Ever had one of those conversations where you leave feeling perplexed and exhausted?
Maybe you just feel dirty… like you somehow did something wrong, but you can’t pinpoint what?
If this resonates, you probably spent time with a narcissist.
No two people are exactly alike, but there are patterns we can rely on narcissists to repeat.
In fact, I’m going to show you 14 things you can always count on narcissists to do.
These are simple, practical strategies you can use if you’ve dealt with a narcissist — or want to prepare just in case.
Let’s dig in…
Related How Is Life with a Narcissist?
An Important Distinction About Narcissism (Spoiled With Cliff Notes)
Narcissism exists on a spectrum.
Some people have mild narcissistic traits. Others have extreme narcissistic tendencies that damage their relationships.
You might also hear about something called Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
This is a mental health diagnosis. Just because someone isn’t diagnosed with NPD doesn’t mean they don’t have narcissistic tendencies.
When most people refer to narcissists, they mean people who possess the following:
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An exaggerated sense of self-importance
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A need for excessive attention and admiration
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A lack of empathy for others
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Troubled self-esteem despite what they project on the outside
Related: 10 Ways Narcissists Reveal Themselves Early
14 Things You Can Rely On Narcissists To Do
Before we get into it, I want to make one thing clear.
For the sake of simplicity, I’ll keep my examples blunt. However, these are patterns that exist on a spectrum — and can show up with other loved ones, too.
We’re all human. No one is perfect.
1. Everything Will Be About Them
Conversation Hijacking 101
It doesn’t matter what you talk about. They will find a way to make it about them.
You tell them about your long, stressful day at work. Boom. Within five minutes, they’ve somehow taken what should have been your venting session and turned it into a story about how your day was nothing compared to theirs.
Don’t be afraid to share with them. But if they consistently turn healthy venting sessions into conversations about themselves, consider withholding personal details.
Example
Friend: “Guess what! I got that promotion I told you about!”
You: “Really?! That’s amazing! Congratulations!”
Friend: “Thanks! That reminds me of when I got promoted twice in one year…”
What You Can Do
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Recognize the pattern.
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Don’t take it personally.
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Set a boundary around emotional sharing if they absorb it like a sponge.
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Politely interrupt: “Hold that thought — let me finish what I was saying.”
Related: What It’s Like To Grow Up With A Narcissistic Parent
2. They Will Require Constant Validation
Ask a narcissist how beautiful they look, what a great job they’re doing, or how amazing they are at work — and you’ll get an answer that stretches on for days.
Narcissists need people to shower them with compliments.
They. Don’t. Stop.
The less validation they receive, the more insecure they feel.
The more insecure they feel, the more they’ll try to bait you into saying something nice — or they’ll silently sulk, only to transform when someone else praises them.
Examples
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Posting constantly on social media, waiting for compliments.
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Constantly comparing themselves to others.
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Pouting when you don’t praise them.
What You Can Do
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Don’t fall into the trap of over-complimenting them.
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Respond with neutral statements when you don’t genuinely feel like giving praise.
Related: Practical Steps To Stop Seeking Validation From Others
3. They Will Gaslight You
Gaslighting is when someone tries to make you question your memory of events.
This is tacky — and one of the most hurtful things you can rely on narcissists to do.
It usually sounds like:
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“That never happened.”
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“You’re too sensitive.”
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“You’re imagining things.”
If they do this often, you’ll start questioning yourself — which is exactly what they want.
Remedy
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Write things down.
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Trust your gut.
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Confide in trusted loved ones.
Related: 17 Signs Of Gaslighting In A Relationship And How To Respond To It
4. They Will Play the Victim
Whether they wronged someone or told a small lie, narcissists are phenomenal at playing the victim.
You’re angry at them? Guess which version of events they’ll tell — the one where they were wronged or “attacked.”
Why?
Because being wrong damages their ego.
Playing the victim allows them to save face.
Remedy
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Don’t argue about events that didn’t happen.
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Stick to the facts.
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Don’t beg for their approval.
Related; How To Make A Narcissist Leave The Relationship On Their Own
5. They Will Test Your Boundaries
If you set a boundary with a narcissist, they will likely test it.
They may apologize and promise it won’t happen again… then test it anyway.
Example
You: “I don’t want to talk about that anymore.”
Narcissist: Brings the topic up later.
Remedy
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Repeat your boundary calmly.
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Don’t over-explain.
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Put consequences in place if needed — and follow through.
6. They Will Love Bomb You… At First
Love bombing happens when someone seems too good to be true.
