How to Become a Better Mom

Motherhood is one of the most rewarding, exhausting, and life-changing experiences a woman will ever have. Whether you’re a new mom or an experienced one, there are times when you feel like you just can’t do it anymore.

There will be days when your child makes you laugh until you cry, days when you both learn and grow together, and then there are those days when you just want to scream. Every mom, whether new or seasoned, shares one thing in common: you all want to be the best mom you can be.

Becoming a better mom isn’t about being perfect. It’s about learning and growing as a mother, just as your child is learning and growing every day. It’s about being present in the moment, not being too hard on yourself, and finding balance.

So, how can you become a better mom? Here are some tips to help you become the mom you were always meant to be, while keeping your sanity and well-being intact.

How to Become a Better Mom

1. Practice Patience

Patience is the most essential skill in motherhood, and it’s also one of the hardest to learn. Kids, especially toddlers, are unpredictable. One second they’re laughing and playing, and the next, they’re crying for no apparent reason.

You know how you’re supposed to react in these situations, but when you’re a mom, sometimes you just react instead of being patient and losing your temper. However, if there’s one thing you can control as a mom, it’s how you react. You can be better by being patient with your child, instead of yelling or getting angry.

How to Practice Patience:

Count to 10: Before you lose your patience with your child, pause and count to ten—or even a hundred. Give yourself some time to breathe before you respond to their antics.
Empathize: Children, especially toddlers, have trouble controlling their emotions. If your toddler is upset, chances are they’re doing the best they can to calm themselves. They’re probably just as upset as you are because they can’t express how they’re feeling. Be empathetic and show them that you understand their emotions.
Forgive yourself: We’re only human, and none of us are perfect. If you lose your patience one day, don’t beat yourself up over it. Apologize to your child, explain that you were wrong, and try again the next day.

2. Show Unconditional Love

Every child needs to feel loved. But in the throes of motherhood, it’s not always easy to make them feel that way.

Part of that is making sure your child knows you love them unconditionally. Love them even when they’re being stubborn, not listening, or being challenging in other ways. Your children need to know you love them no matter what.

This doesn’t mean you love them any less when they’re being difficult—it means they need to feel loved at all times, especially when they are being naughty. To be a better mom, love your children unconditionally.

How to Show Unconditional Love:

Give hugs, kisses, and cuddles: Physical affection is one of the best ways to show your child you love them. Cuddle up with them, give them hugs and kisses, and don’t forget the tickles.
Say positive affirmations: Words of affirmation matter. Let your child know you love and appreciate them by giving them genuine compliments.
Encourage their individuality: Help your child embrace their uniqueness. Stop comparing them to others and encourage them to be their own person.

3. Make Time for Yourself

Being a mom is hard work, and it’s no wonder that those who look after others feel like they can never take a break or care for themselves. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned in the past four years about taking care of children, it’s that if you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else. To be a better mom, take care of yourself.

How to Make Time for Yourself:

Know your limits: If something comes up and you don’t have time to accommodate it, don’t feel bad about declining or being unavailable. Know your limits, set them, and hold others to them.
Schedule it: Book time in your calendar for yourself. Whether it’s five minutes in the morning with coffee, an evening walk, or a few hours in the afternoon with a friend, make it count and protect the time.
Ask for help: Don’t be afraid to lean on those around you. Ask your husband, family, or friends to help out.

4. Be Consistent with Discipline

Consistency is key when it comes to discipline. Children need consistency to develop structure and to know what to expect.

Inconsistent parenting—where one day a certain behavior is corrected, and the next it’s not—can quickly result in your child testing the limits more and more, and also disliking boundaries altogether. To be a better mom, be consistent with your discipline.

How to Be Consistent with Discipline:

Set the rules: Make sure your child knows the rules. Keep them simple and easy to understand, and stick to them.
Let your child experience the natural consequences of their behavior: Letting your child face the consequences of their actions, without jumping in to “rescue” them, helps them understand cause and effect.
Stay calm: Discipline should not involve yelling, and it shouldn’t be a punishment out of anger. Stay calm, set the limits, and explain to your child why what they did was unacceptable and what needs to change.

