Have you ever cheated on a partner? Of course, you have. You probably regret it, and you’re probably still not over it. That’s natural when you’ve done something wrong, something unfaithful. Did you tell him?
You probably should have, but you might be afraid of how he would feel if he knew. It’s at times like this that you have to decide: “Should I tell my boyfriend I cheated?”
The Problem with Keeping Secrets
Cheating is a terrible experience. It’s painful for both the cheater and the person who was cheated on. One thing you must know before telling him is that the emotional and mental damage of keeping secrets will only get worse. The longer you hold on to that dark secret, the more it will fester in your heart and soul. It will eat you up from the inside. You’ll find it difficult to concentrate on your life when you have such a big secret weighing you down.
Even when you’re with your boyfriend, you’ll constantly be thinking about the affair. You’ll be leading a dual life, with your boyfriend having no clue. How do you think you’ll feel knowing you’re betraying your partner every time you’re with him? I bet you’ll have negative emotions toward yourself: stress, depression, and self-loathing. It will affect you negatively.
Can you live with that? Can you look at yourself in the mirror and love yourself, even though you have a secret? Your self-confidence and self-esteem will likely decrease, and your self-image will be destroyed. Relationships are built on trust, and by cheating, you won’t be in a good place with your own self-image, which can be very hard to overcome.
This secret will also destroy the relationship between you and your boyfriend. If you don’t tell him, it will affect everything in the relationship. You won’t be able to trust him, as you know he doesn’t trust you. You won’t be able to connect with him either because of the secret.
Trust is key in a relationship, and you are robbing it from both of you if you don’t tell. Remember, the relationship is for both of you, not just for you. If you really want to make it work, you will have to do something about it. Tell him and let him know.
Related: 9 Ways People Discover Their Partners Have Been Cheating On Them
It Will Hurt Him More
As I said earlier, cheating not only hurts the person on the other end but also hurts you. That’s why, before you tell him, it’s vital to think about the repercussions. Cheating can hurt both of you. When you don’t tell him about your cheating, you are letting him suffer in his own ignorance. It’s like feeding him lies instead of the truth.
Your relationship with your boyfriend will be based on a lie, and a lie as big as this one. If he finds out, he’s in for a shock. Even though you’re hurting him already by keeping it from him, he might not realize that. All you need to do is tell him. In the long run, he will probably be better off, and so will you.
If you tell him the truth about the cheating and you both decide to make it work, there’s a chance your relationship could be even stronger than before. There’s also a chance that your boyfriend won’t take it and will end it with you. That’s his right, and at times, it’s for the best.
Related: Why Do Men Love Their Wives Yet Still Find Themselves Cheating?
Fear of Judgment
If you’ve cheated, there’s a chance that your boyfriend will judge you. There’s also a chance he might understand. Humans aren’t good at accepting faults in others, as we all have them. That’s our instinct: to love, be loved, and never be rejected or judged. We’re afraid of judgment, but that doesn’t mean you should fear him.
I know you’ll be scared to tell him you cheated. He might judge you, and there’s a high possibility that he will. Think about it, though: if you cheat on your boyfriend, it means that you’re with him for the wrong reasons. If he judges you, it just means he’s right not to be with you.
Judgment is natural when you do something unfaithful. But, again, it’s his right to do so. It’s his relationship, and he is within his rights to feel hurt by your actions. He is within his rights to judge you, to walk away, and to end your relationship. He may just move on and get over it, which is also natural.
In the end, though, there’s one more thing you have to think about: your own conscience. Would you be able to look at yourself in the mirror knowing you didn’t even have the courage to tell him about your actions? Will you be able to live with that? Your boyfriend will judge you, but you will always have to live with yourself.
Make Sure to Ask Yourself “Why?”
Cheating is not something that just happens, at least not most of the time. Most of the time, there are issues that lead to cheating. The last thing you need to do before making the decision to tell your boyfriend is to ask yourself why.
Asking yourself this question will give you better insight into your actions and will also prepare your boyfriend for what to expect if he decides to give you a second chance. You need to understand your reasons for cheating on your boyfriend. Was it because he was too strict? Was it because you needed emotional support? Was it because you felt too much pressure? Was it because you didn’t love him anymore?
Cheating is often the result of a lack of communication in a relationship. You need to communicate your needs to your boyfriend, especially before making such an emotional leap as cheating. That being said, you will need to be able to explain that to him when the time comes. You also need to be 100% sure that this will not happen again.
Related: Why Does My Husband Accuse Me of Cheating All the Time?
The Decision: To Tell or Not to Tell?
I will leave you with a simple question now: Should you tell your boyfriend that you cheated on him? I can’t answer that for you, but I can give you a few ideas about what you might have to do. I’ve laid out some of the issues, and I can also tell you that there’s a third option, which is to leave your boyfriend.
You might want to leave your boyfriend and move on from the relationship instead. If you can’t even have the courage to tell him, you might as well save yourself the stress of continuing to keep that big secret and move on. That way, your integrity will be saved, at least in your own eyes.
If you can’t do that, then you might as well tell him the truth about your infidelity, just to get it off your chest. Hopefully, your boyfriend will be strong enough to understand you and continue the relationship. Otherwise, he may break up with you. It’s natural to be scared of that, as you’ve become used to having him around, but it’s better that way than remaining silent for fear of what he might do.
The choice is yours in the end, but no matter which one you choose, you should be ready for the consequences that are sure to follow. If you decide not to tell him, you will live with a burden on your conscience. You’ll have to suffer and live in fear and shame, knowing that you could be caught and that the secret will be revealed.
If you decide to tell him, you are probably looking at a breakup. Even if you both work through it and manage to move on, you’ll still live with that scar for the rest of your life. That’s why you need to make the decision carefully. It’s a very important decision, and you should think it through before making it.
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