Marriage is all about humor. On long, grueling days, being able to share a laugh can make all the difference in the world. Laughter has a way of softening the roughest edges of any day. When you and your partner are laughing side by side, you feel closer than any roses or chocolate could ever make you feel.
But just as not all humor is healthy, not every “joke” is harmless. For every joke that brings a couple closer and helps them feel they can face anything together, there are others that cut so deeply it takes a long time to forget what was said.
Humor in marriage only truly works when it serves to build each other up. If a partner takes a “joke” to heart, or if a joke is used to create distance instead of closeness, then it has done real damage.
In fact, a joking comment can sometimes do more harm than an argument. In a fight, the person on the receiving end knows the other is upset and means what they’re saying. But when cruelty hides behind a joke, it becomes more insidious because the person being hurt doesn’t know whether the other meant it or not.
When my husband and I argue, I know there will be fallout. But when he jokes, I sometimes worry he won’t even notice that he’s hurt my feelings. If we can laugh together over something silly, all is well.
But if my husband doesn’t think twice before saying something in a joking tone, chances are I will. Those are the times I often wonder if he’s ever heard of these nine things you should never joke about with your spouse.
1. Your Partner’s Appearance
Oh, the things my husband and I joke about. We tease each other over our daughter’s latest antics or something on television. It’s all in good fun. But I’ve learned it’s a slippery slope when it comes to your partner’s appearance. That’s one area where too many jokes can lead to hurt feelings over time. It doesn’t matter if your spouse is the funniest person you know or if you’ve joked about your looks for years.
Repeated comments about your partner’s weight, hair loss, gray hairs, wrinkles, or physical shape stop being “playful” and start becoming “personal.”
Little jabs like “You’re getting old” or “You were thinner when we met” might feel harmless, but they chip away at your spouse’s self-esteem. If your partner doesn’t feel beautiful, strong, or attractive in your eyes, then what’s the point?
You’re in this together. You are the person meant to lift them up with your words. Use humor to remind them how great they look—not to make them forget.
Related: 10 Obvious Signs He Will Never Commit To Marriage
2. Divorce or Separation
Even if your spouse is the best sport in the world, there are still lines you should never cross in marriage. Divorce and separation are some of them.
No matter how happy your marriage is, don’t joke about divorce. Saying things like “If you do that again, I’m leaving!” or “Maybe I’ll file those papers” might sound funny at first, but they can be devastating. Marriage should feel like a safe harbor, and joking about separation undermines that safety.
Those “jokes” can make the idea of leaving seem like an option. So even if your spouse jokes about marriage counseling or moving out after a fight, don’t join in. It won’t make it funny—it’ll only make it hurt more.
Related: Why Do Good Marriages Break Down?
3. Your Partner’s Family
Family dynamics are no joke. When your partner’s family becomes the target of repeated humor, it can make them feel defensive or put on the spot.
Even if your spouse’s family seems like easy material for jokes, resist the urge to tease. It’s fine to laugh together about shared family quirks or funny stories, but keep the tone kind and neutral. Never joke so much about their family that your spouse feels they must come to their defense.
Not only does that create friction—it’s not really funny. Choose family jokes that both of you can laugh at, not ones that make your partner uncomfortable.
Related: 11 Things Every Single Woman Should Do Before Marriage
4. Past Relationships
Ah, the exes. They’re often a popular topic for jokes in relationships. When I was single, joking about my husband’s past would have infuriated me. Now, years later, we can laugh about our awkward first dates or the silly things we used to do.
Still, there’s a line that shouldn’t be crossed. Looking back on past relationships can feel like tempting fate—or like rubbing salt in a wound.
Keep it lighthearted, but never joke about having had a better time with an ex, being close to one, or comparing your spouse to someone you dated before. Joking about old flames can stir jealousy and insecurity. Don’t open old wounds in your marriage if you want it to stay strong.
Related: What Is Emotional Abandonment In Marriage
5. Money Troubles
Money is one of the biggest sources of stress in marriage, so why make it a punchline? Jokes can sometimes ease tension, but not when they make your spouse the target.
If your partner struggles with money management or you’re both worried about finances, jokes about it only add insult to injury. Money problems are hard enough without humor that blames or shames.
Even remarks like “You should have married rich” can sound like regret. Instead, talk openly about your financial goals. Laugh about shared spending habits, not about who’s to blame. You’re a team—so act like one.
Related: 11 Things Every Single Woman Should Do Before Marriage
6. Infidelity or Cheating
If there’s one thing that should never be joked about in marriage, it’s infidelity. I would never joke about being tempted to cheat, and I’d be furious if my husband did.
Cheating completely breaks trust. Even joking about it puts emotional security at risk. It can be especially harmful if your spouse already struggles with trust issues.
You can’t predict how your partner will interpret such a joke, but you can be sure it won’t make them feel safe. If you ever worry about boundaries or trust, discuss it honestly—never as humor.
7. Your Partner’s Dreams or Career
Few people get to live their childhood dreams. If your spouse shares theirs with you, don’t make light of it. Avoid jokes about how unrealistic it is or how they’ll “never make money at that.”
Dreams are deeply personal. When you laugh at your spouse’s ambitions, it can make them feel unseen and unimportant. Not all dreams come true, but mocking them guarantees they’ll fade faster.
Support your partner’s goals, even if they seem far-fetched. It’s better to be the person who believes in them than the one who laughs at them.
8. Intimacy or Bedroom Performance
Intimacy is meant to be private. Joking about your spouse’s sexual performance or your private moments together can be humiliating and deeply hurtful.
Humor that exposes or criticizes what happens in the bedroom breaks trust and comfort. If jokes at your partner’s expense are what it takes to make you laugh, it’s time to rethink your sense of humor.
Sex is meant to connect you, not embarrass you. Keep that part of your marriage sacred.
9. Personal Insecurities or Past Mistakes
Everyone has insecurities and regrets. The things we’re most self-conscious about are often the places we feel weakest. Joking about your partner’s insecurities or past mistakes is a sure way to wound them.
You are the one person who knows their secrets, fears, and regrets. That means your words carry the most weight—and can hurt the most. Handle them carefully. Don’t weaponize your spouse’s vulnerabilities in the name of humor.
Why Jokes Matter More Than You Think
As humans, we like to defend what we say. But when you hurt your spouse and then excuse it by saying you were “just joking,” it only deepens the hurt.
Jokes in marriage sting more because they come from the person closest to you. Marriage is built on communication and trust, and destructive humor tears at both.
Humor has the power to destroy or heal. Used as a weapon, it damages love. Used gently, it builds intimacy and connection.
How to Know If Your Humor Is Healthy
The best humor in a marriage is the kind both people can enjoy. If you wouldn’t want the same joke said to you, don’t say it.
Ask yourself:
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Would I laugh if this were said to me?
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Is this coming from love or frustration?
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Would I say this in front of others?
If your answer to any of these is “no,” it’s time to rethink the joke.
Healthy humor brings joy and closeness. Mean-spirited humor builds resentment. Listen to your spouse’s reactions—are they laughing with you or faking a smile? Take that seriously.
Final Thoughts
Humor in marriage is essential, but it must be handled with care. Marriage should be a place where laughter is free and love feels safe.
If you can’t be kind with your humor, leave those jokes behind. Your laughter should never come at your spouse’s expense. It should remind you both why you chose each other in the first place.
Laughter can heal, but only when both hearts are laughing together.
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