I often say that the line between showing interest in a man and chasing him is very thin. You think you’re just being loving and caring or trying to make things happen, but in reality, you might be the one doing the heavy lifting to keep the man you’re dating connected to you.
Love has to involve reciprocity. Both people must put in a solid amount of effort to make it work so that love can grow and develop. But as soon as you find yourself texting him first every day, planning dates and activities, or constantly accommodating his schedule and plans, there’s an issue.
You may not have given much thought to whether or not you’re the one doing all the chasing because you feel as though you’re just being loving, giving, and romantic. These are all great traits in a relationship, but they can take on a different form once they cross a line.
If you’ve been with a man for a while and you’re starting to have those nagging thoughts that maybe he’s not as into you as you are into him, take a look at these fourteen signs that you might be the one doing all the chasing:
14 Signs You Are The One Chasing Him
1. You Are the One Who Always Texts or Calls First
One of the easiest ways to determine if the effort is being shared is to look at who initiates communication. If you find that you are always starting the conversation, checking in, and keeping the lines of communication open, it may not be a coincidence. A man who is truly interested will reach out, say hi, and ask how your day is going.
If you are always initiating and trying to keep things moving, it will start to feel one-sided, as if you are chasing his attention rather than sharing it.
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2. You Start Making Excuses for Him Not Texting Back or Calling
“He must be busy at work. He’s tired. He’s bad at texting. He’s just not a ‘texty’ guy.” You tell yourself these things repeatedly to convince yourself he’s not ignoring you—or that even if he is, it’s not his fault.
But if you catch yourself constantly making excuses for why he doesn’t reach out, you are the one doing the chasing. When a man truly values you and the relationship he has with you, he won’t let you sit there wondering where you stand.
His silence or lack of communication says more than any excuse you make for him in your head.
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3. You Are the One Making Plans or Suggesting Dates
You always seem to be the one suggesting when and where to meet, making reservations, or planning outings. He, on the other hand, has a full social life and doesn’t seem to initiate plans with you.
When you’re the one coming up with all the activities and arrangements, you’re not just planning—you’re pursuing.
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4. You Compromise Too Much to Keep Him Happy
It’s one thing to make small compromises to fit around his schedule, but when it becomes a pattern, you’re in trouble. You sacrifice your time, boundaries, and needs to make him happy because you’re afraid he’ll leave.
You tell yourself you’re being flexible, but deep down you know you’re acting out of fear—fear that if you say no or stop overextending yourself, he’ll take it as a reason to walk away.
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5. You Worry More About Where the Relationship Is Headed
You overanalyze every text and phone call. You wonder how he feels about you, whether he sees this as something serious, or if he’s seeing other women. Meanwhile, he seems perfectly content to leave things vague.
When you’re the only one asking these questions or worrying about where things are going, you’ve already placed yourself in the chaser’s role. When a man is emotionally invested, he’ll want clarity too.
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6. You Get Anxious Every Time He Pulls Away
Every time he ghosts for a few days, doesn’t respond, or pulls back, you reach out. You text, call, or make excuses just to reconnect. You feel restless until he replies or acknowledges you.
When this happens every time he pulls away, you’re the one pouring all your emotional energy into chasing him and restoring things to how they were before.
7. You Try Too Hard to Impress Him
It’s normal to want to look and feel your best for someone you like. But if you find yourself overdoing it—being extra nice, running errands for him, or showing off your achievements—you may be chasing his approval rather than building a natural connection.
A man who truly values you doesn’t need convincing.
8. He Rarely Asks About You
You’re an open book and love meaningful conversation, but he rarely asks about your day or your thoughts. Most of your conversations revolve around him—his problems, his plans, his life.
You listen, encourage, and support, but he doesn’t do the same. If you’re always the listener while he’s always the talker, you’re the one giving more energy than you’re receiving.
9. You Keep Giving Him Second Chances
You tell yourself he’ll do better next time. You overlook his ghosting, his last-minute cancellations, or the lies that sting. You keep forgiving him and hoping he’ll finally become the version of himself you fell for.
But when you keep doing this, you’re not being patient—you’re chasing.
10. You’re Afraid to Pull Back
It’s fine to take initiative sometimes, but if slowing down or matching his energy makes you anxious, that’s a red flag. If you believe you have to overgive to keep him interested, you’re chasing him.
A relationship worth your time won’t fall apart just because you stop doing all the work. If it does, it wasn’t meant to last.
11. You Feel Emotionally Drained After Talking to Him
Pay attention to how you feel after spending time with him. If you feel exhausted, empty, or insecure afterward, you’re giving more than you’re receiving.
When you’re chasing, the communication becomes imbalanced—you’re working for his attention instead of simply sharing it.
12. He’s Calm While You’re Overthinking
You’re anxious and constantly analyzing every word or silence, while he’s cool and unbothered. When you chase, you overthink; when he’s chased, he relaxes.
That imbalance in energy says it all.
13. You Lower Your Standards to Keep Him
You once promised yourself you’d never settle for mixed signals or inconsistency, yet here you are. You accept crumbs of his time and attention and act grateful for them.
You convince yourself that what he’s giving is enough—but love shouldn’t have to be negotiated down to the bare minimum.
True love can’t be bargained for.
14. You’re the One Trying to Fix or Define the Relationship
You’re the one initiating deep talks, trying to solve issues, and guiding the direction of the relationship while he avoids such conversations.
If you’re both the maintainer and the problem solver, you’re sitting squarely in the chaser’s seat. A man who truly values you won’t make you carry both roles.
Why We End Up Chasing
It’s easy to find yourself in this position without realizing it. Sometimes it’s fear of losing someone you like. Sometimes it’s the belief that love must be earned. And sometimes, it’s confusing attention for affection.
Many women chase because they’ve become emotionally attached, fear rejection, or believe they have to prove they’re lovable. But if a man isn’t seeing your worth, you can love him endlessly and still never convince him.
You can’t talk, text, or win a man into loving you. Love can be nurtured, but it can’t be earned.
How to Stop Chasing and Move On
If you recognize yourself in these signs, don’t be hard on yourself. Awareness is the first step toward change.
You can’t make someone love you, but you can change how you respond.
Pause and breathe.
Before you reach out, pause. Ask yourself if you’re acting out of genuine care or fear of losing him.
Mirror his effort.
Give no more than he gives, and accept no less than you deserve. When a man wants you, his effort will show.
Respect your energy.
If someone makes you feel you must prove your worth, step back. Protect your peace.
Redirect your focus.
Pour energy into yourself and the people who uplift you. When you shift your attention inward, you reclaim your power.
Be honest—with him and yourself.
If you want clarity, ask for it. If he’s not ready, believe him. Don’t wait around hoping he’ll change.
Know your worth.
You are not someone a man gets to keep effortlessly. You are the prize. When you chase, you give that power away.
A relationship built on mutual effort will never feel one-sided. Both people will show up willingly.
Final Thoughts
Love should never feel like a competition to see who texts, calls, or plans more. When it starts to feel that way, the balance is off.
Chasing is a dead end—it means wanting something that isn’t yours. Real love doesn’t require pursuit; it flows naturally between two people who want to be there.
Someone truly worth your heart will never make you chase. And when you stop running after those who don’t match your energy, you make space for the one who will.
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