How To Make A Narcissist Leave The Relationship On Their Own

Wait…

Before I explain how to get a narcissist to leave you, let me first share a brief story about the relationship that drained me—and how I recovered.

I met my ex-girlfriend and immediately felt like it was love at first sight.

She was confident, charismatic, and full of endless stories and jokes. She made me feel like I was the chosen one. The special one. Finally, someone who truly saw me.

You know what I mean.
Crazy intense love.
High-speed love.
Addiction-type love.

But… slowly…

The spark turned into confusion.

Apologizing for things I didn’t understand.
Explaining myself repeatedly.
Walking on eggshells.
Second-guessing my words.
Questioning my memory.

Is this normal? I wondered, doubting everything I said and did.

Whenever we argued, it became “my fault.” Whenever I set a boundary, it was deemed “selfish.” When I expressed emotions, she would belittle them or turn them against me.

Little did I know, I was trapped in a narcissistic relationship.

What made things worse was this: I didn’t want to break up with her through screaming and yelling. I didn’t want insults. Drama. Attacks. Character assassinations. Gaslighting.

Hell no.

I had seen firsthand what happened when others “attempted” to leave narcissists.

Broken marriages.
Broken families.
Broken lives.

So I decided to do the complete opposite of what everyone else tried to do.

I stopped playing my part.

The part that was keeping the relationship alive.

Instead of screaming, name-calling, and putting her down… I did the opposite.

I refused to provide her with what she needed.

Notice I didn’t say:

Yell at her.
Insult her.
Try to hurt her.
Battle back.

All I did was…

Stop feeding the dynamic.

And do you know what happened?

She left me on her own accord.

Understanding the Narcissistic Dynamic

Healthy relationships run on love.

Toxic narcissistic relationships run on what we call supply.

Supply looks like:

Attention
Validation
Emotional reactions (good or bad)
Control
Feeling superior
Feeling needed

That’s how they stay.

It’s not about love.

It’s about getting what they want.

And they leave when you:

Stop chasing them
Stop reacting
Stop putting them at the center of your world
Stop needing their approval
Stop allowing yourself to be controlled

Harsh truth.

But it’s true.

I couldn’t make her see me.

But I could take my power back.

When I stopped playing my role…

The entire foundation of the relationship gave way.

And she left.

Save the pin for later

The Night Everything Changed

I remember the night I caught myself apologizing again.

I didn’t even know what I was apologizing for.

She was being cold. Passive-aggressive. Claiming I didn’t “care enough.”

Meanwhile, I was repeating myself like a little puppy afraid of being abandoned.

That’s when I snapped.

Enough was enough.

I was fighting for someone who didn’t fight for me.

I realized I had been trying to earn her love for far too long.

So I finally let go.

Quietly.

I stopped over-explaining.
I stopped justifying myself.
I stopped needing her approval for every emotion.

That subtle shift changed everything.

Relationships with narcissists are a power game.

One person is always working harder.

When I stopped working harder than she was…

The ice crumbled.

I chose to preserve my energy instead of begging for emotional validation.

That was the beginning of the end.

If this resonates with you, believe me—you are not alone.

Once I stopped chasing her, I had to do the one thing that terrified me even more…

I put my limits in place.

I Set Firm, Calm Boundaries

I set boundaries.

Firm. Calm boundaries.

I didn’t yell them at her.
I didn’t preach.
I didn’t deliver emotional monologues.

Just simple, kind, unwavering limits.

One day, she insulted me over something insignificant.

Instead of defending myself or sinking to her level, I looked at her and said:

“If you continue talking to me that way, I will not continue this conversation.”

And the crazy part?

I meant it.

She tried to guilt me into doing something I didn’t want to do.

“I’m not okay with that.”

End of story. No long explanation. No apology.

At first, she laughed.
Mocked me.
Thought she had gotten under my skin.

Then she pushed harder.

She yelled louder.
Tested my limits.

In the past, I would have caved.
I would have apologized until I disappeared.

This time, I calmly said:

“I know you’re upset, but this decision isn’t up for debate.”

She lost it.

Confused. Frustrated. Angry.

Narcissistic people expect you to be emotionally elastic. They bend you, pressure you, push you until you crack.

When you give them that reaction, the relationship continues.

When you stand strong?

The relationship loses its power source.

Never Yell Back at a Narcissist

I learned this the hard way.

At first, I yelled back.

Do you know when the arguing ended?

The moment I stopped reacting.

Anger.
Frustration.
Victimhood.

That’s their fuel.

Take the fuel away, and they don’t know what to do.

With boundaries, you’re not being cruel.

You’re being clear.

With calm consistency, you become a genuine threat.

Setting boundaries doesn’t mean becoming loud or dramatic.

False anger gets you nowhere.

Be strong.
Be calm.

She tried everything:

Constant fighting
Love-bombing
Attacking my character
Ghosting
Suddenly becoming sweet again

Anything to see if I would chase her.

But I didn’t.

Withdrawing Supply

I stopped providing drama.

No more emotional arguments.
No more validating abusive behavior.
No more running in circles to defend myself.

I stood firm.

Not cruel.
Just indifferent.

And suddenly, she had no idea what to do with me.

Taking Back My Power

I rebuilt my life.

Focused on my goals.
Spent time with people who valued me.
Did things that made me happy again.

I stopped revolving around her moods.

My attitude changed.

I no longer cared if she loved me.

I didn’t need to impress her.
Seek approval.
Fear abandonment.

The entire relationship flipped.

Narcissists thrive on emotional dependency.

And that independence terrified her.

The man who once put her on a pedestal…
Was gone.

She became irritated.
Confused.
Restless.

Searching for reactions.

But I stayed solid.

Related: How Narcissists Trap You

Quietly Shifting the Dynamic

Narcissistic relationships are power trips.

She had all the power—until I stood up for myself.

Until I stopped chasing her love.

I didn’t threaten her.
I didn’t explode.
I didn’t beg.

I did nothing.

I withdrew emotionally.
I reclaimed my independence.

And she left.

No chaos.

She looked at me and said:

“I think we should break up.”

Why?

Because the relationship revolved around her…

Until I made it about me again.

How to Get a Narcissist to Leave You — Lessons I Learned

I didn’t “win.”

I didn’t outsmart her.
I didn’t trick her.

I chose myself.

You don’t have to punish them.
You don’t need revenge.
You don’t need to be smarter.

True strength is refusing to play the game.

Stop reacting.
Stop chasing.
Stop making them the center of your universe.

When you stop feeding the relationship, it slowly dies.

Narcissists don’t play fair.

They break hearts.
Exploit love.

But choosing not to play their game is the greatest victory.

Stay strong.
Be gentle with yourself.

You will get through this.

You are not alone.

Save the pin for later

Author
Recent Posts

Follow me

ONWE DAMIAN

Onwe Damian Chukwuemeka is a relationship and self-improvement coach, as well as a final-year law student at the University of Calabar, Nigeria. He has distinguished himself in leadership and service, and has held key positions such as Deputy Director of Public Prosecution in the Students’ Union Government and Justice of the Malabor High Court, University of Calabar, Nigeria. Learn more about him

Follow me