A friend of mine once shared one of the scariest revelations with me:
“If I let you in, you’re going to love me until I love you back. And I might not.”
I don’t know about you, but that hit me like a ton of bricks.
Allowing love into your life should be the easy part of the relationship equation. After all, if someone is putting in that energy, it stands to reason that you would welcome that love and treat it like a delicacy.
Only you don’t. You can’t.
The truth is, the process of opening your heart to love is one of the most difficult things you will ever do.
For many people, the challenge isn’t in finding love — it’s in letting it in.
Maybe you’ve struggled to accept compliments or the generosity of people you care about. Perhaps your last partner noticed that you were shutting down when they tried to love you and eventually moved on to someone who didn’t make them feel so alone.
The act of opening yourself up to receive love from someone you care about is full of traps and setbacks because it challenges everything you think you need to be in order to be loved.
But the good news is that you can do it.
By following these steps, you can learn how to let someone love you.
How to Allow Yourself to Be Loved
1. Understand Where the Resistance Comes From
There’s always a reason you push back when it comes to love.
You don’t wake up in the morning saying, “Today I think I’ll be less available than I was yesterday.”
No — there’s something deeper at work here. If you’re one of the many people who have been hurt in the past by someone they loved, fear of loss is hardwired into your system.
This is your brain’s protective mechanism, and it will kick into action at the slightest hint of a threat to your heart.
Do yourself a favor and ask why you have a difficult time giving and receiving love.
When it comes to love, how are you different from other people?
Do you expect people who love you to read your mind? Are you confused about what love is? Or do you feel like you always have to be the one responsible for making the relationship work?
Once you know what your roadblocks are, you’ll find the path to allowing others to love you much smoother.
Related: 9 Signs You Don’t Love Yourself Enough
2. Start With Self-Compassion
The only way you can allow someone to love you is if you love yourself first.
Does this mean you have to be an egomaniac to find love? Of course not.
But it does mean you have to accept yourself as you are — good, bad, and messy.
We live in a world that makes people believe they have to be a specific type of person to be accepted and loved.
The truth is, to allow someone to love you, all you need to do is show yourself some compassion.
Try saying things like:
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“I’m doing my best.”
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“I forgive myself for my past mistakes.”
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“It’s okay to be a work in progress.”
Be gentle with yourself, and the rest will fall into place.
Related: How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others
3. Let People Show Up for You
You’re not Superwoman — no one can do everything.
One of the biggest signs that you’re not allowing yourself to be loved is that you never let people help you.
The truth is, there’s nothing wrong with admitting you can’t do something alone and allowing someone you love to help you.
We are social beings, and we all need people in our lives.
Don’t be afraid to let others help you in small ways throughout your day, and see how much easier it becomes to open yourself up to love.
Related: How To Love Yourself Better Than You Do
4. Communicate Your Fears
If you have a hard time receiving love, don’t be afraid to let the people in your life know.
Love is built on trust, and when it comes to matters of the heart, honesty is the best policy.
If you’re having issues with someone you love, be direct and tell them why.
Tell them you need space, or that you feel they aren’t giving you what you need.
Being able to talk about your feelings with someone is a surefire way to increase connection and open yourself up to receiving love.
Related: 9 Signs You Are Not Getting What You Deserve In A Relationship
5. Redefine What Love Looks Like
Sometimes you have difficulty accepting love because you’re not sure what to look for.
Many people have a romanticized version of what love is, and until you change your definition, you’ll always feel that something is missing.
The truth is, when it comes to love, there is no one-size-fits-all mold.
Love can show itself in all different shapes and sizes — but only if you’re open to receiving it.
Try changing your view of what love is, and you’ll be surprised by how much more of it flows into your life.
Related: 5 Date Planning Inspo For Long Distance Relationships
6. Challenge the Belief That You’re “Too Much” or “Not Enough”
Many people feel unworthy of being loved because they have a constant need to validate themselves through others.
This validation only reinforces the belief that they are either too much or not enough.
If you struggle with this, it’s time to challenge that idea in your head.
It’s time to tell yourself — and the world — that you are just enough.
7. Heal at Your Own Pace
Healing from past wounds and trauma can be a long, difficult process. If you try to rush it, the journey toward allowing yourself to be loved becomes even harder.
Be patient with yourself, and let healing take its natural course.
Remember that healing is not a race — it’s a process.
If you’re not ready to be loved, don’t force it. Allow yourself to open up at your own pace, and you’ll find that it’s a much smoother and more authentic experience.
8. Learn to Trust Again
If you want to allow yourself to be loved, you must learn to trust again.
Trust is a vital part of any relationship, and without it, real intimacy can’t exist.
This is easier said than done, of course. But if you can find a way to rebuild trust — even in small ways — you’ll be well on your way to allowing yourself to be loved.
9. Let Go of the Fear of Losing Control
One of the biggest reasons people struggle to open themselves up to love is the fear of losing control.
This fear is completely natural. But if you want to allow yourself to be loved, you need to let go of it.
Love doesn’t mean losing control of your life; it means learning to share it.
When you release the fear of losing control, you make room for connection, support, and vulnerability — the true building blocks of love.
10. Remember: Love Is a Mirror
The love you allow into your life is a reflection of how you feel about yourself.
If you’re not in a position to accept love, you won’t be in a position to give it either.
Love is a mirror. If you want to allow yourself to be loved, you must first be open to receiving it.
Love is a two-way street — giving and receiving go hand in hand.
When you open yourself to love, you invite more of it into your life, both from others and from within.
In Closing
You can’t truly love if you don’t allow yourself to be loved.
Love is a two-way street, and if you want to be able to give love, you need to be able to receive it.
Allowing yourself to be loved isn’t always easy, but it is possible.
If you take the time to work on the things mentioned above, you’ll be well on your way to letting love in.
Remember: the love you allow into your life will always reflect how you feel about yourself.
So, be open. Be gentle. Be willing.
Because when you finally let yourself be loved, you’ll realize that love was never the hard part — it was believing you were worthy of it.
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