Marriage can be a wonderful experience, but it can also be hard work. When two people are struggling, it’s not always easy to know what to do.
Some people are honest about their unhappiness and seek help, while others try to pretend that everything is okay.
They tell little white lies to themselves, their spouse, and sometimes to their friends and family. These lies can be conscious or unconscious. They are rarely meant to be hurtful or malicious but are rather ways of coping with disappointment, pain, or conflict.
Over time, however, these lies build walls between people, preventing them from having honest conversations and from healing.
If you are wondering why your marriage is not as good as it once was or what you can do about it, here are 9 common lies people tell when they are unhappy in marriage, and what can be done about it.
9 Lies People Tell When They’re Unhappy In Marriage
1. “I’m fine.”
This is the most common lie of all. Instead of telling your partner that they have hurt you, or that you are feeling lonely or frustrated, you simply say, “I’m fine.”
Why they say it:
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They don’t want to cause a fight.
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They don’t think their partner will understand.
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They have become used to bottling up their emotions.
The truth:
Saying “I’m fine” when you are not will not help your marriage. In fact, it will only make things worse. If you are feeling unhappy, it is important to let your partner know.
Related: 15 Things Unhappy Wives Google At 2am
2. “We don’t really fight, so everything’s okay.”
Many people measure the success of their marriage by how many arguments they have. If they can go a few months without a fight, they think everything is fine.
Why they say it:
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They are afraid of conflict.
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They have given up trying to resolve their issues.
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They believe that not fighting is a sign of a happy marriage.
The truth:
Healthy marriages do have disagreements, but they are respectful, with both partners listening and resolving the issues. A lack of fighting does not always mean that a marriage is happy.
Related; 8 Signs Your Wife Is Unhappy
3. “It’s just a phase.”
When people are unhappy, they sometimes believe it is only temporary. They think that once the children have grown up, the job has become more stable, or the financial situation has improved, things will be better.
Why they say it:
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They are afraid of facing the issues in their marriage.
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They are hoping that time will solve everything.
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They are afraid of what it would mean if this phase never ends.
The truth:
While some phases in marriage are temporary, it is important to face the unhappiness and work on it. Otherwise, nothing will change.
Related: 7 Signs a Woman is Unhappy in Her Marriage
4. “I don’t need affection; I’m okay without it.”
Affection is a basic need in every relationship. But when it is lacking, many people try to convince themselves (and their partner) that they don’t need it.
Why they say it:
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They don’t want to appear needy.
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They are afraid of being rejected if they ask for more affection.
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They have convinced themselves they can live without it.
The truth:
Affection is important in a marriage, and pretending that you don’t need it will only lead to loneliness, resentment, and emotional distance. Everyone deserves love and affection.
5. “I stay because of the kids.”
This is a lie many people tell themselves. They convince themselves that staying in an unhappy marriage is for the best because of the children.
Why they say it:
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They are afraid that divorce will damage their children.
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They don’t want to be the person who “breaks up” the family.
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They feel guilty about putting their happiness first.
The truth:
Children are resilient, and they can cope with divorce if it is handled in the right way. In fact, sometimes it is better for children to see their parents living honest and growing lives than to remain in an unhappy marriage.
Related: When Women Are Starved Of Affection, They Do These 12 Things
6. “We don’t have intimacy because we’re just too busy.”
This is another excuse many people use for the lack of intimacy in their marriage. They are too busy with work, the children, or other things.
Why they say it:
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They are embarrassed that they have no spark left.
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They are afraid of being rejected if they try to get more intimate.
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They would rather blame their schedule than the truth.
The truth:
True intimacy requires more than just time together; it requires emotional connection, vulnerability, and effort. A busy schedule is not an excuse for a lack of intimacy.
7. “Everyone’s marriage is like this.”
When people are unhappy in their marriage, they often try to convince themselves that it is normal. They believe that all marriages are like this, that all couples eventually grow apart, and that all relationships lose their spark.
Why they say it:
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They don’t want to feel alone in their struggle.
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They believe that accepting it is easier than working to change it.
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They have given up hope that things can get better.
The truth:
Not all marriages are unhappy. Many couples manage to maintain love, connection, and happiness even after years of being together. Just because someone you know is in an unhappy marriage doesn’t mean that everyone’s marriage is.
8. “I’m staying because I still love them.”
People often confuse love with other emotions, such as attachment, habit, or fear of change. They may tell themselves that they still love their partner even when they don’t.
Why they say it:
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They are afraid to admit that their love has gone.
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They don’t want to hurt their partner’s feelings.
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They are afraid of what would happen if they left.
The truth:
Love that is heavy, painful, or one-sided is not the same as the love that builds strong marriages. It is important to be honest with yourself about how you feel.
9. “Things aren’t that bad.”
Another lie that people tell themselves is that their marriage isn’t as bad as they think. They may tell themselves that things could be worse or that they don’t deserve to be happy.
Why they say it:
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They compare their marriage to others that are worse off.
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They are afraid of being judged for their situation.
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They believe that their unhappiness is not valid.
The truth:
Unhappiness is still unhappiness, even if it is not as bad as other people’s. Everyone deserves to be happy and in a relationship that makes them feel loved and supported.
Why Do People Tell These Lies?
Most of these lies come from a place of fear—fear of conflict, fear of hurting someone, fear of change, or fear of facing the truth. Sometimes they are told out of love, sometimes out of self-preservation, and sometimes just because admitting unhappiness is too difficult.
What Can You Do Instead of Lying?
Honesty is hard, but it is the only way to break the cycle of unhappiness. Here are some things you can do instead of lying:
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Talk about how you are feeling (without blaming).
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Seek help from a therapist, counselor, or support group.
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Try to reconnect with yourself (your needs, wants, and goals).
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Work on the marriage together.
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Be brave enough to face the truth, even if it is hard.
Final Thoughts
Unhappiness in marriage does not happen overnight, and neither do the lies that people tell to cope with it.
However, each lie only creates more distance, more silence, and more pain. If you recognize the 9 common lies people tell when they are unhappy in marriage, you can start to break the cycle and choose honesty instead.
It may not be easy, but it is always worth it because true love—and true healing—can only flourish where the truth is allowed to exist.
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