15 Ways To Make a Narcissist Want You Back

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Do you want to reconcile with your ex Narcissistic partner? Here are tips on how to make a Narcissist want you back.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a complex and often misunderstood condition characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. Individuals with NPD often struggle with maintaining healthy relationships due to their manipulative and self-centered behaviors. Understanding this disorder is crucial for anyone considering re-engagement with a narcissistic individual.

In the realm of psychology, NPD is seen as a spectrum, with varying degrees of severity. The disorder may manifest through grandiosity, a preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love. People with narcissistic tendencies tend to require constant praise and admiration and may also expect special treatment due to their perceived superiority.

Understanding NPD requires recognizing the fragile self-esteem that underlies the outward bravado. Despite their apparent confidence, narcissists often rely on others to validate their self-worth. This dichotomy is key to their psyche: they both desire and disdain the approval of others. Recognizing these traits is the first step in determining how to navigate a relationship with a narcissist, especially if one desires to rekindle the connection.

Why Would You Want a Narcissist Back?

The question arises: why would anyone seek to rekindle a relationship with someone exhibiting narcissistic traits? The answer is not straightforward. Often, the allure of a narcissist can be strong. They can be charming, charismatic, and exciting to be around. In the early stages of a relationship, they may shower their partner with attention and affection, making them feel special and valued.

Moreover, the cycle of idealization and devaluation in a relationship with a narcissist can create a powerful emotional bond. During the idealization phase, the narcissist places their partner on a pedestal, only to subsequently devalue them, causing a whirlwind of emotional highs and lows. This dynamic can lead to a form of trauma bonding, making it difficult for the partner to let go.

The Dangers of Getting Back with a Narcissist

Re-engaging with a narcissistic individual is fraught with potential pitfalls. One must consider the emotional and psychological risks involved. Narcissists are notorious for being emotionally abusive and manipulating their partners to maintain control and superiority. The scars left by such abuse can be deep, affecting one’s self-esteem and capacity to trust.

The unpredictability of a narcissist’s behavior can also lead to a tumultuous relationship. Their need for constant admiration and attention means they may quickly become bored or dissatisfied, leading to a cycle of breakups and reconciliations that can be emotionally exhausting for their partner.

Furthermore, the lack of empathy characteristic of NPD means that the narcissist is often unwilling or unable to recognize or address the pain they cause. This can lead to a one-sided relationship where the partner’s needs and feelings are consistently neglected or invalidated.

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How to Make a Narcissist Want You Back

1. Mirror Their Behavior:

One strategy for re-attracting a narcissist is to mirror their behavior. Narcissists are attracted to individuals who reflect their own values, beliefs, and behaviors. By emulating their confidence, self-assuredness, and even their body language, one might reignite their interest. This approach involves being mindful of how the narcissist presents themselves and subtly adopting similar traits.

Mirroring extends beyond mere imitation; it’s about connecting with the narcissist on their level. By demonstrating that you share their worldview, you validate their perceptions and affirm their importance. This technique can be effective, but it requires a delicate balance to avoid losing oneself in the process or reinforcing unhealthy patterns.

Moreover, mirroring their behavior might mean engaging in the same activities they enjoy or showing enthusiasm for their accomplishments. When a narcissist sees their interests and achievements reflected positively in someone else, it strokes their ego and can draw them back into the relationship.

2. Highlight Your Successes:

Narcissists are drawn to success and the appearance of high social status because it mirrors the grandiose image they have of themselves. By highlighting your own successes — whether in your career, social life, or personal achievements — you become more attractive to the narcissist. It’s important to present these successes subtly and without overt bragging to avoid triggering the narcissist’s competitive side.

Showcasing your achievements serves a dual purpose: it not only makes you more desirable in the eyes of the narcissist but also boosts your self-confidence. Remember, true confidence comes from within and is not dependent on the validation of a narcissist. By focusing on your personal growth and accomplishments, you enhance your own life while potentially enticing the narcissist to re-engage with you.

However, caution is advised when taking this approach. While it can be effective in making a narcissist take notice, it should not come at the cost of downplaying your own values or engaging in a superficial display of success.

3. Maintain Boundaries:

Maintaining strong personal boundaries is essential when dealing with a narcissist. Boundaries communicate to the narcissist that you have self-respect and will not tolerate being treated poorly. This can be an attractive quality to a narcissist, as it presents a challenge to their ability to control and manipulate.

Establishing and enforcing boundaries involves being clear about what behaviors you will and will not accept, and being willing to walk away if those boundaries are not respected. This demonstrates to the narcissist that you are not dependent on them for your emotional well-being, which paradoxically can make you more appealing.

It’s important to remain consistent with your boundaries. Narcissists will often test limits to see if they can be overstepped. Staying firm in your resolve shows strength and self-assurance, qualities that a narcissist finds attractive. It also ensures that you protect your emotional health, regardless of whether the narcissist chooses to come back into your life.

4. Focus on Their Interests:

To rekindle a narcissist’s interest, focus on their favorite subjects — themselves and their interests. Engaging in conversations about their passions, listening intently, and showing genuine curiosity can boost their ego and remind them of the attention they crave.

When focusing on their interests, it’s crucial to strike a balance. You want to show that you are interested without becoming a doormat. Ask insightful questions that demonstrate you value their opinions, and provide feedback that reinforces their self-image. This strategy can re-engage a narcissist as it places them back in the spotlight, where they most enjoy being.

