A man who has an affair doesn’t just become more secretive—he starts telling stories.
Affairs rarely last on chemistry alone. They thrive on words, false promises, and emotional manipulation. Mistresses, or any long-term lovers, often feel understood, accepted, and seen. They believe their lover is the only person who truly listens without judgment. This illusion can make a woman feel needed and validated, as though she has found both a confidant and a best friend.
The problem is that most of what a man says in an affair is carefully calculated—to control the situation, keep it secret, and keep you emotionally hooked. His words are designed for his benefit: to get what he wants with minimal commitment while protecting his home life from disruption.
1. “You’re the only one who understands me.”
This is the single most used emotional hook—and it works almost every time. When a man tells you this, he’s setting you up to feel like his emotional safe haven. While it may seem like genuine connection, what’s really happening is that he’s using you as his venting ground. By making you feel uniquely understood, he deepens your emotional investment and strengthens the illusion that you share something no one else could understand.
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2. “My marriage is over; I’m only staying for the kids.”
He’s trying to absolve you of guilt for being with a married man. He paints himself as trapped in a loveless marriage, yet he remains in it year after year. This statement keeps your hope alive—that someday he’ll leave when the timing is right. What he doesn’t admit is that leaving his wife would change everything, including your dynamic with him. If he truly left, you might not recognize the man you thought you loved.
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3. “I’ve never felt this way before.”
If emotional manipulation were an Olympic sport, this phrase would win gold. It’s designed to make you feel irreplaceable. To him, it’s a relief to say; to you, it feels like a declaration of pure, uncontrollable love. You hear, “I love you,” but what he’s really saying is, “You make me feel something different—and I want to keep that feeling.”
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4. “If circumstances were different, I’d be with you.”
This is code for I can keep stringing you along, and you can’t do anything about it. He gives you a dream to hold on to while keeping himself safe. Fate becomes his excuse for not having to choose. It lets him cheat without guilt and keeps you emotionally invested in a story that never changes.
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5. “I can’t leave her right now, but I will soon.”
The oldest trick in the book. He’s buying time. Each time you ask questions, the timeline shifts—soon becomes six months, then two years. He always has a reason: She’s not well, the kids need stability, I’m between jobs, I can’t afford to move out. Every excuse keeps you waiting just long enough to lose another piece of yourself.
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6. “You make me feel alive again.”
One of the most seductive phrases a man can use. It tells you that you’ve revived him, that you’re the spark he’s been missing. What it really means is that you’re his escape. He likely entered the affair because his marriage lost excitement, and now he’s chasing emotional euphoria with you. You become his “miracle worker”—the woman who restores him. And in return, you begin to crave the feeling of being needed.
7. “No one can ever know about us.”
Secrecy protects him, not you. But he’ll disguise it as intimacy—our secret. It creates the illusion that you share something sacred, when in truth, it isolates you. The more you hide, the more dependent you become on him. He knows that silence keeps you compliant.
8. “You’re my peace.”
It sounds harmless, even comforting. But when a man says this, he’s not confessing love—he’s describing escape. You’re not his peace; you’re his distraction. He’s flattering you into believing you’re his salvation, while you’re actually helping him avoid responsibility. It’s emotional sleight of hand that makes the affair feel pure and meaningful when it isn’t.
9. “She doesn’t love me anymore.”
This line is meant to stir sympathy. He casts himself as the victim of a cold, loveless marriage. It’s a subtle way to make you feel responsible for his happiness. The narrative becomes simple: his wife is the villain, you’re the savior. The truth is, it’s not about love lost—it’s about control gained.
10. “You deserve better than me.”
A deceptive mix of humility and manipulation. It sounds self-effacing, but it’s actually a plea for reassurance. By saying this, he invites you to argue—No, I want you. You’re worth it. His false modesty keeps you emotionally entangled and willing to prove your devotion.
11. “I think about you all the time.”
Even if he does, it’s likely in fragments between his regular life. Yet he makes you believe you’re constantly on his mind. It’s designed to make you feel powerful—as though you’ve taken over his thoughts, even when he’s home with his wife. This illusion gives you a sense of victory that keeps you emotionally hooked.
12. “You’re not like other women.”
A poisonous compliment. By isolating you from other women, he convinces you that you’re superior—special. The truth is, this is a line he’s likely used before. It’s meant to inflate your ego so you’ll cling harder. Once you start believing you’re exceptional, you’ll fight to maintain that status, even at the cost of your self-worth.
13. “When I’m with you, I forget everything else.”
It sounds romantic, but it’s escapism disguised as intimacy. With you, he can play house without the burdens of real life. For him, it’s relief; for you, it’s fantasy. The more you buy into this illusion, the harder it becomes to recognize how far you’ve drifted from reality.
14. “I wish I had met you first.”
Perhaps the most manipulative line of all. It rewrites history, creating a false sense of fate. He’s telling you that you’re the right woman at the wrong time—a tragic love story. But this story absolves him of guilt and gives you permission to stay. The truth? He likely told his wife the same thing once upon a time.
15. “You’re my forever, even if we can’t be together now.”
The most sentimental line—and the most dangerous. It mixes heartbreak with hope. To you, it sounds like destiny; to him, it’s a way to keep you patient and emotionally invested. It promises everything while offering nothing. Until he acts on those words, they’re empty poetry meant to keep you from walking away.
Why These Things Work
These lines are powerful because they target emotional needs. Affairs rarely begin out of lust alone; they thrive on emotional deprivation. When a woman feels unseen or unappreciated, a man who listens and flatters her feels like a miracle. He gives her what she’s been missing—attention, validation, and connection.
But all these phrases are part of a cycle. He uses them to maintain balance—his wife provides stability, his mistress provides excitement. Both serve a role. When the mistress demands clarity or a future, those sweet words quickly turn into excuses and delays.
The Curse of Hope
Women often stay in affairs not because they’re naïve, but because they’re emotionally bonded. Affairs are built on chemical highs—dopamine, oxytocin, adrenaline—all the hormones that make love feel intoxicating. Every text, every stolen kiss, every whispered “I miss you” becomes addictive.
Hope becomes both the light and the trap. The mistress keeps believing that someday, the love will be real, the timing will be right, the story will have a happy ending. But that hope, the very force that sustains love in healthy relationships, becomes the chain that binds her in a broken one.
The Truth Beneath the Words
When stripped of emotion, most of these statements have one purpose: control.
He wants affection without accountability, comfort without commitment. He wants two women who give him what he wants, each unaware of the cost.
Meanwhile, the mistress lives in a waiting room—waiting for him to leave, waiting for change, waiting for her turn. But that turn almost never comes.
Appearances can deceive. A man having an affair may speak tenderly, choose his words carefully, and look sincere, but sincerity is not proof of love. The only thing you can count on in an affair is talk.
When a man truly wants to be with someone, he doesn’t have to promise it.
He simply makes it happen.
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