How to Know If You’re Being Love Bombed

They text you constantly. They go over the top with compliments. They tell you how special you are and how they’ve never met anyone like you. They want to spend every waking minute with you, talk on the phone for hours, and make plans for the future — all within a matter of weeks of getting to know each other.

It can feel intense, flattering, even heady. But sometimes, what feels like passion at the beginning of a relationship is something more sinister: love bombing.

Love bombing isn’t just excessive affection — it’s using affection to control. It’s one of the earliest warning signs of a toxic or narcissistic relationship. Spotting it early can save you a whole lot of pain down the line.

What Is Love Bombing?

Love bombing is a behavior in which someone overwhelms you with attention, affection, gifts, or compliments. It’s a way of quickly earning your trust and emotional dependence.

Love bombing isn’t always obvious at first. It often masquerades as a romantic overture or enthusiasm. But the difference lies in the intent behind it. Love bombing isn’t based in love — it’s based in control and validation.

A person who love-bombs wants to reel you in fast. They want you to become emotionally attached to them as quickly as possible, before you’ve had the chance to see who they really are.

Once they’ve gotten that intense early love, they might flip — pulling away, criticizing, and manipulating, leaving you confused, unsure, and clawing to get that initial affection back.

The Cycle of Love Bombing

Love bombing often follows a predictable pattern, especially in relationships with narcissists or otherwise emotionally immature people. The stages of the love bombing cycle typically go as follows:

Idealization: The partner who is love bombing you places you on a pedestal and makes you feel like you are “the one.”
Devaluation: Once they have your trust and closeness, they begin to withdraw, criticize, or control.
Discard (or Hoovering): Sometimes, they pull away completely, only to reappear with another wave of affection if they sense you drifting away — starting the cycle all over again.

This cycle of highs and lows keeps you emotionally trapped. You begin to crave the intense love you were showered with in the beginning, even though it’s long gone.

Signs You Might Be Love-Bombed

If you’re wondering whether someone’s feelings for you are genuine or manipulative, here are some signs to look for:

1. They Rush the Relationship

They talk about getting engaged, moving in together, or meeting the family after only a few dates. They call you their soulmate or say “I love you” after just a couple of weeks.

Healthy love grows over time, with both people getting to know each other. Someone who rushes that process doesn’t give you a chance to see them — or yourselves as a couple — clearly.

Questions to ask yourself:

Is this going at a pace that feels comfortable for me?
Or does it feel like I’m being swept away before I even have time to think

2. Too Many Compliments That Sound Forced

It’s great to be appreciated. But when someone constantly tells you that you’re perfect, amazing, or “the best thing that ever happened” to them, that can be suspicious.

Love bombers tend to shower their targets with flattery — not as a sign of genuine connection, but as bait to catch them. The goal is to make you feel special so that you’ll bond emotionally.

Look for:

Do their compliments sound exaggerated or repetitive?
Do they get upset if you don’t reply with equal praise?

3. All Their Time and Attention

They text you constantly. They want to spend every minute of every day together. They make you feel guilty for hanging out with friends or family.

At first, this can feel romantic — like they just can’t get enough of you. But gradually, it becomes smothering. Love bombers often try to isolate their targets so they depend on them for all their emotional needs.

Questions to ask yourself:

Have I stopped doing things I used to enjoy because they want all my time?
Do I feel anxious if I don’t reply immediately because I know they’ll react badly?

4. Grand Gestures and Gifts Early On

Bringing flowers on a date is one thing. Showering someone with lavish gifts in the first week or two is another.

Love bombers sometimes use gifts to make their targets feel obligated — guilty or indebted for not giving them the same level of affection.

Examples to look for:

Do they say things like, “After everything I’ve done for you, you can’t even spend the weekend with me?”

Gift-giving isn’t generosity when the motivation is to make the other person owe them.

5. They Mirror You

At the beginning, it might feel like you’ve met your twin flame. They share all your likes and dislikes. They finish your sentences.

The problem is, sometimes it’s not that they genuinely like the same things — it’s that they’re mimicking you. They study you and mirror you to create an “unnatural” sense of closeness.

Look out if:

You never see them be themselves or share things about their own life that are different or vulnerable

6. They Get Upset When You Set Boundaries

A healthy partner will respect your boundaries — even if they’re not thrilled about them. But love bombers take boundaries as rejection.

