16 Ways To Get A Narcissist's Attention

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Whether you’re aiming to manage a relationship with a narcissist, or you’re looking to influence or gain favor from them, here are tips on how to get a Narcissist’s attention.

How to get a narcissist’s attention

1. Mirror their behavior

The first way to get a narcissist’s attention is to mirror their behavior. Reflecting on their actions and mannerisms can be a subtle way to create a sense of familiarity and connection. Be careful to observe their body language, the tone of their voice, and their choice of words. Gradually incorporate these observations into your interactions with them. However, it’s important to maintain your authenticity while doing so. You don’t want to become a carbon copy but rather to give the impression that you’re on the same wavelength. This mirroring can make them feel more at ease and open to engaging with you.

When mirroring a narcissist, it’s essential to note the nuances of their behavior. Pay attention to their likes, dislikes, and the way they present themselves to the world. Adopting these aspects in a way that still feels natural to you can make you appear more appealing to them. Remember, narcissists are attracted to people who reflect their own image. By mirroring them, you’re essentially showing them a version of themselves, which can be incredibly enticing for someone with narcissistic traits.

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2. Flatter their ego

The second technique to draw a narcissist’s gaze is ego flattery. Compliments and praise can be powerful tools when dealing with a narcissist. They thrive on admiration and have a deep-seated need for affirmation. Your objective should be to deliver compliments that seem sincere and specific to them. General accolades will not suffice; narcissists prefer flattery that acknowledges their unique attributes or accomplishments.

When you flatter a narcissist, it’s vital to strike the right balance. Overdoing it may come off as insincere, while too little won’t make an impact. Observe what they take pride in – it could be their intelligence, appearance, or professional achievements – and tailor your compliments accordingly. This personalized admiration can make you stand out in their eyes, as it feeds into their self-image and sense of importance.

3. Seek Their Advice or Opinion

Narcissists love to feel needed and important, and what better way to cater to this than by seeking their advice or opinion? By doing so, you’re signaling that you value their expertise and judgment. Ask for their input on matters they are knowledgeable about or have expressed interest in. This approach not only strokes their ego but also engages them in a conversation where they can showcase their intelligence or skill.

When seeking a narcissist’s advice, be sure to express genuine interest in their response. Listen attentively and provide feedback that indicates you’re considering their viewpoint seriously. This can create a dynamic where they see you as someone who appreciates their intellect, further cementing their attention on you.

4. Appeal to their sense of superiority

For a narcissist, feeling superior is not just a desire – it’s a necessity. To capture their attention, you can appeal to this sense by acknowledging their status, intelligence, or any other attribute they consider superior. Position yourself as someone who recognizes and respects their hierarchy, whether real or self-imposed.

In your interactions, defer to their expertise or decision-making skills. Allow them to take the lead in situations where it’s appropriate and safe for you to do so. This deference can make them feel respected and, by extension, more interested in maintaining a connection with you.

5. Highlight Mutual Interests

Finding common ground is a universal technique for building rapport, and with narcissists, it’s no different. Highlighting mutual interests can provide a solid foundation for conversations and interactions. If you share a love for a particular type of music, art, or any other hobby, bring it up in your discussions. This shared interest can be a gateway to longer, more meaningful conversations that capture their attention.

When you discuss mutual interests, make sure to show enthusiasm. Your excitement can be infectious and may encourage them to engage more deeply with you. It’s also an opportunity for them to talk about their passions, which is something they’re likely to enjoy.

6. Use social media to grab their attention

In the digital age, social media is a powerful tool to catch someone’s eye, and it’s no different when it comes to narcissists. They often use these platforms to seek validation and admiration. By engaging with their posts, whether it’s through likes, comments, or shares, you can get on their radar. Make sure your interactions are positive and affirming, as this will likely resonate with them.

When using social media to attract a narcissist’s attention, be strategic. Don’t overdo it with constant comments or likes, as this can come off as desperate or insincere. Instead, focus on meaningful interactions. Comment on something that genuinely interests you or add a thoughtful perspective to a discussion they are involved in.

7. Play on their need for admiration

A narcissist’s need for admiration is like an insatiable hunger, and playing on this can be an effective way to capture their attention. Give them the admiration they crave, but do so in a way that is genuine and reflects true feelings. When they do something impressive, acknowledge it. If they look particularly good on a given day, compliment them. These moments of recognition can be very powerful.

However, as you feed this need, be careful not to create a dynamic where admiration is the only currency. Ensure that your praise is deserved and not just a tool for manipulation. Narcissists can be perceptive, and disingenuous admiration can backfire.

Related: Signs of somatic Narcissist

8. Offer Admiration and Adoration

Building on the need for admiration, and offering adoration can take your influence to the next level. Adoration goes beyond simple compliments and touches on a deeper appreciation for who they are as a person. Let them know that you not only admire their achievements or appearance but also respect their ideas and values.

