Embarking on a new relationship can be one of the most exciting, hopeful, and joyous experiences in your life. You may find yourself grinning at your phone more than usual, planning your next date before the first one ends, and dreaming about every “what if.” But as fun, fresh, and flirty as a new love interest can be, it’s also the perfect time to keep your eyes open. The honeymoon phase is as much a time for observation and emotional awareness as it is for butterflies.
When you first meet someone new, you’re not just learning who they are—you’re also noticing how they treat you and the people around them. Red flags are easy to miss in the thrill of a new connection because they can appear small. Often, we choose to ignore them out of blind optimism or the fear that acknowledging a potential issue might cause the relationship to fall apart.
The problem is that red flags, no matter how small, rarely fade away with time. They tend to grow larger and more consuming. By paying attention early on and trusting your instincts, you can save yourself from a great deal of pain later. Not every relationship has to “hit rock bottom” before you decide to walk away.
Below are 17 major red flags to watch out for when dating someone new.
Red Flags to Watch for When Dating Someone New
1. They Move To’o Fast
You should be able to take your time with someone if you’re genuinely interested, not feel rushed. If a person declares their love within days or wants to make big commitments (like moving in together or quitting their job) right away, it may feel flattering, but it’s also a sign of emotional instability—or manipulation.
Healthy relationships develop gradually. Love is more than chemistry; it’s built on trust, patience, and emotional safety. People who rush emotional or physical intimacy often do so to gain control. Beware of anyone who tries to move faster than you’re comfortable with.
Related: How to Get Out of a Narcissistic Relationship
2. They Avoid Talking About Their Past
Everyone has a past. While you don’t need to share every trauma or past relationship immediately, a total refusal to discuss past partners, family, or life experiences can be a red flag.
Someone who refuses to talk about these topics might be hiding important details (such as toxic patterns, lies, or unresolved issues). Similarly, a person who blames all their exes or constantly paints themselves as the victim is showing you they lack accountability.
Related: How To Leave A Toxic Relationship
3. They Disrespect Your Boundaries
Boundaries define what is acceptable and what isn’t. If someone ignores, mocks, or pushes past your emotional, physical, or personal limits, that’s a serious warning sign.
When you tell them you’re not ready to discuss something or that you need space, they should respect that. Love does not override self-respect. If they can’t honor your boundaries, they can’t love you in a healthy or safe way.
Related: 9 Ways Your Body Tells You You’re in the Wrong Relationship
4. They’re Overly Jealous or Controlling
A small amount of jealousy can seem normal at first, but when it becomes constant suspicion—checking your phone, questioning your whereabouts, or getting defensive when you speak to others—it turns toxic.
Control often begins subtly: “Where were you?” “Who were you with?” “Why didn’t you answer?” These small demands can grow into isolation and manipulation. A secure, emotionally mature person encourages your independence; they don’t stifle it.
Related: The Most Painful Relationships Of Your Life Will Be With These 7 Types Of Men
5. They Talk Down to You
Respect is the foundation of every healthy relationship. If your new partner criticizes, mocks, or belittles you (even as a joke), it’s a red flag.
Pay attention to how they talk—to you and to others. Do they interrupt you, make sarcastic remarks at your expense, or dismiss your opinions? Words can harm self-esteem as deeply as actions. Someone who truly loves you will lift you up, not tear you down.
Related: 7 Relationship Red Flags You Should never Ignore
6. They Have a Pattern of Unstable Relationships
Listen to how they speak about their exes. If every past partner was “crazy” or “toxic,” you may be dealing with someone who avoids responsibility.
Relationships don’t end because of one person alone. If your new partner refuses to acknowledge their role in past breakups, they’ll likely repeat the same mistakes with you.
7. They’re Inconsistent in Their Words and Actions
When someone’s words and actions don’t match, pay attention. If they promise the world but disappear when it’s time to follow through, or claim they want something serious but avoid meaningful connection, it’s a sign of unreliability.
