How To Find Yourself Again After a Breakup

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Breakups are never easy, especially after a long-term relationship. You perhaps have spent an eternity, or what feels like an entire lifetime with this person, only to find things never work out. More importantly, the person you are in a relationship with can feel like an extension of you. With this, you lose a piece of yourself.

The process of a breakup is not only the heartache of losing someone you love, but it can also highlight areas of self-doubt and a lack of personal awareness. Goals, dreams, and day-to-day activities may have relied on your significant other, and now you are left to restructure your life alone.

Finding yourself and your purpose after a breakup is a quintessential moment. It may feel like a distant dream right now, but with the right direction and set intention, you can find out who you are and how great your life can be as a singleton. In this blog post, we will share just how you can begin to process your breakup, and eventually find out who you truly are. Take a look at the following suggestions:

How to find yourself after a breakup

1. Allow time for grieving

Grieving is normal after a long-term relationship breakup. Studies have shown that the same heartache and physical responses that occur after a loved one dies also happen after a breakup with a partner you love. It is completely normal to feel heartbroken, and unable to go about your day in the usual way you would.

Give yourself enough time to process what has happened. Most importantly, let any emotions out. Keeping them in will only leave you vulnerable to having a breakdown just when things seem to be looking up. If you need to take time off work, speak with your managers and ask for a day or two to reflect on what you have just experienced.

2. Practice mindfulness to grasp your emotions

Mindfulness practices offer great tools for releasing your emotions and beginning the steps to move forward. Mindfulness meditation for example is all about grounding your thoughts and limiting ruminating, negative ones. This time allows you to simply observe what is coming into your mind, and consider what these thoughts and mentions might mean.

If you are new to meditation, put on a guided meditation video on YouTube, light some candles, and follow the instructions on the tape. This will open your eyes a lot more as to what you are feeling, and also how to regulate your emotions during this difficult time.

3. Don’t let the breakup take over

Although it may feel like it, you need to understand that this breakup is not your life. There is a lot more going on in your life that requires dedication and attention so don’t let the breakup rule over any outstanding priorities. The truth is that keeping yourself busy once you have an understanding of your mentions is the best thing to do.

Related: What to do after a breakup

4. Avoid blaming yourself

It can be easy to blame yourself during this time of vulnerability. You may find yourself looking back at past actions and considering what you could have done differently. Instead of looking back with regret and blame, focus on the present moment and what is currently happening.

Accept the break-up has happened and there is nothing you can do to change that. Blaming yourself is emotional self-sabotage. You need to love and forgive yourself for anything that you regret and look ahead toward a brighter future.

5. Distance yourself from painful reminders

Sometimes to move forward, you need to change your physical environment. Painful reminders such as where you lived together or your favorite spots may be withholding your ability to move on. In extreme cases, you may prefer to move to a new city or simply move into a different home from where you once lived together.

Distancing yourself from painful reminders may be easier said than done, however, it has a powerful effect in surging the change needed to find yourself and move on. Consider moving in with a friend, or for a total change, move to a city you have always dreamed of going to.

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6. Be the bigger person

Breakups can get nasty, and often the reaction they inflict on you is never a reflection of who you truly want to be. You need to be the biggest person in these situations and support your journey to finding self-love and peace. Rude messages or hurtful actions from your ex should be taken as signs that they are not worth your time, and this time will be better spent investing in your growth!

Related: How to recover from a breakup

7. Focus on what you have

Leaning your attention on what you currently have is a powerful way to stay present and appreciate what you are currently working with. Look at your cup as half full instead of half empty, and start to list all of your amazing attributes and your current situation. Do you have a supportive family? Are your friends ride or die? Do you have a great well-paying job? Focus on the now, and be appreciative of what you have instead of what has been lost.

8. Understand love is still out there

Love is still out there for you. Despite what you may think and how lonely you may feel, you will meet the person who derives your time and attention. Coming out of a long-term relationship can feel daunting, and it can inflict the feeling of running out of time to find the right person.

The best person for you will turn up at some point, however, this will only happen once you truly love yourself again. Avoid looking for it until you’re ready, but understand that love is still possible for you.

8. Invest in some TLC

During this time of grieving your relationship, it helps to invest in yourself by doing some self-care. If you have not bought yourself a new outfit for a while, or it has been months since you’ve had your nails done, treat yourself. When you don’t feel your most confident it helps to do small self-care treatments to improve how you look and feel.

9. Be guided

Whether you are spiritual or religious, using this time to connect with your higher self or god is a great way to find answers to the unknown. Clarity and guidance are always great results following the mindfulness practice of prayer. Start each day with mindfulness practices such as journal writing or prayer in your favorite abaya, and this will calm your mind during this anxious time.

Bottom line

Overall, finding your purpose and who you are after a breakup is never easy, but it is possible. It can be especially difficult after you have exited a long-term relationship split. Allow yourself the time to grieve, focus on your development, and learn to forgive any mistake your ex-partner, or you have made in the past.