How To Find Yourself Again In A Relationship
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How To Find Yourself Again In A Relationship

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Losing yourself in a relationship is a normal experience for everyone in love. Some relationships swallow your identity. You give all your attention to your partner and hardly have time for yourself, family and friends. But today, I’m going to share with you, how to find yourself again after losing yourself in a relationship.

Everyone in a new relationship is always tempted to spend every minute of the day with their partner. You always try your best to make your significant other happy, even if it requires you to be sad. You stop having time for yourself, your work, your hobbies, your family, and your friends. All these are signs you are losing yourself in a relationship.

Can you lose yourself in love? If so, what does it really mean?

Happy woman taking selfie in nature

What does losing yourself in a relationship mean?

When you lose yourself in a relationship, you prioritize your relationship and your partner above yourself. To lose oneself means to give all of one’s attention or thought to something. This in return makes you depressed, angry and confused in a relationship.

Is it normal to lose yourself in a relationship?

Although, losing your autonomy and identity in a relationship is a feeling anyone can experience but it is not ok to lose yourself while trying to please another person. You are the most important person in your life and should prioritize your happiness first, before others. You shouldn’t lose your likes, dislikes, and opinions in favour of sharing the ones your partner holds. It is never a sign of selfishness.

What does it feel like to lose yourself?

When you lose your sense of self in a relationship, you feel unhappy with yourself. You always try or wish to be like someone else. You feel angry, get confused, and always try to fit in, in order to please your partner.

How do you know you’re losing yourself?

If you notice any of these signs in your life, it means you’re losing yourself.

Signs you’re losing yourself in a relationship:

  • You focus all your attention on your partner and your relationship.
  • You hardly have time for yourself, your hobbies, your family and friends.
  • All you think about is how to please your partner even if it requires losing your own happiness
  • Your partner’s hobbies are now yours
  • You’re always attached to your partner every now and then.
  • You end up feeling angry with yourself and even feel confused.
  • You’re okay when your partner does not respect your boundaries anymore.
  • You always try to change yourself to become who your partner wants you to be.

Do you have to lose yourself to find yourself?

Finding our true selves requires us to lose our identity first. It is important to reconnect with yourself, but ironically, it doesn’t always become complete until you lose yourself.

Read also: How to date yourself.

Why do we lose ourselves in a relationship?

People lose themselves in a relationship because they are too eager to please the other person than themselves. This happens when we feel unworthy of love, and by setting weak boundaries that are not often respected by our partner.

Can you be in a relationship and still find yourself?

“YES” is possible to find yourself when you’re in a committed relationship. A good partner allows you to discover your own identity, love yourself, and connect with your family and friends without losing yourself. When you are with someone who is committed to you and the relationship, there is always room for finding yourself.

But how do you find yourself again if you’ve lost yourself while in a relationship? Below are what to do when you’re losing yourself. Do the following to get yourself back.

How to find yourself again in a relationship

Here’s what to do if you have lost yourself in a relationship. Do these to fix yourself again.

1. Start by loving yourself

When you are lost in a relationship, you give up on everything you love, including your hobbies, family, and friends. But the only way to find yourself again is to practice self-love. Loving yourself first gives you the opportunity to reconnect with who you are that you’ve lost, your hobbies, family, and friends. Avoid depending on your partner to feel good about yourself. Rather, learn to be independent and love yourself.

Research shows that “With selflove, you’ll show up in relationships as a strong, confident, and secure person.”

2. Give yourself, your relationship, and your partner some space

You will always be tempted to do everything together with your partner. But try as much as possible to spend some time apart. Give each other space and freedom to do your own things. Clinging to your partner will not give you the opportunity to find your sense of self.

3. Learn to set healthy boundaries for yourself

Every relationship needs boundaries to become healthy and last longer. To find yourself again, you should be able to set good boundaries for yourself in a relationship and make sure your partner respects those boundaries.

For example, limit or set boundaries on how often or the amount of time you would be spending with your partner each time you are together so you can have time for yourself, your work, friends, and family members.

Read also: How to overcome loneliness in a relationship.

4. Motivate your partner to also do things outside your relationship

You will only have time for yourself once your partner starts doing things outside of the relationship. And that can only be possible by encouraging him or her to find themselves too.

Instead of controlling or manipulating them to spend every hour with you, encourage them to focus more on their career, their hobbies, or passion, they should visit friends and do certain things without you. That doesn’t mean you want them to distance themselves from you. But at least, they should have some time alone to take care of themselves. All these are possible with the use of good communication skills.

Read also: How to improve your relationship.

How do I stop losing myself in a relationship?

To avoid losing yourself in a relationship, you should know what you really want from your partner, how you want to be treated, and set healthy boundaries for yourself.


Everyone has their identity. Losing yourself just to make someone else your priority is not normal when it comes to having a happy and healthy relationship.

But with the help of the tips I mentioned above, you will be able to discover yourself once more if you’ve already lost yourself in a relationship.


4 Possible ways to find yourself again after losing your true self
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