5 Clear Signs You Need To See Couples Therapist
Wondering whether you should visit a couple’s therapist? Here are 5 signs you need therapy.
One thing about therapy is that there is shame, guilt, and just overall embarrassment that can come with admitting that you ‘need therapy.’
This stigma is more true with couples therapy.
Neither of you wants to admit that you can’t handle issues on your own or that you might care what others think, like ‘they are doomed” or “there must be something wrong with them,” but that is such a toxic way of thinking.
I have heard podcasts of celebrities talking about having highs and lows and not dealing with trauma from their past, which in turn affects their romantic relationships.
Every person who has opened up about their experiences with therapy, I’ve heard nothing about how it’s changed their lives for the better.
As a couple, you can see each other in a different light, whether it brings you closer together or you realize that splitting is the best thing for you both.
You are coming out the other end more understanding and reassured.
It’s a decision that you need to make for yourself and your partner.
So you might be wondering how you know if it’s time for you and your partner to go to therapy and how you would navigate through this phase in your relationship.
Rollercoaster of Relationship
It is normal for relationships, including non-romantic ones, to have their ups and downs and not every disagreement calls for therapy or a middleman to establish who’s ‘right’ or ‘wrong’,’ which is something else we will dive into later.
You should consider therapy when it seems like nothing else is working, but for this to also work, you need to be willing to let your situation be analyzed, become vulnerable, and be ready to leave your ego at the door.
A large number of issues in relationships are communication issues; things can boil up over time and then something you were angry about 6 weeks ago has made you blow up about something as little as not putting washing in the basket.
Many people have trouble communicating things that bother them, whether it’s because they’ve not learned how to, they have a fear of conflict or they just simply don’t want to upset their partner.
Whatever the reason is it can be the core of many relationship’s demise.
However, we cannot excuse alternative reasons such as infidelity, grief, and other factors that could lead to relationship therapy, which is another thing we will discuss in more detail later.
If you are sitting and wondering when the right time is to either bring up couples therapy with your partner or when the right time to go is, then we’ve put together some key indications of when to make that inquiry.
5 Signs You Need To See A Therapist
1. There are Frequent and Intense Arguments
Whether you are a fiery couple or not, there comes a point where there are too many unresolved feelings and not enough resolutions, leaving you both hitting a crossroads where you are met with many disagreements that just blow right up.
Of course, couples can go through phases of being on edge and irritated by each other; it’s the same in every relationship you have but you’re realizing that it’s gotten to a stage where you need another opinion to help you both establish what you can do from here.
Not everyone has the tools to move forward or maybe they don’t understand the route of the issues at hand.
Therapy has the power of giving each partner the stage so the other can listen while also establishing what might be the route of these feelings.
Hearing a different opinion can help individuals understand the bigger picture and find the resolutions needed to move forward and past the bickering, arguing, and potential screaming matches that might occur.
What I had noticed from a young age is that my parents argued frequently, it would begin with cold shoulders and then huge arguments.
These would never be fully resolved so they could go on for days or even weeks.
Not only that, but things would be brought up from the past and I mean from when they were in their twenties.
It was clear these huge arguments came from unresolved feelings from other big arguments so therapy was essential for them to just hear each other out.
When it gets to that point where you can’t even stand to be in the room with each other, then therapy is needed if there is still love there.
2. When There Is Lack of Effective Communication
When you communicate with your partner, it should feel like you are heard after the end of each conversation, concern, and confrontation.
A lack of communication would feel like the complete opposite and you might find yourselves holding on to frustrations that come out during little disagreements.
I have heard stories and experienced a lack of communication from my partners; they might completely shut off when something they didn’t like happened.
I could always feel this aurora of unspoken words and this would cause me to nag and get angry because I knew there was something wrong.
It doesn’t matter which way you and your partner communicate, as long as you are both on the same page and being honest with each other about your feelings.
That’s the key point.
When things begin to become heated and more frequent with no resolution, you might need a third party who can be the spokesperson for both parties.
For example, when my parents argued, their shouting just merged into one sound.
They were both not concerned about what the other person said; they more or less wanted to get the last word but as I grew, I realized that they were fighting to be heard but weren’t willing to listen.
To this day, I believe that therapy would have completely transformed their relationship, as they still have so much love for each other, which I can still see but they just don’t know how to communicate effectively.
3. Trust Issues
Relationships are built on a foundation of trust so when that trust is broken, it can be hard to see your partner in the same light.
This could also lead to feelings of stress, insecurity, and doubt, which create issues further down the road.
Trust being broken in relationships can be difficult to navigate as one party feels betrayed but the other party can only be punished for their crime to a certain point.
There has to be a point of forgiveness where you both can move on, although this can be very difficult with support.
If you want to move past a bump in the road and don’t know how or where to start, the best thing would be to see if this is something you can move forward with the help of a professional.
4. Lack of Physical Intimacy
Sexual intimacy is a huge part of any romantic relationship and a lot of issues might arise from frustration due to a lack of intimacy.
This might be one of the underlying reasons for the consistent bickering or resentment build-up.
There might be many reasons why physical intimacy stops, such as getting comfortable, or busy, or maybe your partner just doesn’t realize it’s an issue.
Communication can help partners through this on their own but that being said, after communicating, there could be little to no change in behavior.
Therapists use many techniques to help couples regain a physical and intimate connection.
Not everyone has the tools or the confidence to ask for what they want sexually, so a therapist can help ignite the spark for both parties through simple exercises such as deep breathing, eye gazing, active listening, games, and other small changes to be made in their daily lives.
It’s never too late to go to the therapist and it could be the key to breaking down each other’s barriers.
Who knows? You might come out even stronger on the other side.
5. Grief
Any dramatic changes in your or your partner’s life, including death, can switch up the dynamic and there is only so much one person can do in terms of support.
If an individual is left hurting, they may begin to do things to make themselves feel ‘better’, such as take on unhealthy habits like drinking, nicopods, smoking, or worse.
It can also be emotionally and physically draining for the partner.
Going through grief is hard for anyone but if you feel like professional help is necessary, then we would recommend you at least inquire.
It is a lot of pressure to be put on one partner to fix and qualified professionals might be the key they need to be on the road to recovery.
Final Thoughts
Therapy doesn’t need to be to fix a negative issue that has been occurring; it can be taken up at any stage of your life but you both have to be willing to open yourself up if you wish to come out stronger on the other side.
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