Intimacy Balance: The Role of Sexual Attraction in Relationships
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Intimacy Balance: The Role of Sexual Attraction in Relationships

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It doesn’t matter what anyone says, in a relationship, sexual attraction matters. It is in our DNA. And sexual compatibility in a relationship can make or break what might be a happy couple. If you don’t believe it is essential, we will elaborate. 

Call it biology, call it hedonism, but whatever you call it, most people agree that sex is incredible. But there is a difference between the carnal interaction of a one-night stand and a long, affection-driven intimacy of a relationship. So, what is the difference? It’s that word that is often misdefined: intimacy.

Couple Kissing on Beach
Couple Kissing on Beach

Many people equate intimacy to sex, but that isn’t entirely the case. Intimacy is close and personal contact with a person that gives them a rush and makes them feel happy and wanted. And sexual intimacy delves further into that by illustrating to a person that you not only want them, but you desire them, need them, and wish to show them how much you love them. 

And sexual intimacy doesn’t even have to be intercourse, or sometimes, doesn’t have to involve sex at all. Affection is the path a lot of people find to develop their intimacy. A delicate caress, a soft kiss, holding them the way they like, showing passion but tenderness; all of these are sexually intimate, and none involves actual sex but plenty of affection.

How Sexual Compatibility Works

Can anyone have sex with anyone? Yes. Will both parties enjoy it? Maybe. Will they develop a deep emotional bond that will make them feel loved and appreciated after? The likelihood is slim. The truth of the matter is, while you might be attracted to someone, just because you have sex with them, doesn’t mean it will lead to a new chapter in your life.

For couples, sexual compatibility is part of the bonding experience. This isn’t because couples need sex to be happy, but it can often be the case that some couples have sex because they are already happy. There is a correlation between joy and sexual arousal. Happy people are more affectionate, attentive, and their partner feels wanted.

When you feel wanted, you feel good about yourself, which makes you also happy, and you reciprocate affection.

As the affection grows, thoughts blossom of wanting to make the person you are with feel how much you love them, and intimacy is often the favored avenue. Kissing leads to touching and touching to foreplay and foreplay to sex. It is a pretty easy map to follow.

Couple Holding Hands
Couple Holding Hands

 Couples in Love 

Sex without love is still sex. But love with sex is something extraordinary. It is no longer about what you can get, but what you can give.

Compatibility with your partner changes the dynamic of how each of you views your relationship. When there is no sexual compatibility, it is likely that other important aspects of your relationship are also missing.

Chief amongst them is happiness. If you feel no affection from your partner, the light of your relationship begins to fade, and it becomes work to maintain for the sake of keeping you together. This is common when the sexual compatibility in marriage starts to fade. This often leads to cheating or divorce.

So, is sexual compatibility important in a relationship? Very. Can sexual compatibility improve? It can, but this is where the real work comes in. Most compatibility is based on physical traits or nuance. If neither works, it is time to get creative—fall in love with their mind, or their passion, or their love of dogs. Pick something and make that work for you.

Ways to Improve Sexual Compatibility

Sadly, there are limited ways in how to check sexual compatibility unless you are in a relationship and are intimate. Once you know, then you know. But until then, at least you can have some fun finding out. However, all denial aside. If you don’t, it will be pretty obvious and if it is early in your courtship, incredibly tough to fix.

If you have seen all the sexual compatibility signs in your relationship but feel something is a little off, here are some tips to help you:

  • Low Drive

If you have been hot and heavy for years and things have suddenly cooled, it is nothing to be alarmed about. Often, when things slow down in your intimate life, it can be due to lots of things, such as hormone imbalances, low testosterone, certain types of depression, or even age. This is an excellent time to use one of the best forms of intimacy: the loving and open conversation. Talk to your partner.

  • Lost Enthusiasm

Even in the healthiest relationships, something that once was amazing can eventually become a little mundane. And while changing to a new position or doing something kinky that involves the best lube for sensitive skin might do the trick, it can be time to take a step back from regular sex and go in a more affectionate direction. Kiss with purpose, touch while making eye contact, and show you care. Often in long relationships, these things become muscle memory. It should always be intentional.

  • Fear Mechanism

Are you trying to get pregnant? It is a very exciting time. But are both of you onboard? While sometimes the excitement of the moment can catch some partners by surprise after the moment fades, the brain goes wild with scenarios and numbers and charts and plans, and this is a lot for it to handle while still trying to show intimacy.

Sometimes the overwhelmed mind loses sight of what is essential, and that is the connection between you. Yes, you are going to make this baby together, but that doesn’t mean that is the only thing on your mind. This is another excellent time to talk to each other. Communication is the most crucial thing in any relationship.

Women Kissing
Women Kissing

So, what does sexual compatibility mean? It’s the connection between two people on a level more significant than just the need to have sex. It is the meeting of two minds in a symbiosis where both partners always want to give each other the best path to sustained happiness. They want to show them how much they care, instead of just saying it.


The bottom line is, sex is important, but compatibility is paramount. Any sexual compatibility calculator will show how much intimacy, affection, and caring matter, even more than intercourse. Sex is always better if both of you have the other person’s feelings and pleasure as your focus.

Miranda Davis

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