Trust requires consistency. If they say one thing and do another, you’ll end up confused and emotionally unstable. Take their actions at face value—they reveal more truth than words ever will.
8. They Have Anger Issues
The way someone handles anger says a lot about their emotional maturity.
If they have a short temper, lash out at service workers, or yell during disagreements, it’s a serious red flag. Uncontrolled anger signals poor self-regulation and, over time, can become dangerous. Emotional volatility often escalates into emotional or physical abuse. Don’t ignore this sign.
9. They Lack Empathy
Empathy—the ability to understand and care about others’ feelings—is vital for a healthy relationship.
If they make you feel like your emotions are a burden, mock your vulnerability, or never apologize when they hurt you, they’re showing a lack of empathy. A relationship without empathy becomes cold and one-sided, leaving you drained and unseen.
10. They’re Secretive About Their Life
Privacy is healthy; secrecy is not. If, after a reasonable amount of time, they still refuse to introduce you to friends or family, hide their phone, or vanish without explanation, that’s a sign of dishonesty or emotional unavailability.
Transparency builds trust. Someone serious about you will want you in their world, not kept on the outside looking in.
11. They Have an Unhealthy Relationship with Substances
Substance abuse can destroy even the strongest relationship.
Notice how they use alcohol or drugs to cope. Do they become aggressive or distant when drinking? Do they use substances to avoid emotional issues? Addiction brings chaos and instability. Compassion is important, but it’s not your job to fix or “save” them. Only professional help can.
12. They Make You Feel Guilty for Having Needs
If your partner makes you feel bad for wanting affection, reassurance, or communication, that’s emotional manipulation.
They might say things like, “You’re too needy” or “You’re too sensitive” to avoid accountability. In a healthy relationship, you should feel safe expressing your needs. Feeling anxious or guilty for speaking up is a sign of emotional imbalance.
13. They Try to Isolate You
Isolation is one of the clearest early signs of control.
If they discourage you from seeing friends or family, claim “they don’t like you,” or guilt you for spending time with others, it’s a strategy to gain power. A loving partner celebrates your connections—they don’t compete with them.
14. They Don’t Take Responsibility for Their Actions
Pay attention to how they handle mistakes. Do they apologize sincerely, or do they deflect and blame others?
A partner who refuses to take responsibility creates a toxic cycle of hurt and defensiveness. Accountability is a hallmark of emotional maturity. Without it, the relationship cannot grow.
15. You Constantly Feel Drained or Anxious
Sometimes, your intuition notices trouble before your mind does.
If you often feel anxious, uneasy, or exhausted after spending time with them, take it seriously. Healthy relationships should bring peace and comfort, not confusion or dread. Your body often recognizes danger before your thoughts catch up—listen to it.
16. They Don’t Respect Your Time
Time is one of the clearest ways we show respect.
If they cancel plans frequently, show up late, or make you wait endlessly for a response, they’re showing disregard for you. Consistency and reliability are signs of genuine interest. If you’re constantly making excuses for their behavior, reevaluate whether the effort is one-sided.
17. They Try to Change You
Love should make you feel accepted, not inadequate.
If they constantly criticize your appearance, habits, or personality, or try to mold you into their ideal partner, that’s control disguised as care. Growth within a relationship should be mutual, not forced.
You deserve someone who loves you as you are—not as they wish you to be.
Final Thoughts:
No relationship is perfect or without challenges, but love should never be confusing or painful from the start.
The right person will not make you question your worth or compromise your boundaries. They will make you feel safe, valued, and at peace.
Red flags are not invitations to stay and fix someone; they are warnings to protect yourself. If you notice several of these signs, take a step back and look honestly at the situation.
True love begins with respect and kindness—qualities that should never be negotiable. At the end of the day, love isn’t about how someone makes you feel in fleeting moments. It’s about how consistently they make you feel seen, respected, and secure.
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