Learning how to deal with an emotionally immature parent can be a deeply painful and confusing process. You may feel lost, resentful, guilty, or just plain unsure of yourself—years after your parent should have “grown up.”
Too many of us don’t realize the toll being raised by a toxic parent can take on our self-esteem, relationships, and mental health until we’re adults desperately trying to make sense of our lives.
If you’re reading this, odds are you’ve already felt the heavy emotional impact of trying to “keep the peace” with a toxic parent. The good news is this: you’re not crazy. You’re not overreacting. You’re not the only one.
Learning how to deal with an emotionally immature parent is hard—but it is possible. Here’s where to start.
What Is an Emotionally Immature and Toxic Parent?
An emotionally immature parent has difficulty regulating their emotions, taking accountability for their behavior, or meeting basic emotional needs. Instead of being a source of safety, they often become a source of confusion, fear, and emotional chaos.
Behaviors that may make you feel like you’re dealing with a toxic parent include:
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Talking only about themselves
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Invalidating your feelings
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Turning everything into guilt, manipulation, or control
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Refusing to apologize or acknowledge their role in problems
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Hurting you (emotionally or otherwise) when you assert a boundary
You may have also noticed that many emotionally immature parents act more like children than caregivers—constantly seeking reassurance, requiring you to walk on eggshells around their needs, and expecting you to sacrifice your own needs in the name of “peace.”
Related: 10 Habits of People Who Grew Up With Narcissistic Parents
Signs You’re Dealing With an Emotionally Immature Parent
Here are some key signs you may be dealing with an emotionally immature or toxic parent:
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They perceive all disagreements as disrespect
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They invalidate your emotions (“You’re too sensitive”)
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They guilt-trip you when you set a boundary
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They compete with you instead of supporting you
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They retaliate by gaslighting or changing the narrative
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They expect total loyalty while providing no emotional safety
If you recognize any of these patterns, it’s not your fault. It’s the result of being raised by an emotionally unaware and immature parent.
Related: How To Heal From Narcissistic Parent
Why Is It So Hard to Deal With a Toxic Parent?
One reason dealing with a toxic and emotionally immature parent is so difficult is that we’re constantly bombarded with messages telling us we should forgive, tolerate, or excuse our parents—no matter what.
Sayings like:
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“But they’re still your parent”
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“Family is everything”
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“They did the best they could”
These beliefs can trap you in cycles of guilt and self-blame. But honoring your pain does not make you ungrateful. Wanting peace does not make you a bad person.
You are allowed to set boundaries—even with family.
How to Deal With an Emotionally Immature and Toxic Parent
Step 1: Accept Who They Are (Not Who You Want Them to Be)
This step is hard—but essential.
Emotionally immature parents rarely change unless they genuinely want to, and many do not.
Waiting for them to finally “get it,” take accountability, or become emotionally supportive only leads to more disappointment.
Acceptance doesn’t mean approval. It means you:
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Let go of unrealistic expectations
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Acknowledge their emotional limitations
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Stop hoping that this time will be different
Accepting who your toxic parent truly is helps you stop chasing emotional validation they’re incapable of giving.
Step 2: Stop Repeating Yourself Over and Over
Emotionally immature parents often refuse to understand your perspective—not because you’re unclear, but because understanding would require accountability.
Stop:
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Overexplaining or justifying your decisions
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Arguing yourself into existence
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Trying to prove the legitimacy of your pain
Your feelings are valid even if your parent never accepts them. Explaining yourself to someone unwilling to listen only drains your energy.
Step 3: Set Clear, Firm Boundaries (and Prepare for the Reaction)
Boundaries are critical when dealing with a toxic parent—but they rarely go over well.
A boundary might sound like:
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“I won’t discuss my personal life with you.”
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“I’ll end this conversation if you speak to me that way.”
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“I’m not available for unannounced visits.”
Emotionally immature parents often respond to boundaries with:
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Anger
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Guilt-tripping
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Playing the victim
If this happens, it doesn’t mean you were wrong. It means the boundary was necessary.
Boundaries aren’t about controlling them—they’re about protecting you.
Step 4: Let Go of the Need for Their Approval
A common outcome of being raised by emotionally immature parents is lifelong approval-seeking.
You may feel a constant need to prove your worth, success, or goodness.
If your parent couldn’t provide healthy validation when you were a child, they are unlikely to start now.
Healing begins when you:
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Learn to validate yourself
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Trust your own judgment and intuition
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Stop tying your worth to their reactions
You do not need their permission to live your life.
Step 5: Limit Emotional Exposure
You don’t have to cut your parent out of your life entirely to protect your mental health—but you may need to limit emotional access.
This can include:
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Keeping conversations surface-level
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Sharing less personal information
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Spending less time together
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Choosing when, where, and how you engage
This approach—sometimes called emotional detachment—helps keep you grounded instead of pulled into old, damaging patterns.
Step 6: Grieve the Parent You Never Had
One of the most overlooked parts of healing from a toxic parent is grief.
You may need to grieve:
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The childhood you deserved
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The emotional safety you should have had
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The parent who couldn’t show up for you
This grief is real. It is painful. Ignoring it only delays healing.
Grieving doesn’t make you weak—it makes you human.
Step 7: Reparent Yourself With Kindness and Compassion
Growing up with an emotionally immature parent often means missing out on basic emotional care:
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Comfort
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Reassurance
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Validation
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Safety
Reparenting yourself means:
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Learning to soothe your own emotions
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Offering yourself patience and grace
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Creating healthy routines and boundaries
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Speaking to yourself with kindness
You get to become the consistent, loving presence you always needed.
Step 8: Get Support (You’re Not Alone)
Dealing with a toxic parent is heavy. Support—through therapy, journaling, support groups, or trusted friends—can be life-changing.
A good therapist can help you:
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Untangle guilt and shame
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Build emotional resilience
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Learn healthy relationship patterns
You deserve support just as much as anyone else.
When Low Contact or No Contact Is the Best Option
For some people, limited contact—or no contact at all—is the healthiest choice. This decision is deeply personal and often misunderstood.
Choosing distance doesn’t mean you hate your parent.
It means you choose your well-being.
Only you can decide what level of contact feels safe and healthy for you.
Final Thoughts
If you’re struggling to figure out how to deal with an emotionally immature and toxic parent, remember this:
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You did not imagine their behavior
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You did not cause it
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You are not responsible for fixing it
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You are not the problem
Healing isn’t about changing your parent. It’s about reclaiming your voice, your peace, and your sense of self.
No matter how long it takes, you are allowed to build a healthier life.
You deserve emotional safety—now and always.
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