A few years ago, one of my closest friends found herself in an unhappy relationship.
She was involved with a man who, on the surface, seemed like the ideal partner—charming, confident, and seemingly genuinely concerned for her.
But as time passed, I started to notice subtle signs that something wasn’t right. Her once vibrant self-esteem began to diminish. She felt drained, uncertain of herself, and began to question everything around her.
He was controlling, exploitative, and emotionally cold, but she didn’t see it. She loved him—or so she thought—and I could see how deeply it was affecting her.
She first approached me, confused and feeling like something was off in her relationship. She couldn’t place it, but she knew something wasn’t right.
She asked if I could talk to her boyfriend, maybe there was something missing that I could help with. But the reality was, the issue wasn’t just with him—it was about the toxic environment he had created for her, making her lose sight of who she was.
I realized then that I had to help her see the bigger picture and guide her out of the fog he had cast around her.
Here’s how we got to that point, and what you can do if you’re in the same situation.
How to Deal with Your Narcissistic Boyfriend
When you’re in a relationship with a narcissistic partner, it often feels like an emotional game of give and take.
One minute, they make you feel adored and special, and the next, they turn things around, leaving you questioning what just happened.
It’s exhausting, mentally draining, and, if left unchecked, it can lead to long-term emotional damage.
Narcissism in a partner can be difficult to spot, especially when you’re emotionally invested, but here are the steps I took to help my friend, and that you can take too.
1. Stop Making Excuses for His Behavior
In the early stages of her relationship, my friend often excused her boyfriend’s actions. “He’s just under a lot of pressure at work,” or “He didn’t mean it, he was just having a bad night,” she would say when he snapped at her in front of others or belittled her in public.
This is a common reaction in narcissistic relationships—when the narcissist manipulates you into thinking you’re being too sensitive or overreacting.
It wasn’t until I directly pointed out the repeated patterns in his behavior that she began to see it. I asked her, “Do you feel like you’re walking on eggshells around him?
Like you can’t say anything without it turning into a fight?” Slowly, she started realizing that his behavior wasn’t normal.
She wasn’t “too sensitive”—he was mistreating her. Her doubts about herself started to shift, and she saw that she wasn’t the problem.
Related; How To Respond To Narcissistic People
2. Consider Your Identity Before the Relationship
One of the most helpful things I did was encourage my friend to take a step back and think about who she was before this relationship.
She had been a goal-oriented, independent woman—confident in her career, surrounded by a supportive circle of friends.
But over time, she had started questioning herself. She was constantly focused on meeting his needs while neglecting her own.
I gently asked her, “What were the things you enjoyed doing before this relationship? How did you feel confident, strong, and independent?”
Slowly, she started rediscovering herself—those parts of her that she had pushed aside to please him. Her friends and family were there to remind her of the woman she used to be, and that gave her the strength to recognize what she had lost in this toxic relationship.
Related; Here Is How Narcissists Love
3. Challenge His Reality
Gaslighting is a common tactic used by narcissists. They twist situations to make you doubt your own memories and feelings.
My friend began to question herself after every interaction with him. Whenever she pointed out how his behavior had hurt her, he would twist it into something else. “You’re too sensitive,” he would say, or “You’re overreacting, that’s not what I meant.”
I reminded her that it was okay to trust her feelings and her perception of reality. Slowly, I encouraged her to write down instances where his actions made her feel small or insignificant.
The more she wrote, the more patterns began to emerge. Each time they argued, he would deflect responsibility, leaving her emotionally worn out.
Writing it all down helped her see the truth and gave her the courage to trust herself again.
Related; How Narcissists Treat Their Spouse
4. Start a “Narcissistic Journal”
I suggested that she keep a “narcissistic journal”—a place where she could document his behavior. Each time he belittled her, manipulated her, or made her feel worthless, she would write it down.
This journal wasn’t just a record of events; it helped her piece together the puzzle of his toxic behavior. When she looked back at the entries, she could see how consistently he had controlled her emotions and distorted reality.
One night, after reading through her journal, she came to me in tears. “I can’t believe I’ve been living this way,” she said.
“I’ve let him control how I feel for so long.” Seeing it in writing helped her realize the unhealthy cycle they were stuck in, and it gave her the strength to take action.
Related: These 8 Eating Habits Reveal Your Partner Is a Narcissist
5. Build an Emotional “Emergency Fund”
During this time, I encouraged my friend to build what I called an emotional “emergency fund”—a collection of things that helped her feel grounded and strong when the relationship made her feel weak.
This could include activities like exercising, journaling, spending time with friends, or speaking to a therapist.
These activities provided her with emotional resilience, so she wouldn’t fall into his manipulation when he tried to control her feelings.
There were moments when he tried to guilt-trip her, accusing her of not being supportive enough. But instead of succumbing to his pressure, she took time for herself.
She focused on her own needs and feelings, and over time, she began to feel stronger. The control he had over her emotions started to lose its grip.
Related: How Narcissists Make You Look Crazy
6. Don’t Try to Fix Him
A narcissistic relationship can feel particularly painful because you often think you can change the other person.
My friend thought that with enough love, patience, and care, he would see the error of his ways. But the truth is, narcissists rarely change.
They might make temporary adjustments to get what they want, but it’s not a genuine transformation—it’s just a temporary fix to keep you in the relationship.
I reminded her that she couldn’t fix him. “It’s not your job to save him,” I told her. “You need to save yourself and take control of your own life.”
It was hard for her to accept at first, but she started to realize that she couldn’t keep sacrificing her happiness for him to change. The focus needed to be on her own well-being.
7. Have an Exit Strategy
Leaving a narcissistic relationship can feel overwhelming, but it’s essential to have a clear exit strategy. My friend wasn’t ready to leave immediately, as there were emotional hurdles and moments of doubt.
But together, we worked on a plan: how to emotionally detach, how to lean on her support system, and how to block his attempts to reel her back in with promises of change.
When she finally made the decision to leave, it wasn’t easy. She still faced guilt trips and attempts to manipulate her into staying. But she had already prepared herself for this. She stood her ground and didn’t fall for his tactics.
8. Trust Your Gut
If there’s one thing I learned through this process, it’s that your instincts are often the best guide. Narcissists will make you feel insecure about yourself, but deep down, you always know what’s right for you. I repeatedly told my friend, “Trust yourself. Trust how you feel.”
She started to trust that inner voice and take action when something didn’t feel right. It was an empowering shift for her, and it helped her make decisions that were best for her well-being.
9. Surround Yourself with Supportive People
Throughout this journey, I made sure my friend spent more time with people who truly cared for her.
Narcissists often try to isolate you from your support system, but with the help of her family and friends, my friend began to rebuild her self-esteem.
She remembered the value of having a strong, supportive network, and that gave her the strength to continue her healing process.
Final thought
In the end, my friend found her strength again. She left a relationship that was draining her and began to focus on herself. It wasn’t easy, and it took time, but with the right support, she was able to break free from the grip of narcissistic manipulation.
If you’re in a similar situation, know that you don’t have to stay in a relationship that diminishes your worth.
Trust yourself, recognize the red flags, and never settle for anything less than a relationship that makes you feel valued, respected, and cherished.
It will be hard at first, but I promise you, you are stronger than you think, and you have the power to change your life.
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