa
“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.”
“Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.” – Gary Allan
Christmas calories don’t count. Science probably says so.
You know it’s Christmas when you’re broke but happy.
If you can’t wrap your head around Christmas shopping, at least wrap the presents.
Keep your friends close and your Christmas cookies closer.
Christmas: that magical time when everyone suddenly believes in carbs again.
My favorite part of Christmas? When it’s over and I can finally nap.
If you don’t have Christmas spirit, you can borrow some from a bottle.
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️ Funny Christmas Sayings About Decorations & Lights
“I’m not saying my Christmas lights are tangled, but I may have created a new species.”
The tree isn’t crooked—it’s just full of character.
Decorating the house for Christmas counts as cardio, right?
I wish my bank account were as full as my Christmas storage bins.
Who needs a gym when you can haul a tree through the snow?
The best part of decorating is realizing halfway through that you’re out of hooks.
There are two kinds of people at Christmas: those who put up lights in November and those who judge them.
Tinsel: because nothing says holiday cheer like vacuuming glitter until Easter.
Note to self: buy fewer lights next year. (Also self, you won’t.)
Some people have Christmas trees that belong in magazines. I have one that belongs in a sitcom.
Related: 7 Unique Christmas Gifts You Can Make Yourself
Bonus: Funny Christmas Sayings You Can Use Anywhere
The Christmas spirit is strong… mostly in my coffee.
Eat, drink, and be merry (preferably in that order).
Sleigh my name, sleigh my name.
Dear December, please slow down. I’m still digesting Thanksgiving.
All is calm, all is bright—until the wrapping paper runs out.
Christmas music: the only genre where Mariah Carey is royalty.
Remember when you said you’d start shopping early this year? Yeah, me neither.
Fa la la la la… whatever.
“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is screaming loudly for all to hear.” (Sorry, Buddy the Elf.)
If I don’t move, maybe the wrapping paper will wrap itself.
Why We Love Funny Christmas Quotes
Is there anything more comforting than laughing at Christmas chaos? Between shopping, cooking, cleaning, and figuring out how the heck to use gift wrap ribbon, a good chuckle goes a long way. Humor reminds us that Christmas doesn’t have to be perfect—just joyful (and maybe a little messy).
Funny Christmas quotes are great for:
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Holiday cards: Give your greeting a punchline and stand out from the sea of generic “Merry Christmas!” notes.
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Social media posts: Instead of just snow pictures, sprinkle some humor into your feed.
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Office parties: Lighten things up without trotting out another ugly sweater joke (unless it’s a really ugly sweater).
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Family gatherings: Break the ice when things get too serious—or too awkward.
Wrapping It Up
Christmas is about love, laughter, and the occasional mishap involving tape, cookies, and burnt gingerbread men. Whether you find humor in tangled lights or in Santa’s questionable work schedule, there’s no shortage of ways to laugh your way through the holidays.
So, as you deck the halls, remember this: the best kind of Christmas spirit is the one that makes you smile. Share a joke, enjoy a laugh, and don’t forget—Christmas calories still don’t count.
Merry Christmas, and may your holiday season be merry, bright, and full of belly laughs!
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