If you say you need some space, they may guilt you or accuse you of not caring:

“But I love you so much, I can’t help myself.”
“I thought what we had was special.”

This emotional manipulation is a red flag that their affection isn’t sincere — it’s conditional.

7. It Feels Like Chaos

Your heart is soaring. They make you feel amazing. But at the same time, you can’t shake the voice in your head that says something is off. You start to feel anxious when they text you. You feel guilty when you ask for space.

Love bombing causes this kind of emotional whiplash — where you’re given so much affection that you can’t help but get emotionally tangled, even when you know deep down something isn’t right.

Remember:

True love brings calm, not chaos.

Why Do People Love Bomb?

Not everyone who love-bombs is a monster. But in many cases, people who engage in love bombing have certain insecurities or narcissistic tendencies.

Here are some of the main reasons people love-bomb others:

Narcissistic need for control: They want to dominate the relationship and feed off your admiration.
Fear of abandonment: They rush intimacy to “lock you in” before you have a chance to leave.
Low self-esteem: They seek validation and importance through your attention and affection.
Emotional immaturity: They don’t know how to create real intimacy, so they confuse intensity with love.

Regardless of the reason, the result is the same: an imbalanced, one-sided, emotionally draining relationship that leaves the victim feeling both hurt and confused.

How to Protect Yourself

If you think someone is love-bombing you, don’t panic — but do pump the brakes and stay grounded. Here’s how:

1. Slow It Down

True love takes time to develop. Give yourself space to get to know the person — their values, habits, and how they treat others.

If they really care about you, they’ll respect your pace.

2. Stay Connected to Your People

Stay close to your friends and family, even if the new person in your life is demanding all your time. Loved ones can often spot red flags you might miss when emotionally invested.

If more than one person expresses concern, don’t dismiss it — listen.

3. Set and Stick to Your Boundaries

Don’t be afraid to say no to things you don’t want to do. You can say:

“I really like you, but I need to take this slowly.”
“I like spending time with you, but I still need to see my friends.”

If they react negatively or try to guilt you, that’s your cue — this isn’t a healthy situation.

4. Look for Consistency

Love bombers love grand gestures and sweet talk, but they’re often inconsistent.

Pay attention to how they treat you over time, not just during the honeymoon phase. Real love shows in small, everyday ways — not just in big, flashy ones.

5. Trust Your Gut

If something feels off, trust your intuition. Even if you can’t explain why, that uneasy feeling is there to protect you.

You owe no one instant trust or emotional intimacy. True love allows you to feel safe — not pressured or indebted.

What Does Real Love Look Like?

To better understand love bombing, it helps to see how healthy love compares.

Love Bombing	Healthy Love
Fast and intense	Steady and patient
Overwhelming affection from the start	Slow, gradual build of trust and care
Guilt when you set boundaries	Respect for your boundaries
Big promises with little time together	Realistic expectations from both sides
Extreme emotional highs and lows	Emotional stability and peace
Obsession with control or validation	Focus on connection and respect

Healthy love doesn’t try to prove itself through constant attention or grand gestures. It gives you room to be yourself — to do your own thing, to breathe, and to feel safe, not anxious.

Final Thoughts

Love bombing almost always begins like a fairytale — passionate, exciting, and almost too good to be true.

And that’s the problem: it usually is.

If you find yourself in a whirlwind romance that feels rushed, intense, or confusing, it’s time to take a step back and check in with yourself.

Ask yourself:

Do I feel respected and safe in this relationship, or pressured and dependent?
Are they showing consistent care and affection, or just an intense tidal wave of it?
Do my friends — or my gut — say something feels off?

Real love doesn’t make you question your worth or your boundaries. It grows slowly, built on honesty, mutual respect, and space to breathe.

If someone truly loves you, they won’t need to bomb you with affection. They’ll take the time to build something real with you — day by day.

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ONWE DAMIAN

Onwe Damian Chukwuemeka is a relationship and self-improvement coach, as well as a final-year law student at the University of Calabar, Nigeria. He has distinguished himself in leadership and service, and has held key positions such as Deputy Director of Public Prosecution in the Students’ Union Government and Justice of the Malabor High Court, University of Calabar, Nigeria. Learn more about him

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