How Is Life with a Narcissist?

Ever feel like you constantly have to walk on eggshells around someone?

Like your feelings are never validated, but theirs always are?

Life with a narcissist can be baffling. Exhausting. Heartbreaking.

It may start out magical and sweet. But slowly, surely, you begin questioning yourself — and even your reality.

You may wonder: How is life with a narcissist? What does it actually look like? What can you do about it?

Today, we’ll cover:

What narcissism is and what causes it?
Examples of how life with a narcissist can play out day to day
How relationships with narcissists can affect your mental health
Signs you may be in a relationship with a narcissist
How to establish stronger boundaries with a narcissist (if you choose to)
And more

What Is Narcissism?

If you have been reading my posts, you will notice that I have covered a lot about Narcissism. However, in case you don’t know what narcissism means, I will still explain that for the purpose of clarity.

What Does Narcissism Mean?

Psychologically, narcissism is a personality trait that exists on a spectrum.

It’s normal to be somewhat self-focused. We all are at times.

But when someone takes it to the extreme and it begins negatively impacting others, it may be considered clinical narcissism.

At extreme levels, narcissistic traits can develop into Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

American Psychological Association (APA) Dictionary of Psychology defines narcissism as “A personality trait characterized by grandiosity, a sense of entitlement, and a need for admiration… Narcissism exists on a continuum from normal to pathological.”

What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition characterized by:

An inflated sense of self-importance
A need for constant admiration
A lack of empathy toward others
High sensitivity to criticism

Put simply, narcissists often feel superior to others and believe they deserve special treatment. They struggle to genuinely care about other people’s feelings or situations.

Some people with narcissistic tendencies have NPD. Not everyone does. But when narcissism reaches extreme levels and consistently harms others, it can become particularly difficult to live with.

How Is Life With a Narcissist in the Beginning?

Contrary to what you might think, life with a narcissist often begins wonderfully.

The Beginning Phase: “Love Bombing”

The early stages of dating a narcissist are often described as magical.

A common term used is love bombing.

This is when someone overwhelms you with compliments, affection, attention, gifts, and grand gestures.

For example:

They text you all day.
They claim they’ve never met anyone like you.
They “accidentally” send dozens of flowers.

You feel on top of the world.

Like no one could ever understand you the way they do.

Your head spins with emotion.

And it feels amazing.

Until it doesn’t.

The Shift

When reality sets in and the honeymoon phase ends, things slowly start to change.

Maybe you begin hearing increasing criticism:

“You’re too sensitive.”
“Why can’t you be more like my ex?”
“You always think you’re right.”

Over time, these small jabs begin chipping away at your confidence.

You may even experience gaslighting.

Gaslighting is when someone makes you question your memory, perception, or reality.

For example, you tell them something they said hurt you.

They reply, “I never said that.”

Or, “You must be imagining things.”

If this feels familiar, you’re not alone. Many people trying to understand how life with a narcissist feels experience this confusion.

Here is my previous post about 10 Ways Narcissists Reveal Themselves Early

What Does a Typical Day Look Like With a Narcissist?

Here’s what everyday life may look like when living with or dating a narcissist.

Constantly Walking on Eggshells

You feel like you always have to monitor what you say and do.

You think twice before discussing certain topics.

You hide your feelings.

You apologize even when you did nothing wrong.

Life begins to revolve around avoiding their anger.

Riding the Emotional Rollercoaster

One day they tell you how amazing you are.

The next day they ignore you or insult you over something minor.

Because you never know which version of them you’ll get, it creates intense anxiety.

They Don’t Empathize With You

You get sick? They respond by talking about how annoying their allergies are.

You’re stressed at work? They say you’re just complaining.

You had a bad day? They accuse you of being dramatic.

Listening to your problems is not their priority.

If you ask yourself how life with a narcissist feels, this is something you’ll likely notice — your feelings constantly come second (if they’re considered at all).

How Does Life With a Narcissist Affect Your Mental Health?

When you’re with a narcissist day after day, your mental health often suffers.

Your Self-Esteem Declines

Over time, you may begin to believe:

You’re inadequate
No one else will ever love you
You don’t know how to have healthy relationships
Everything is your fault

Even if you entered the relationship with rock-solid self-esteem, you may slowly begin doubting yourself.

Anxiety and Depression

You may experience:

Sleep problems
Constant panic
Hopelessness
Feeling trapped

You might withdraw from others because they don’t understand what your partner is like behind closed doors.

You Lose Yourself

You slowly stop:

Doing things for yourself
Spending time with friends
Expressing opinions

Life becomes about fulfilling their needs.

Patterns in Narcissistic Relationships

Narcissistic relationships often follow predictable patterns.

The Idealize–Devalue–Discard Cycle

This pattern often repeats.

First, they charm you with love and admiration (idealize).

Then they criticize you and attack your character (devalue).

Next, they may ghost you, find someone new, or emotionally withdraw (discard).