Expressing adoration can be as simple as a heartfelt comment about their impact on you or others, or about the depth of their insights. This form of admiration strikes a chord with their self-view as someone of significance and can be incredibly attractive to them.

9. Create a sense of scarcity

Creating a sense of scarcity is a psychological tactic that can be surprisingly effective. It’s based on the principle that people are more attracted to what is rare or hard to obtain. In the context of dealing with a narcissist, this can mean not always being available or making it seem like your attention and time are precious commodities.

By not always being at their beck and call, you create a scenario where they have to work for your attention, which can make it more desirable. Be cautious, however, to not come off as disinterested or aloof. You want to strike a balance where you are seen as having your own life and interests, which in turn makes the time you do give them more valuable.

10. Engage in shared interests or hobbies

Engaging in shared interests or hobbies is an extension of highlighting mutual interests. It involves actively participating in activities that a narcissist enjoys. This engagement demonstrates your willingness to be part of their world and can be a significant draw.

By sharing their interests, you’re also creating shared experiences, which can be a bonding factor. Whether it’s attending a concert together, playing a sport they love, or engaging in an intellectual debate over a shared passion, these activities can strengthen your connection and keep you in their thoughts.

This strategy also allows you to showcase your own skills and knowledge in areas that matter to them. Being an active participant in their interests can elevate their perception of you, making you more than just an audience but a peer in their eyes.

11. Be an Audience

Being an audience to a narcissist is about giving them the stage and spotlight they crave. Listen intently when they speak, engage with their stories, and show admiration for their performances or presentations. Your attentive presence can be incredibly validating for them and is a surefire way to keep their attention on you.

When you serve as an audience, it’s also important to provide the right kind of feedback. Encourage their endeavors and celebrate their successes. Laugh at their jokes, applaud their achievements, and, when appropriate, provide constructive feedback that helps them grow without bruising their ego.

12. Create Opportunities for Them to Shine

Creating opportunities for them to shine involves setting up situations where a narcissist’s talents and abilities can be on full display. This could be as simple as asking them to lead a project, speak at an event, or take charge of a social gathering. By doing this, you’re once again appealing to their ego and need for admiration.

When you create these opportunities, be sure to recognize and acknowledge their contributions. Publicly praise their leadership or creativity, which not only provides them with the spotlight they seek but also ties their success to your support.

13. Use Nonverbal Cues

Nonverbal cues can be just as powerful as words when it comes to communication, and they can be particularly effective in gaining a narcissist’s attention. Your body language, eye contact, and facial expressions can all convey admiration and interest without you having to say a word.

Maintain eye contact when they are speaking to show that you are fully engaged. Lean in slightly to demonstrate your interest, and nod to show understanding or agreement. Be mindful of your facial expressions as well; a smile or an impressed look can go a long way in affirming a narcissist.

14. Use their insecurities against them

This strategy requires a delicate touch and should be used with caution. Narcissists, despite their outward confidence, often harbor deep insecurities. By subtly playing into these insecurities, you can compel them to seek your approval and attention.

To employ this tactic effectively, you must first understand what their insecurities are. Once you do, you can provide reassurance and support that directly addresses those insecurities. For example, if they are insecure about their professional abilities, being a vocal supporter of their work can be very effective.

15. Set boundaries and stick to them

Setting boundaries is essential in any relationship, but it can also be an effective strategy in dealing with a narcissist. By setting clear boundaries, you show that you have self-respect and that your attention and energy are not limitless resources.

When you set boundaries, be firm but respectful. Make it clear what is acceptable to you and what is not. Narcissists may push back against these boundaries, but standing your ground can actually increase their respect for you. It also ensures that your relationship with them remains healthy and doesn’t become exploitative.

Sticking to your boundaries may initially seem like it would push a narcissist away, but in many cases, it does the opposite. It creates a challenge for them and can make your attention seem even more valuable because it’s not so easily obtained.

16. Build your self-confidence and self-esteem

Finally, building your self-confidence and self-esteem is perhaps the most important strategy. A narcissist is often drawn to confidence because it reflects their own self-image. By cultivating your own sense of self-worth, you become more attractive to them.

Work on recognizing your own values and accomplishments. When you have a strong sense of self, you’re less likely to fall into the trap of seeking a narcissist’s approval for your own validation. This independence and strength can be incredibly appealing to a narcissist, as they respect those who seem to hold their own.

Moreover, when you are confident in who you are, you’re better equipped to interact with a narcissist without being overwhelmed or overshadowed by their personality. Your self-assuredness ensures that you can hold their attention without compromising your own identity.

Conclusion

Capturing a narcissist’s attention requires a blend of strategy, understanding, and self-awareness. However, by continuing practice of the above-mentioned tips, you will successfully get a Narcissist’s attention over time.