I’ve had countless conversations with women who feel baffled, confused, or even hurt by the behaviors of their partners. Some are unsure whether their man is truly invested in the relationship, while others are left questioning whether they’re just being “tested” or if there’s something deeper at play. Over the years of my work as a relationship expert, I’ve come to understand that many men test women in relationships—not out of malice, but rather because they want to assess certain qualities or boundaries before they commit fully.
While it’s not always overt, these tests can reveal important insights into a man’s feelings, expectations, and concerns.
So, how do men test women in relationships? And more importantly, why do they do it? Let me walk you through the seven most common ways men test women in relationships, offering both examples and advice on how to navigate these situations.
1. The Test of Independence: “Are You Okay Without Me?”
One of the most common ways men test women in relationships is by gauging their level of independence. Early in a relationship, many men are curious about how much space they can have while still keeping their partner emotionally secure. This test usually manifests when a man pulls back a little—whether it’s by being less available for calls, not responding as quickly, or spending time with friends without inviting you. He might not communicate it directly, but he’s essentially asking: Can you handle being without me for a while?
Example: You’ve been spending a lot of time together, and suddenly he starts being distant or unavailable. He might make plans with friends or seem preoccupied with work. You might feel neglected or unsure about where you stand, but it’s important to recognize that he’s testing your emotional resilience.
Advice: While it’s natural to miss someone, your ability to live a fulfilling life without him is key. Enjoy your own hobbies, spend time with friends, and focus on your personal growth. Your emotional independence isn’t a reflection of how much you care about him—it’s a reflection of how secure and healthy you are as an individual. Men tend to appreciate and respect women who can stand on their own two feet, even when in a relationship.
Related; 9 Things Women Think Men Love But Men Actually Don’t Like
2. The “Unspoken Neediness” Test: “How Much Do You Want Me?”
Some men test women by seeing how much they’re needed or desired. This can come across as a man pulling back emotionally to see how much you chase him. He might not express his feelings directly but will gauge how far you’re willing to go to prove your affection.
Example: He might deliberately not reach out for a couple of days or leave your texts unanswered to see if you’ll initiate contact repeatedly. This is a subtle test of how much you value the relationship and whether you’ll make the effort to keep it going.
Advice: It’s important to remember that relationships should involve equal effort from both sides. If you’re constantly chasing him, he may start to question your emotional stability and sense of self-worth. Instead, focus on maintaining your own independence while still nurturing the relationship. Men admire women who show interest without desperation. If you’re putting in all the effort, it might be time to reassess whether this is the right dynamic for you.
Related; 10 Things Married Men Confide Only To Their Mistresses
3. The “Jealousy Provocation” Test: “Will You Fight For Me?”
Sometimes, a man might try to test a woman’s level of commitment by provoking feelings of jealousy. He might flirt with other women in your presence or mention other women in conversation, all in an effort to see if you’ll express jealousy or concern.
Example: Imagine you’re at a social gathering with your partner, and he spends time talking to a woman who seems to be flirting with him. Later, he might casually mention how friendly she was. While this behavior may seem harmless, he’s actually testing your emotional investment in the relationship.
Advice: It’s easy to feel insecure when faced with jealousy tests, but don’t let it derail your confidence. If you feel that your partner is trying to make you jealous to gauge your interest, calmly express how his actions made you feel without getting overly emotional or accusatory. Jealousy is a natural emotion, but using it as a test is a sign of insecurity. A healthy relationship should be built on trust and mutual respect.
4. The “Commitment” Test: “Are You Willing to Go All In?”
Some men will test a woman’s commitment by subtly seeing how far she’s willing to go to solidify the relationship. This test might involve him introducing serious topics like moving in together, discussing marriage, or asking about your long-term plans. While these conversations can seem harmless, he’s often measuring how committed you are to his vision for the future.
Example: He might ask how you feel about long-term commitment and whether you can see yourself living together in a year or two. While this might seem like an innocent conversation, he’s testing whether you’re ready to take the next steps with him or if you have doubts.
Advice: Be honest about your desires for the future. If you’re unsure about the relationship’s trajectory, communicate your feelings. While men may test commitment, they also appreciate open communication about future plans. If you’re ready to make a deeper commitment, show that you are, but don’t feel pressured to rush into something that doesn’t align with your timeline.
Related: 50 Hurtful Phrases Men Use When They’re Tired of You
5. The “Vulnerability” Test: “Can You Handle My Dark Side?”
Everyone has flaws and vulnerabilities, and sometimes, a man might test how much you can handle his imperfections. This is often a test of emotional intimacy and whether you can accept him fully, flaws and all. He might reveal something personal—whether it’s about past relationships, childhood trauma, or mistakes he’s made—and gauge your reaction.
Example: He might confide in you about a mistake he made in the past, or he could share something about his family or emotional struggles. He’s not looking for sympathy necessarily but wants to know if you’re able to accept and support him despite his flaws.
Advice: While it can feel overwhelming when someone opens up to you, it’s important to respond with empathy and support. Don’t try to fix him or diminish his struggles, but let him know you’re there for him. By demonstrating emotional maturity, you can help build a deeper bond based on mutual trust and understanding.
6. The “Testing Boundaries” Test: “How Much Will You Tolerate?”
Men may test women by pushing boundaries, seeing how far they can go before a woman reacts or expresses discomfort. This can manifest in subtle ways, like making provocative jokes, challenging personal values, or crossing physical boundaries. The goal here is often to test how strong a woman’s boundaries are and whether he can “get away” with certain behaviors.
Example: He might make an inappropriate comment or touch you in a way that doesn’t sit right with you. It’s not about malice, but more about seeing whether you’ll stand up for yourself.
Advice: If you feel uncomfortable, don’t be afraid to express it. Strong boundaries are a sign of self-respect and self-worth. If a man truly respects you, he’ll adjust his behavior based on your reactions. Assertiveness in a relationship is key, and setting clear boundaries is essential for both partners to feel safe and respected.
7. The “Testing Emotional Investment” Test: “Do You Care Enough to Sacrifice?”
In long-term relationships, a man may test a woman’s emotional investment by asking her to make sacrifices. He might subtly see if you’re willing to prioritize him, his needs, or his desires over your own. This could range from agreeing to make changes in your daily routine to being flexible with plans or even making financial sacrifices.
Example: He may ask you to cancel plans with friends to spend more time with him or to change something about your lifestyle for the sake of the relationship.
Advice: Sacrifice is a natural part of relationships, but it’s important to recognize when it becomes one-sided. A healthy relationship involves mutual sacrifices where both parties are willing to adjust for the good of the partnership. Don’t feel pressured into compromising your values or desires just to keep him happy. Healthy relationships are about balance and respect for each other’s needs.
Conclusion:
At the end of the day, these tests aren’t always consciously manipulative—they’re often driven by insecurity, fear of commitment, or the desire for validation. If you notice your partner is testing you in these ways, it’s important to reflect on your own feelings and respond in a way that fosters healthy communication, respect, and understanding.
The key takeaway is this: be true to yourself. While it’s natural for men to test women in relationships, it’s just as important for women to communicate their own needs, boundaries, and desires. Rather than playing into the test, use each situation as an opportunity to deepen your understanding of each other and build a stronger, more secure relationship. Remember, no one should have to pass constant tests to earn love and respect. Relationships should be built on trust, honesty, and mutual care.
Save the pin for later
- 7 Ways Men Test Women in Relationships - 11/08/2025
- 10 Things Married Men Confide Only To Their Mistresses - 11/08/2025
- 5 Ways to Build a Deep Emotional Connection with a Woman - 10/08/2025