14 Reasons Why Your Marriage Is So Hard
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14 Reasons Why Your Marriage Is So Hard

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Marriage is often portrayed as a fairy tale, with the promise of eternal love, happiness, and fulfillment.


However, the reality of married life can be quite different from the idealized version we see in movies and storybooks.


Many couples find that their marriage is much more challenging than they had anticipated, leading to disappointment, frustration, and even a sense of failure.

Here are the reasons why your marriage is so hard.

Why is my marriage so hard?

1. Unrealistic Expectations in Marriage

One of the primary reasons why marriages can be more challenging than expected is the presence of unrealistic expectations.


Many people enter into marriage with a romanticized view of what it should be like, based on societal norms, media portrayals, or personal experiences.


When the reality of married life doesn’t match these expectations, it can lead to disappointment, resentment, and a sense of disillusionment.

It’s important to recognize that every marriage is unique and will have its own set of challenges.


Expecting your relationship to be perfect or to never experience any conflicts can set you up for disappointment.


Instead, strive to have realistic expectations and be prepared to work through the inevitable ups and downs of married life.

Related: Relationship problems and what to do

2. Lack of Communication

Effective communication is the foundation of a strong and healthy marriage. However, many couples struggle with communicating openly, honestly, and effectively with each other.

This can lead to misunderstandings, unresolved conflicts, and a growing sense of disconnect.

To overcome this challenge, focus on developing active listening skills, being willing to express your thoughts and feelings, and creating a safe space for open and honest dialogue.

Regular check-ins, couples counseling, or communication workshops can also help improve the quality of your communication.

3. Financial Stress

Money is often a significant source of stress and conflict in marriages.

Differences in financial values, spending habits, and attitudes toward money can create tension and strain the relationship.

Unexpected financial challenges, such as job loss, medical bills, or debt, can also add to the burden.

To navigate financial stress, it’s important to have open and honest conversations about money, create a budget and financial plan, and work together to achieve your financial goals.

Seeking the advice of a financial advisor or counselor can also be beneficial.

Related: What to do when your relationship is struggling

4. Differences in Values and Goals

Marriages can also be challenged by differences in values, beliefs, and long-term goals. What one partner considers important may not align with the other’s priorities, leading to conflicts and a lack of shared vision for the future.

To address this challenge, it’s essential to have open discussions about your respective values, beliefs, and goals, and to find ways to compromise and find common ground. Seek to understand and respect each other’s perspectives, and work together to create a shared vision for your marriage.

5. Conflict Resolution Issues

Conflict is a natural part of any relationship, but how couples handle and resolve conflicts can significantly impact the overall health of the marriage. Some couples may struggle with effective conflict resolution, leading to unresolved issues, resentment, and a breakdown in communication.

Developing conflict resolution skills, such as active listening, compromise, and seeking to understand each other’s perspectives, can help couples navigate conflicts in a healthy and constructive manner. Seeking the guidance of a therapist or counselor can also be beneficial.

Why is my marriage so hard (2)

6. Lack of Intimacy and Connection

Intimacy, both emotional and physical, is a crucial component of a healthy marriage.

However, many couples find that maintaining a deep and fulfilling sense of intimacy can be challenging, particularly as life’s demands and stresses take priority.

To address a lack of intimacy, focus on creating opportunities for quality time together, engaging in open and vulnerable communication, and exploring new ways to connect physically and emotionally. Seeking the guidance of a sex therapist or counselor can also be helpful.

7. Parenting Disagreements

Raising children can be one of the most rewarding yet challenging aspects of marriage.

Differences in parenting styles, disciplinary approaches, and expectations can create conflicts and strain the relationship.

To navigate parenting disagreements, it’s important to have open discussions about your respective parenting philosophies, find ways to compromise and present a united front to your children.

Seeking the guidance of a family therapist or parenting coach can also be beneficial.

8. External Influences and Societal Pressures

Marriages can also be impacted by external factors, such as societal expectations, family dynamics, and cultural norms. These influences can create additional stress and pressure, making it more difficult to navigate the challenges of married life.

To address these external influences, it’s important to establish healthy boundaries, communicate openly with your partner about your concerns, and seek support from trusted friends, family, or a therapist.

9. Emotional Baggage and Past Traumas

Unresolved emotional baggage and past traumas can also contribute to the challenges of marriage. These issues can manifest in trust issues, communication problems, and a lack of emotional intimacy.

To address this challenge, it’s important to engage in individual therapy or counseling to work through your past experiences. This can help you develop a greater understanding of yourself and your emotional needs, which can then be brought into the marriage.

10. Lack of Support from Family and Friends

Marriage can be a significant life transition, and having a strong support system of family and friends can be crucial in navigating the challenges that arise.

However, some couples may find that they lack the necessary support, either due to geographical distance, strained relationships, or a lack of a strong social network.

To overcome this challenge, consider building a support system of trusted friends, family members, or community groups. Seek out opportunities to connect with other couples, attend marriage retreats or workshops, or join online support groups.

11. Infidelity and Trust Issues

Infidelity, whether emotional or physical, can be a devastating blow to a marriage. The breach of trust can lead to feelings of betrayal, resentment, and a deep sense of insecurity.

If your marriage has been impacted by infidelity, it’s important to seek professional help, such as couples counseling, to rebuild trust and work towards forgiveness and healing.

This process can be challenging, but with commitment and hard work, it is possible to overcome the impact of infidelity.

12. Mental Health Challenges

Mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, or trauma, can significantly impact a marriage. These challenges can create emotional distance, communication problems, and a lack of emotional availability, making it more difficult to navigate the demands of married life.

If you or your partner are struggling with mental health challenges, it’s important to seek professional help, such as individual therapy or counseling. Couples therapy can also be beneficial in helping you and your partner navigate these issues together.

13. Unresolved Conflicts from the Past

Unresolved conflicts or resentments from the past can continue to haunt a marriage, creating ongoing tension and making it difficult to move forward. These unresolved issues can stem from past relationships, family dynamics, or even unaddressed conflicts within the current marriage.

To address this challenge, it’s important to engage in open and honest communication with your partner and to be willing to address and work through any unresolved conflicts or resentments.

Seeking the guidance of a therapist or counselor can also be helpful in this process.

14. Lack of Personal Growth and Self-Awareness

Marriage requires a certain level of personal growth and self-awareness, as the challenges of married life can highlight our own areas of weakness or unresolved personal issues.

A lack of personal growth and self-awareness can make it more difficult to navigate the demands of marriage.

To address this challenge, focus on your own personal development, seeking out opportunities for growth and self-reflection. This may involve individual therapy, personal development workshops, or engaging in activities that promote self-awareness and emotional intelligence.

What to do

If you and your partner are struggling with the challenges of marriage, seeking professional help can be a valuable step in addressing these issues.

Marriage counseling or couples therapy can provide a safe and supportive environment for you to work through your challenges, develop effective communication and conflict resolution skills, and rebuild the foundation of your relationship.


Building your Marriage is a continuous process.

Never stop working on your relationship and grow together with your partner.

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