What It's Like To Grow Up With A Narcissistic Parent's Impact

Our childhood experiences play a huge role in how we develop our view of ourselves, others, and the world around us. For a child of a loving parent — who shows up with support, care, and emotional availability — childhood can feel predictable and safe. For a child of a narcissistic parent, it can be a wild, lonely, and emotionally draining ride.

In this post, I want to explain what it’s really like to grow up with a narcissistic parent (think human emotions, not clinical terms). If this is your story, I hope you feel seen. If someone you love has this story, I hope this gives you a glimpse into what they may have experienced growing up.

If you grew up with a narcissistic parent, you might also benefit from reading this signs of a Narcissistic mother you should know.

Understanding Narcissistic Parents

I want to quickly explain what we mean when we talk about a narcissistic parent.

When I refer to narcissistic parents, I’m talking about parents who consistently display:

Excessive need for admiration
Lack of empathy
Self-centeredness
High sensitivity to criticism
Manipulative tendencies, guilt, or control
Treating their child as an extension of themselves

This isn’t about parents who made mistakes. We’re all human. We all mess up.

I’m talking about patterns of parenting that consistently put the parent’s needs before their child’s emotional needs.

Now that we’ve got that clear, let’s talk about the childhood emotions.

What It’s Like To Grow Up With A Narcissistic Parent

1. Life Feels Unpredictable

One of the side effects of parenting with high narcissistic traits is never knowing which version of your parent you’re going to come home to.

I visualize waking up every day and scanning the room (emotionally speaking):

Is today a good day?
Are they happy?
Am I going to let them down?

Children of narcissistic parents learn quickly that everyone’s mood revolves around one person: the parent. If they’re happy, life feels calm. If they’re upset, the whole house feels tense.

You grow up hyper-alert, paying close attention to every behavioral clue that tells you how they’re feeling.

And this doesn’t just stop in childhood.

2. You Never Feel Like You Fully Have Their Love

“Did I do enough today?”
“Did I help them?”
“When will they be proud of me?”

The quest for a narcissistic parent’s approval feels never-ending.

You might hear praise when you do something that shines light on them:

Good grades
Sports achievements
Certificates
Recognition from others

But tell them you’re feeling scared or lost? That warmth disappears.

You grow up learning that you’re only as lovable as your last accomplishment.

And that creates a painful message:

“I need to do something in order to be loved.”

That message can follow you into adulthood and show up in your:

Relationships
Career choices
Self-worth

3. Your Needs Are Ignored or Discounted

Narcissistic parents tend to brush off their child’s emotions:

You cry? You’re overreacting.
You’re angry? You’re disrespectful.
You’re hurt? You’re too sensitive.

Empathy requires emotional maturity — something many narcissistic parents struggle with.

Children of narcissists become experts at bottling things up.

They learn not to:

Share feelings
Be vulnerable
Open up about fears

As adults, these patterns can look like:

Avoiding emotional expression
Feeling guilty for having needs
Reluctance to ask for help

4. You Might Be Labeled the “Golden Child” or the “Scapegoat”

In a narcissistic household, kids are often labeled.

The Golden Child

This child is everything their parent wants them to be.

They’re praised and lifted onto pedestals — but only if they continue meeting the parent’s needs.

Growing up this way comes with intense pressure:

Pressure to be perfect.
Pressure to make them proud.

Otherwise, the approval disappears.

The Scapegoat

This child is often criticized and blamed.

The narcissistic parent may complain about them:

Never doing anything right
Being “the problem”
Not living up to expectations

Everything that doesn’t meet the parent’s standards gets attacked.

Either way, both roles carry emotional damage.

5. Apologies Are Rare

A common pattern with narcissistic parents is the lack of genuine apology.

No matter how badly they mess up, you’re often the one apologizing just to keep the peace.

If you grew up in this type of environment, you know exactly what I mean.

Narcissistic parents make their children question themselves. This is often called gaslighting.

“You’re overreacting.”
“It’s not that bad.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”

Even when they were wrong, you start to believe you’re the problem.

6. Boundaries Feel Like Attacks

For narcissistic parents, boundaries often feel like betrayal.

“After everything I’ve done for you.”
“You’ve changed.”
“You’re so ungrateful.”

So children of narcissists learn that setting boundaries equals conflict.

As adults, we may avoid boundaries altogether — not just with our parents, but with everyone.

7. Criticism Feels Amplified

Narcissistic parents often operate in extremes.

You’re either the best kid in the world
or
a complete failure.

There’s rarely room to be human.

That creates emotional instability.

As adults, this can show up as:

Needing constant validation
Fear of rejection
Perfectionism
People-pleasing

Your nervous system learns that making mistakes is unsafe.

8. Privacy Wasn’t an Option

Growing up with a narcissistic parent means you don’t grow up as an individual — you grow up as an extension of them.

Personal journals may have been read.
Relationships questioned.
Opinions corrected.

As adults, this can lead to struggles with:

Identity
Knowing what you want
Knowing what you believe

9. Your Self-Worth Is Tied to Performance

Until your narcissistic parent is satisfied with your performance, you don’t feel loved.

And even when you perform well, they might:

Take the credit
Make it about themselves
Compare you to others

Some adults shrink themselves to avoid outshining their parent.

Others overachieve endlessly.

Either way, self-worth becomes tied to performance.

10. You Were Forced to Grow Up Too Soon

In healthy families, parents help children regulate their emotions.

In narcissistic families, the roles are often reversed.

You learned how to comfort the parent.

Adult children of narcissists often:

Attract emotionally immature partners
Feel responsible for everyone
Burn out from over-giving

Your nervous system learns that love equals caretaking.

11. Intimate Relationships Feel Fragile

Childhood turmoil affects how we view love.

We may:

Stay in unhealthy relationships too long
Confuse intensity with love
Fear independence
Struggle to trust stability

If chaos was normal, calm can feel unfamiliar.

But once you acknowledge these patterns, you’re no longer unconsciously trapped by them.

12. The Not-So-Glamorous Parts

You Don’t Know How to Be Soothed

You learned how to parent your parent — but not how to let someone show up for you.

Childhood should be about exploring and making mistakes.

Not constantly watching your back.

Grieving the Parent You Wanted

There’s a unique kind of grief here.

You mourn:

The validation you never received
The nurturing you longed for
The safety you didn’t have

Your parent may still be alive — but you grieve the version you never had.

13. You’ll Never Feel “Enough”

For many children of narcissists, there never feels like an endpoint.

The lies you told yourself as a child can become the beliefs you carry as an adult:

“I’m never going to be good enough.”
“I should be further along.”
“I’ll always be criticized.”

Awareness is the first step toward breaking that cycle.

Related: How Narcissists Trap You

14. You Are Not Broken

You are not broken.

The ways you adapted to your childhood were survival strategies.

And survival strategies are strength — not weakness.

You are enough.

Just as you are.

Save the pin for later

Author
Recent Posts

Follow me

ONWE DAMIAN

Onwe Damian Chukwuemeka is a relationship and self-improvement coach, as well as a final-year law student at the University of Calabar, Nigeria. He has distinguished himself in leadership and service, and has held key positions such as Deputy Director of Public Prosecution in the Students’ Union Government and Justice of the Malabor High Court, University of Calabar, Nigeria. Learn more about him

Follow me