However, this should not come at the expense of your own interests and personality. A relationship is a two-way street, and while focusing on the narcissist’s interests may attract them, it’s vital to ensure that your own needs and passions are not being neglected.

Related: How to respond to a Narcissist

5. Be Unpredictable:

Narcissists thrive on predictability in others while often behaving unpredictably themselves. By being unpredictable, you can capture a narcissist’s attention as it presents a challenge and a break from the norm. Changing up your routine, being spontaneous, and not always being available can pique their curiosity and interest.

Unpredictability keeps the narcissist guessing, and this uncertainty can be enticing to them. It introduces an element of excitement and novelty, which narcissists often seek. However, this tactic should be used judiciously. It’s about maintaining a sense of individuality and not being taken for granted, rather than playing games or being manipulative.

The key is to maintain a sense of mystery and independence, which can make the narcissist feel like they have something new and intriguing to conquer. This approach, when combined with maintaining healthy boundaries, can be particularly effective.

Related: Things Narcissists hate most

6. Appeal to Their Ego:

Narcissists have an insatiable need for their ego to be stroked. Appealing to their ego involves acknowledging their accomplishments, intelligence, and attractiveness. Compliments should be genuine and specific to have the greatest impact. The goal is to make the narcissist feel admired and validated, which is a feeling they constantly seek.

When appealing to a narcissist’s ego, it’s essential to avoid flattery that feels insincere or excessive, as this can be off-putting or may lead them to question your motives. Instead, focus on praising aspects of the narcissist that genuinely impress you. This selective praise can make them feel uniquely understood and appreciated.

It’s worth noting that while this strategy may be effective in attracting a narcissist’s attention, it should not be used to the point of self-compromise. Your self-respect and dignity should always take precedence over the need to appeal to someone else’s ego.

7. Use Flattery Strategically:

Flattery, when used strategically, can be a powerful tool in making a narcissist want you back. Narcissists are susceptible to flattery because it affirms their inflated self-image. When offering compliments, do so in a way that seems thoughtful and well-timed, rather than constant and unearned.

Strategic flattery involves recognizing and commending the narcissist’s genuine talents and achievements. It means offering praise when it’s due and not as a means to consistently placate or appease them. This method of flattery can reinforce the narcissist’s positive feelings toward you, as they will associate you with the gratification that comes from receiving compliments.

8. Create Scarcity:

Creating a sense of scarcity involves limiting the narcissist’s access to you and your attention. By doing so, you become more valuable in their eyes. The principle of scarcity suggests that people value what is less available or what they perceive they might lose. When you are less readily available to the narcissist, their desire to have you back can increase.

To create scarcity, focus on your own life, interests, and social connections. Make it clear that you have priorities and commitments beyond the relationship with the narcissist. This demonstrates that you have your own life and are not waiting around for it, which can be both attractive and intriguing to a narcissist.

9. Invoke Jealousy

Creating a sense of jealousy in a narcissist is like playing with fire – it can be an effective strategy but also a dangerous game. This tactic relies on the narcissistic trait of wanting to be the most desired and superior in all aspects, including relationships. To invoke jealousy effectively, subtlety and finesse are paramount.

9. Validate Their Perspective

Narcissists crave acknowledgment and validation. When attempting to make a narcissist want you back, it’s crucial to approach their ego with care, ensuring they feel understood and appreciated.

10. Recognize Their Feelings and Opinions

Listening to a narcissist and acknowledging their feelings can make them feel significant. Engage in conversations where you validate their perspective without compromising your values. This does not mean you have to agree with everything they say, but rather show that you respect their viewpoints.

11. The Art of Compliment and Praise

Offer sincere compliments about their achievements and character traits you genuinely admire. Be specific and authentic; narcissists can often detect flattery that comes from a place of insincerity. By recognizing their positive attributes, you reinforce their self-esteem and can become someone they want to keep around.

12. Avoiding Criticism

It is crucial to steer clear of criticism or confrontational dialogue. Narcissists are often sensitive to critique and can shut down or lash out when they feel attacked. Keeping conversations positive and affirming can make them feel comfortable and more likely to consider re-establishing the connection.

13. Showcase Your Success

Without bragging, let it be known that you are achieving goals and receiving accolades. Whether it’s career advancements, new skills acquired, or social recognition, a narcissist will see your success as a reflection of their own judgment and taste in partners.

14. Engage in Activities That Elevate Your Status

Participating in events or social circles that elevate your status can make a narcissist take notice. They often want to be associated with someone who can enhance their image and standing in the eyes of others.

15. Encourage a Healthy Competition

Find ways to engage in friendly competition with the narcissist. Whether it’s a sport, a game, or a professional achievement, the competitive interaction can renew their interest and investment in the relationship. It’s important to keep this competition light-hearted and non-confrontational to avoid any negative outcomes.

Conclusion

Attempting to rekindle a relationship with a narcissist is not a journey to be taken lightly. It requires a blend of psychological insight, strategic interaction, and, above all, a strong sense of self. The expert tips provided here – invoking jealousy, validating their perspective, being mysterious, and appealing to their sense of competition – are designed to give you the upper hand in making a narcissist want you back.