5. Teach Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is a powerful tool, and it’s something that can have a lifelong impact on your child. Teaching your child how to be emotionally intelligent is crucial for their life and will help them grow into better people.

Help them learn about emotions. Teach them to control their emotions and express them appropriately, so they can grow up to be successful.

How to Teach Emotional Intelligence:

Name the emotion: When your child is experiencing an emotion they can’t quite control, you can help them by identifying the emotion for them. “You’re mad because you couldn’t get the toy to work, aren’t you?”
Teach them emotional regulation: Show your child how you manage your own emotions. Talk to them about how you felt when you were angry or upset, and model how you cope.
Encourage empathy: Help your child understand and consider the feelings of others.

6. Stay Present and Engaged

One of the best things you can do for your child is to be there—physically and mentally. We live in a world of distractions. I know I can be in the same room with my son and have my attention on everything BUT him. By being physically and mentally present for your child, you’re teaching them to be present, too.

How to Stay Present and Engaged:

Put down the distractions: The simplest way to be present with your child is to literally be present. Put your phone away, turn off the TV, and focus on your child.
Listen to them: When your child talks, listen. Ask questions about their day, their friends, their activities. Show genuine interest.
Family rituals: Whether it’s a nightly bath or a morning breakfast, set activities that you and your family can do together.

7. Let Go of Perfection

This is, by far, the biggest lesson I’ve learned in my four years of being a mom. Perfection is an unattainable ideal. It doesn’t exist—not in life, and certainly not in motherhood.

The problem with this is that we all strive to be better, which can often lead to the negative side of perfectionism. Negative perfectionists are overly critical, disappointed, and set standards that are too high to reach. So, be a better mom, but don’t try to be a perfect mom.

How to Let Go of Perfection:

Acknowledge your imperfections: Be honest with yourself. You’re not perfect, and no mom is. Don’t expect yourself to be.
Celebrate the little things: Don’t wait for something big to celebrate. Pat yourself on the back, give yourself a cookie, and enjoy the small successes.
Don’t go for perfection, go for growth: Every day is a new opportunity to grow and learn. Focus on the progress and growth you make instead of trying to be perfect.

8. Strengthen Your Relationship with Your Partner

Your marriage is the foundation of your home, and as a mom, it’s the basis of your relationship with your children. To be a better mom, you also need to be a better partner. This means having a good, healthy relationship with your spouse. Good communication, mutual support, and teamwork are crucial.

How to Strengthen Your Relationship:

Talk to each other: Make time for each other, and talk about your day, your needs, and your struggles.
Help each other out: Parenting is a team sport. Help each other by splitting household chores, assisting with the kids, or just listening.
Date nights: This doesn’t mean you have to go out and spend money. Do something special with your partner, just the two of you, to help you reconnect.

9. Learn to Delegate

As moms, we want to do it all. The problem is, we can’t. And while learning to ask for help instead of jumping at every opportunity to do something yourself is part of delegation, it’s more than that. Delegate to your partner, other family members, friends, but also to your kids as they grow older.

How to Delegate:

Ask for help: If you need help, ask for it. Don’t be afraid to call in reinforcements.
Let your child help: As your children grow older, start involving them in more household chores and responsibilities.
Don’t do it all: Focus on the important things and let go of the rest. You don’t have to do everything.

Final Thoughts

Motherhood is a journey, and the path is full of twists and turns. Don’t try to be perfect—just try to show up every day. Love your children, teach them right from wrong, show them empathy, and you’ll find that you’re exactly the mom you need to be. And, of course, don’t forget to take care of yourself, too.

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ONWE DAMIAN

Onwe Damian Chukwuemeka is a relationship and self-improvement coach, as well as a final-year law student at the University of Calabar, Nigeria. He has distinguished himself in leadership and service, and has held key positions such as Deputy Director of Public Prosecution in the Students’ Union Government and Justice of the Malabor High Court, University of Calabar, Nigeria. Learn more about him

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