How Narcissists Try To Win You Back
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How Narcissists Try To Win You Back

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Knowing how narcissists try to win you back will save you from the tricks and manipulations of a narcissistic partner. When narcissists are trying to win you back, there are certain things they will do.

Narcissists are individuals who possess an excessive sense of self-importance and a deep need for admiration. When a relationship with a narcissist ends, it can be a challenging and emotionally draining experience. Surprisingly, narcissists often attempt to win their former partners back. Understanding the reasons behind their actions can provide valuable insights into their manipulative tactics.

Why a narcissist may want you back

One of the primary reasons narcissists try to win you back is their fear of abandonment. Narcissists have an intense fear of being alone and losing their sources of validation. They struggle with low self-esteem and rely heavily on external validation to maintain their inflated self-image. By trying to win you back, they hope to regain the sense of control and admiration they once had.

Signs that a narcissist is trying to win you back

  1. Love bombing: Narcissists may shower you with excessive affection, compliments, and gifts, attempting to overwhelm you with their charm and win you over emotionally.
  2. Apologies and remorse: They may suddenly become remorseful and apologize for their past actions, promising to change and be a better partner.
  3. Manipulative tactics: Narcissists are masters of manipulation. They may use guilt, pity, or even threats to lure you back into a relationship.
  4. Triangulation: They might involve a third party, such as a new romantic interest, to make you jealous and provoke a reaction.
  5. Stalking behavior: Narcissists may engage in stalking or monitoring your online activities to keep tabs on your life and maintain a sense of control.

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How Narcissists Try To Win You Back

How Narcissists try to win you back

1. Through Love Bombing

One of the tactics narcissists often employ to win you back is called “love bombing.” This involves showering you with excessive attention, affection, and gifts, all in an effort to overwhelm your emotions and make you question your decision to end the relationship. They may send you flowers, write you love letters, or constantly bombard you with messages declaring their undying love.

Related: How Narcissists manipulate their victims

2. Playing the Victim

Narcissists are skilled in playing the victim card. They will portray themselves as the ones who have been wronged, blaming you for the breakup and painting themselves as innocent and helpless. By appealing to your sympathy and guilt, they hope to make you feel responsible for their emotional well-being and manipulate you into giving them another chance.

Related: How narcissists argue

3. Gaslighting

Another tactic narcissists use to win you back is gaslighting, a form of psychological manipulation where they distort your perception of reality. They may deny past incidents of abuse or make you question your memory and judgment. By making you doubt yourself, they hope to regain control over your emotions and manipulate you into believing that the problems in the relationship were all your fault.

Related; How narcissists react when you leave them

4. Triangulation

Triangulation is a manipulative tactic where narcissists involve a third party in their attempts to win you back. They might use a mutual friend or a new romantic interest to make you jealous and doubt your decision to end the relationship. By creating a sense of competition, they hope to ignite your desire to win them back and prove that you are the better choice.

Related: What happens when Narcissists lose control 

5. Hoovering

Hoovering is a term used to describe the act of sucking you back into a relationship with a narcissist. They may suddenly reappear in your life, professing their undying love and remorse for their past actions. They might promise to change or seek therapy, convincing you that things will be different this time. However, once they have won you back, they will likely return to their old patterns of manipulation and abuse.

Related: How to deal with a Narcissist

6. Guilt-tripping

Narcissists are masters at guilt-tripping. They will use your sense of responsibility and empathy against you, making you feel guilty for leaving the relationship and abandoning them. They may play on your fears of being alone or convince you that nobody else will ever love you as they do. By preying on your insecurities, they hope to make you doubt your decision to end the relationship and give them another chance.

Related: How Narcissists treat their children 

7. Mirroring

Mirroring is a tactic commonly used by narcissists to win you back. They will mimic your personality, interests, and values, making you believe that you are soulmates destined to be together. By reflecting to you, the qualities you find attractive in a partner, they aim to create a deep emotional connection and reignite the feelings you once had for them.

Related: Signs of a narcissistic mother 

8. Future Faking

Narcissists are skilled at painting a picture-perfect future to entice you back into a relationship. They may make grand promises of a better life together, talking about marriage, children, and a happily ever after. However, once they have won you back, they often fail to follow through on their promises, leaving you disappointed and trapped in a cycle of broken dreams.

Related: Signs of a narcissistic friend 

9. Silent Treatment

The narcissist’s use of silent treatment is a manipulative tactic aimed at punishing you for leaving and regaining control over the relationship. They will ignore your calls, messages, and pleas for communication, leaving you feeling anxious, confused, and desperate for their attention. By withholding their presence, they hope to make you crave their validation and seek reconciliation.

10. Smear Campaign

If all else fails, narcissists may resort to a smear campaign to win you back or seek revenge. They will spread false rumors about you, tarnish your reputation, and try to turn your friends and family against you. By creating a hostile environment, they hope to isolate you and make you feel like you have no choice but to return to them for protection and support.


Dealing with a narcissist who is trying to win you back can be challenging and emotionally draining. Understanding their motivations and recognizing the signs of manipulation can help you protect yourself and make informed decisions.

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How Narcissists Try To Win You Back

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