They overwhelm you with affection, compliments, gifts, and attention.
You melt.
Then — wham — the unhealthy traits appear.
Often followed by manipulation and control.
Psychology: They create an addiction to their attention and validation by love bombing early in the relationship.
Remedy
Slow down. Healthy relationships take time to build.
7. They Will Devalue You
At some point, the compliments stop.
Suddenly you’re “not good enough,” or they know someone who could “make you better.”
This is the opposite of love bombing.
It looks like:
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Constant criticism
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Putting you down
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Highlighting flaws no one else sees
Remedy
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Don’t internalize the beliefs they try to plant about you.
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Remember how quickly they flipped their perspective. That inconsistency says more about them than you.
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Seek validation from stable, supportive people.
8. They Will Struggle With Empathy
Empathy means understanding and sharing another person’s feelings.
Narcissists want you to think they care. But their empathy is inconsistent.
They may show empathy when it benefits them.
But they often lack empathy when it requires sacrifice.
Example
You’re sick in bed.
Do they check on you?
Or do they complain about how your illness inconveniences them?
Remedy
Lower your expectations regarding their empathy. Seek emotional support elsewhere.
9. Competition Will Arise
Competing with your partner over who works harder sounds exhausting — but competition can creep into relationships with narcissists.
Their success may feel like your failure.
Example
They land a new job. Instead of celebrating you when something good happens, they downplay your success.
Remedy
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Keep your dreams and goals private if necessary.
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If they can’t celebrate you without competing, protect your wins.
10. They’ll Use the Silent Treatment
When someone withholds communication to punish you, that’s the silent treatment.
It’s manipulative.
It’s not healthy space or boundary-setting.
Psychology: Humans are wired for connection. When someone suddenly withdraws, we panic. They know this.
Remedy
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Don’t chase them.
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Continue living your life.
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Don’t beg for communication.
If they give you silence, meet it with calm detachment.
11. They Rewrite History
We touched on this with gaslighting, but it goes deeper.
Promises? Denied.
Events? Suddenly forgotten.
Remedy
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Bring a friend to important events when possible.
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Take notes after significant conversations.
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Say: “We talked about this and agreed…” to reinforce facts.
12. They Project Their Issues Onto You
Projection is a defense mechanism where someone shifts blame onto others.
They cheat — now you’re the cheater.
They lie — now you’re the liar.
Why?
It’s easier to question your character than accept responsibility.
Remedy
Call less. Observe more.
13. They Will Try to Control You
If allowed, narcissists will try to control every area of your life — sometimes subtly.
Examples include:
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Monitoring your social media
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Over-involving themselves with your friends and family
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Making financial decisions without you
Remedy
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Stay connected to your support system.
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Know your financial situation.
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Establish boundaries early.
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Walk away if they repeatedly ignore them.
Manipulation isn’t always evil. For example, a toddler yelling isn’t manipulation — it’s emotional development.
But consistent adult control is different.
14. They Will Discard You When They Want To
Need closure?
You likely won’t get it.
If they like the attention you provide, they’ll stay. When that attention fades — or you set a major boundary — they may leave abruptly.
This is called the discard phase.
Reminder: Their decision to discard you says nothing about your worth.
It says everything about the amount of attention and admiration they were receiving.
If you begin doubting your self-worth after a breakup, prioritize self-care and rebuilding your confidence.
Frequently Asked Questions
Are narcissists always abusive?
No. But many display patterns of emotional — and sometimes physical — abuse.
Can a narcissist change?
They can if they seek professional therapy and develop self-awareness. However, many don’t pursue help because they don’t believe they have a problem.
Should I confront a narcissist?
Confrontation often leads to blame-shifting or excuses. Boundaries are usually more effective than arguments.
How do I detach emotionally?
Stop reacting.
When you respond emotionally to their behavior, you stay engaged in the cycle.
This strategy is sometimes called the gray rock method — responding in a neutral, non-emotional way.
Final Thoughts
So there you have it.
Fourteen things you can rely on narcissists to do.
If there’s one key takeaway, it’s this:
You may not be able to control them — but you can control yourself.
Set healthy boundaries.
Surround yourself with consistent, supportive people.
Work with a therapist if needed.
Trust your growth process.
I didn’t learn these patterns overnight.
It took years of trial and error to understand why certain people hurt me repeatedly.
But once I recognized the patterns, I was able to walk away for good.
If you enjoyed this read, feel free to share it with someone who may benefit.
And remember — protecting your peace is not selfish. It’s necessary.
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