If you have a narcissist in your life, you know that the further they are from their “supply” of control, admiration, and adoration, the less pleasant they are to be around.
That’s why, when a narcissist is exposed—or called out, as some might say—for their manipulation or other antics, you can brace yourself for serious backlash.
What’s even more interesting than this simple truth is why it happens, how it should change your approach, and how, if at all, you should react when a narcissist is exposed.
9 Ways Narcissists Act When Exposed
1. Denial and Gaslighting
Truth deniers at their finest.
How it shows:
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Claiming that what was said or revealed about them is false.
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Twisting facts to make you question your recollection or judgment.
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Saying things like, “No, I didn’t” or “You’re imagining things.”
Why it happens:
Narcissists are accustomed to maintaining a flawless image. Any negative attention threatens that, so when they are exposed, they use gaslighting to confuse you and regain control.
How to respond:
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Stick to the facts and, if possible, document incidents.
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Don’t try to argue or convince them—they likely won’t admit the truth.
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Trust your instincts and, if needed, consult third parties for validation.
2. Anger and Rage
“Narcissistic rage” occurs when they lose control over a situation or person.
How it shows:
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Heightened arguments, yelling, and name-calling.
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Passive-aggressive actions, like canceling plans or making veiled threats.
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Aggression toward anyone who might side with you.
Why it happens:
Raging is a defense mechanism. When their ego is bruised, narcissists lash out to regain control.
How to respond:
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Stay calm and avoid getting dragged into arguments.
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Remove yourself if the situation becomes threatening.
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Set boundaries and protect yourself—it’s not about appeasing them.
Related: 9 Weaknesses Of Narcissists
3. Smear Campaigns
A smear campaign often targets those who have called out or distanced themselves from a narcissist.
How it shows:
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Spreading false information to friends, family, or online networks.
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Manipulating others to gain sympathy while making you appear in a bad light.
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Turning mutual acquaintances against you.
Why it happens:
Smear campaigns protect the narcissist’s image and discredit you. If they can’t have you, they’ll try to ensure no one else can.
How to respond:
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Document false information or harassment; contact HR or authorities if necessary.
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Avoid retaliation or public confrontations.
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Lean on relationships built on truth to counter false claims.
Related: 9 Weaknesses Of Narcissists
4. Playing the Victim
Feigning victimhood is a common emotional manipulation tactic.
How it shows:
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Claiming that others are attacking or mistreating them.
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Using tears, drama, or exaggerated storytelling to gain sympathy.
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Acting misunderstood and avoiding responsibility.
Why it happens:
Playing the victim allows narcissists to manipulate emotions and regain control.
How to respond:
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Recognize the manipulation and rise above it.
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Avoid getting drawn into guilt or emotional arguments.
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Stick to facts and objective information when communicating.
Related: How To Respond To Narcissistic Manipulation
5. Hoovering or Charm Offensive
Hoovering is an attempt to pull you back in, often with charm or flattery.
How it shows:
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Sending gifts, apologies, or compliments to you and close contacts.
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Claiming to want to change and improve.
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Appearing remorseful to tempt you back.
Why it happens:
Hoovering is emotional manipulation used to regain control or access.
How to respond:
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Recognize manipulation patterns.
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Trust your judgment and love yourself.
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Distance yourself if necessary to maintain space and clarity.
6. Stonewalling or Silent Treatment
Stonewalling is a manipulative tactic to control others without direct engagement.
How it shows:
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Ghosting you or others to induce guilt or anxiety.
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Refusing calls or ignoring communication attempts.
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Giving the cold shoulder consistently.
Why it happens:
Stonewalling allows narcissists to manipulate emotions without confrontation.
How to respond:
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Don’t seek validation during these periods.
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Focus on your life, priorities, and well-being.
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Use the time to reflect and heal.
Related: How To Heal From Narcissistic Parent
7. Minimizing or Discounting Your Experience
Narcissists often downplay your feelings to avoid accountability.
How it shows:
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Statements like “It’s not that big of a deal” or “You’re overreacting.”
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Acting as though serious issues are minor.
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Dismissing your emotions or pain.
Why it happens:
Minimization avoids responsibility and serves to control or undermine you.
How to respond:
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Trust your feelings and perceptions.
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Maintain confidence in your judgment.
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Don’t let them make you question yourself.
8. Escalation or Threats
Escalation is a common tactic to intimidate and regain control.
How it shows:
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Threats of personal, social, or legal consequences.
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Aggressive or loud confrontations.
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Using fear to manipulate situations.
Why it happens:
Narcissists escalate to assert dominance and control outcomes.
How to respond:
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Prioritize safety—contact authorities or HR if necessary.
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Document incidents for evidence.
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Stay calm and avoid reacting emotionally.
9. Deflection and Blame-Shifting
Blaming others is a classic narcissistic tactic.
How it shows:
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Accusing you or others of causing problems.
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Shifting responsibility for their actions or failures.
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Claiming that external forces hold them back.
Why it happens:
Narcissists avoid accountability and protect their self-image by shifting blame.
How to respond:
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Stick to the facts and avoid arguments over blame.
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Focus on your boundaries and disengage from manipulations.
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Cut contact as needed to protect yourself.
Final Thoughts
From denial and rage to manipulation, smear campaigns, and blame-shifting, narcissists can react in many ways when exposed.
Awareness, boundaries, and emotional detachment are key to navigating these situations successfully.
Remember: you can only control yourself. Prioritize self-care, maintain boundaries, and practice self-love to protect yourself from the worst of a narcissist’s potential backlash.
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