In a relationship, love should be built on trust, mutual respect, and a sense of freedom. But sometimes, one partner can begin to take control in a way that feels less like love and more like manipulation. In my relationship with my girlfriend, I’ve noticed behaviors that could easily cross the line into controlling.
It’s important to reflect on these behaviors because they can create an unhealthy dynamic. So, here are 12 signs you’re a controlling woman, from a man’s perspective, with real-life examples of what it feels like for him.
Signs you are controlling
1. You Always Want to Make the Decisions
It’s okay for you to take charge sometimes, but when it’s always you making the decisions—where to eat, what movie to watch, or even how to spend weekends—it starts to feel like he has no say. Over time, he may stop making suggestions because he knows they’ll be shut down.
For example: When you’re planning a weekend getaway, you say, “I already know what we should do,” without asking for his input. He starts to feel like his ideas don’t matter, and he’s just along for the ride.
Related: 7 Things That Make a Woman Unattractive to Her Husband
2. You Monitor His Social Media and Texts
There’s nothing wrong with sharing parts of your life, but when you constantly ask to see his messages or scroll through his social media accounts, it feels like you’re keeping tabs on him. This kind of constant surveillance can destroy trust.
For example: Every time his phone rings or buzzes, you ask, “Who’s that?” When he tells you, you dig deeper, asking for more details. He starts to feel like he has no privacy, and his every move is being watched.
3. You Criticize His Friends or Family
It’s natural to have your own opinions, but when you constantly criticize the people he cares about, it can make him feel stuck between you and them. He doesn’t want to choose sides, but when you make it clear that his relationships with others aren’t acceptable to you, it creates unnecessary tension.
For example: He invites his friend Mark over, and you immediately start making negative comments like, “I don’t know why you hang out with him. He’s just a bad influence.” This makes him uncomfortable and eventually, he’ll feel like he has to choose between you and his friends.
Related: 10 Clear Signs Of A Controlling Boyfriend In A Relationship
4. You Guilt Trip Him for Spending Time Alone
Everyone needs some alone time to recharge, but when he tries to take a break, you make him feel guilty for needing space. It’s not that he doesn’t enjoy spending time with you, but he also needs some personal time to relax or pursue his own interests.
For example: When he tells you he wants to spend a few hours with his friends, you sigh and say, “I guess you’d rather be with them than with me, huh?” He feels guilty for wanting some time to himself, even though it’s perfectly normal.
5. You Set Limits on Who He Can Talk To
If you start dictating who he can and can’t talk to, that’s a major red flag. A relationship built on trust means he should be free to interact with anyone, but when you try to control his social circle, it becomes about power, not love.
For example: He talks to his female friend from college, and you ask, “Why are you talking to her so much? Don’t you think that’s a little weird?” He feels like he has to justify every conversation he has, even though it’s harmless.
Related: 10 Warning Signs Your Husband is Controlling
6. You Get Jealous Easily
It’s natural to feel a little jealous now and then, but when jealousy becomes a constant, it starts to feel suffocating. If you’re always questioning where he is, who he’s with, or why he’s talking to certain people, it chips away at the trust in the relationship.
For example: When he goes out with friends, you immediately ask, “Is there a girl with you?” or “Why didn’t you invite me?” He starts to feel like he’s being accused of something, even though he’s just hanging out with friends.
7. You Use Manipulative Tactics
Manipulation can be subtle, like guilt-tripping or passive-aggressive comments. If you manipulate situations to get your way, it creates an unhealthy environment where he feels he has to walk on eggshells.
For example: When he brings up an issue, you respond with, “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t make me feel like this.” This makes him feel guilty for simply expressing his feelings, and it shuts down honest communication.
Related; 7 Signs Your Husband Is Secretly Punishing You
8. You Don’t Accept Criticism
Healthy relationships require both partners to be open to feedback. But if you can’t handle even constructive criticism and react defensively, it prevents any meaningful growth or resolution.
For example: When he mentions that he feels hurt when you cancel plans without letting him know in advance, you respond with, “You’re just being dramatic. It’s not a big deal.” He feels like his feelings aren’t being taken seriously, and it makes him hesitant to open up in the future.
9. You Make Everything About You
When every conversation, every situation, and every argument becomes about your needs and feelings, it leaves little room for him to express himself. A relationship should be a two-way street, and it’s important to acknowledge both of your needs.
For example: When you argue, you list everything he’s done wrong but never let him explain his side. He starts to feel like he can’t speak up without it turning into a list of his flaws.
10. You Try to Change Him
It’s natural to want the best for your partner, but if you’re constantly trying to change his personality, career, or interests, it can be exhausting. Love should inspire growth, not force him to become someone he’s not.
For example: You’ve been asking him to quit playing video games because you think it’s a waste of time. Every time he sits down to play, you tell him he should be doing something “productive.” He starts to feel like he’s being judged for his hobbies.
11. You Hold His Past Against Him
Everyone has a past, and no one is perfect. But if you keep bringing up things he’s done wrong in the past, it makes it harder for him to move forward. Constantly digging up old mistakes can prevent both of you from growing together.
For example: Every time you argue, you bring up how he once forgot your birthday two years ago, even though he’s apologized for it. It feels like you’re using his past mistakes as ammunition instead of allowing the relationship to move forward.
12. You Disregard His Boundaries
Boundaries are crucial in any healthy relationship. If you constantly disregard his emotional or physical boundaries, it can make him feel disrespected and disconnected.
For example: He’s asked for some alone time after a stressful day at work, but you insist on spending time together. Despite him expressing his need for space, you push forward with plans, making him feel like his comfort doesn’t matter.
If any of these signs feel familiar to you, it’s time to reflect on how the relationship is evolving. A controlling behavior, whether intentional or not, can have a damaging impact on both partners. Relationships should be about mutual respect, trust, and space to grow as individuals and as a couple. If you find yourself engaging in any of these behaviors, it’s time to take a step back and reevaluate what your partner truly needs.
What do you think? Have you noticed these signs in your relationship? Whether you’re the one controlling or being controlled, it’s important to create a healthy, open environment for both of you.
How will you ensure the relationship is built on trust and respect? Let’s talk in the comments.
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