Sometimes, the cycle starts again.

Controlling and Isolating You

Narcissists may:

Put down your friends
Accuse you of cheating without reason
Track your phone or whereabouts

The goal is to make you feel dependent on them.

Life With a Narcissistic Parent

Relationships with narcissists aren’t always romantic.

If you grew up with a narcissistic parent, it might have felt like:

Your accomplishments were never good enough
They yelled at you unpredictably
You were expected to meet their emotional needs

As an adult, you may struggle with boundaries or feeling worthy of praise.

Life With a Narcissistic Boss

Narcissists can exist in the workplace too.

You might notice:

They publicly praise you but remove you from projects
They take credit for your work
They blame you for mistakes

Working under a narcissistic boss can cause stress, anxiety, and burnout.

If you have a Narcissistic boss, refer to my article about how to deal with him or her.

Why Do People Stay With a Narcissist?

If life is draining and your mental health is suffering, why stay?

Trauma Bonding

Trauma bonding occurs when emotional highs and lows create strong attachment.

You believe you can change them.

You focus on the good moments and minimize the bad.

The cycle creates emotional dependency — almost like an addiction.

Hope for Change

You may look back at the beginning and hope they’ll return to that version of themselves.

But meaningful change would require:

Deep self-awareness (rare)
Years of therapy (often resisted)

Unfortunately, many narcissists refuse to believe they have a problem.

Signs of a Narcissist: What to Look For

Common signs include:

Constant need for praise
Refusal to take accountability
Blaming others for everything
Extreme reactions to criticism
Charismatic yet manipulative behavior

One or two traits alone don’t automatically mean someone is a narcissist.

But consistent patterns are worth paying attention to.

How to Deal With a Narcissist (And Set Boundaries)

If you live with or date a narcissist, there are steps you can take.

1. Set Firm Boundaries

Boundaries are limits you set to protect your well-being.

Examples:

“I will not continue this discussion if you yell.”
“I need time to think before I respond.”

They will likely test your boundaries. Stay consistent.

2. Stop Over-Explaining

If you over-explain, they may turn your words into an argument.

You do not need to justify yourself.

Keep responses short and neutral.

This is sometimes called the “gray rock” technique — remaining emotionally neutral to avoid fueling conflict.

3. Reach Out for Support

Spend more time with:

Friends
Family
A therapist

Distance helps you see the manipulation more clearly.

4. Document Incidents

If you fear escalation, keep records of conversations or incidents.

This can help you stay grounded and protect yourself if necessary.

5. Seek Professional Help

A mental health professional can help you:

Rebuild self-esteem
Understand trauma bonding
Develop healthy coping strategies

Related: 7 Things Narcissists Don’t Do

FAQs

Can a Narcissist Change?

Yes, change is possible — but unlikely.

True change requires:

Deep self-awareness
Long-term therapy
Consistent effort

These are qualities many narcissists resist.

Do Narcissists Know What They’re Doing?

Some do. Some don’t.

Some justify their behavior by saying everyone acts this way — or that you’re too sensitive.

Regardless of their awareness, the impact remains harmful.

Is Being in a Relationship With a Narcissist My Fault?

Absolutely not.

Narcissists often shift blame and avoid responsibility.

Healthy relationships involve mutual accountability.

How Does Life Feel After You Leave?

Many people experience:

Emotional withdrawal
Doubting their decision
Gradual rebuilding of confidence

Over time, clarity and peace return.

Healing From Emotional Abuse

You can heal from a relationship with a narcissist.

Understanding how life with a narcissist works helps you make sense of your experience.

Rediscover who you are:

What are your hobbies?
What do you believe in?
What are your needs?

Rebuild old relationships. Create new ones.

Practice Self-Forgiveness

Would you speak to a friend the way you speak to yourself?

Offer yourself compassion instead of criticism.

Educate Yourself

When you understand narcissism, you’ll begin to:

Feel validated
Reduce self-blame
Avoid similar patterns

Knowledge is empowering.

What Do Healthy Relationships Look Like?

Healthy relationships are built on:

Mutual respect
Emotional safety
Open communication
Accountability
Empathy

You should never feel afraid to express concerns.

If you do, the relationship isn’t healthy.

Final Thoughts

Life with a narcissist can feel like being trapped in a lightning storm.

Days full of sunshine — followed by sudden, violent downpours.

Change is possible.

You can set boundaries.

You can heal.

But you deserve more than suppressing your feelings.

You deserve love that lifts you up — not tears you down.

Life doesn’t have to feel this way.

You deserve to feel emotionally safe.

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ONWE DAMIAN

Onwe Damian Chukwuemeka is a relationship and self-improvement coach, as well as a final-year law student at the University of Calabar, Nigeria. He has distinguished himself in leadership and service, and has held key positions such as Deputy Director of Public Prosecution in the Students’ Union Government and Justice of the Malabor High Court, University of Calabar, Nigeria. Learn more about him

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