My Boyfriend Insults Me When We Fight- Here’s What To Do
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My Boyfriend Insults Me When We Fight- Here’s What To Do

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My boyfriend insults me when we fight, what should I do?

If you are reading this post, it is probably because your partner often insults you each time you have an argument with them, and you might be wondering what to do.

Verbally abusive relationships are real and most girls find themselves in relationships where their boyfriend abuses them verbally and even physically. This is not only a sign of a toxic relationship but something that should be addressed ASAP.

Relationships are meant to be built on love, trust, and respect. However, it can be disheartening and hurtful when your boyfriend consistently insults you during arguments.

It’s natural to wonder why this behavior occurs and what can be done to address it. Here are the possible reasons why your boyfriend might insult you when you argue with him.

Why does my boyfriend insult me when we argue?

1. Emotional Regulation Issues

During arguments, people can become overwhelmed by their emotions, leading to impulsive and hurtful behavior. Your boyfriend’s insults may stem from difficulties in regulating his emotions effectively. It’s possible that he hasn’t learned healthy ways to express his frustrations, which results in verbal attacks.

To address this issue, it’s important to encourage your boyfriend to work on his emotional regulation skills. Suggest techniques such as deep breathing, taking breaks during arguments to cool down, or seeking therapy to learn healthier communication strategies.

Related: How to stop fighting in a relationship

2. Stress and External Factors

Stressful life events or external pressures can impact how individuals react during arguments. Your boyfriend may be experiencing high levels of stress from work, personal challenges, or other factors that contribute to his aggressive behavior.

Take the time to have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about any stressors he may be facing. Encourage him to seek support, whether it’s through therapy, stress-management techniques, or finding healthy outlets for stress relief.

3. Unresolved Issues or Resentment

Sometimes, insults during arguments are a manifestation of underlying unresolved issues or resentment within the relationship. These issues may have been lingering for some time, and arguments serve as an outlet for these pent-up emotions.

Open communication is key to addressing these unresolved issues. Create a safe space for both of you to express your feelings and concerns without judgment. Consider seeking couples therapy to facilitate productive discussions and find resolutions that work for both of you.

4. Insecurity and Low Self-Esteem

Insecurity and low self-esteem can also contribute to insulting behavior during arguments. Your boyfriend may be struggling with personal insecurities that manifest as verbal attacks towards you. By putting you down, he may be attempting to alleviate his own feelings of inadequacy.

Encourage your boyfriend to work on building his self-esteem and addressing his insecurities. Remind him of his positive qualities and support his personal growth. However, it’s important to set boundaries and not tolerate continued insults as a means of self-improvement.

What to do when a man insults you

1. Communication is Key

Open and honest communication is crucial when dealing with insults during arguments. Express your feelings to your boyfriend calmly and assertively, making it clear that his insults are hurtful and unacceptable. Use “I” statements to convey your emotions without blaming or attacking him.

For example, instead of saying, “You always insult me and it’s not fair,” try saying, “I feel hurt and disrespected when you insult me during our arguments. I would appreciate it if we could find healthier ways to communicate.”

2. Set Boundaries

Establishing clear boundaries is essential in any relationship. Let your boyfriend know what you will not tolerate, including insults or disrespectful behavior. Communicate these boundaries firmly but respectfully, emphasizing the importance of mutual respect.

Related: How to set boundaries with a Narcissist

3. Seek Professional Help

If the insults persist despite your efforts, consider seeking couples therapy. A professional therapist can provide guidance and facilitate constructive communication between you and your boyfriend. They can help you both explore underlying issues and develop healthier ways to express yourselves during arguments.

4. Focus on Self-Care

While addressing the issue with your boyfriend, it’s crucial to prioritize your own well-being. Engage in self-care activities that bring you joy and reduce stress. Surround yourself with a support system of friends and family who uplift and empower you.

Remember that you deserve to be treated with love, respect, and kindness. If the insults continue and your boyfriend shows no willingness to change, it may be necessary to reevaluate the relationship and consider whether it is healthy for you to continue.


Insults during arguments can be emotionally damaging and should not be tolerated in a healthy relationship. I believe that the above tips will help you to address the issue next time your boyfriend or husband insults you after a fight or an argument.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Is it normal for my boyfriend to insult me during arguments?

No, it is not normal or acceptable for your boyfriend to insult you during arguments. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, love, and effective communication. Insults are hurtful and can indicate deeper issues within the relationship that need to be addressed.

Q: How can I communicate my feelings to my boyfriend without escalating the situation?

When communicating your feelings to your boyfriend, it’s important to remain calm and assertive. Use “I” statements to express how his insults make you feel, focusing on your emotions rather than attacking or blaming him. Avoid raising your voice or engaging in a heated argument, as this can escalate the situation further.

Q: What if my boyfriend refuses to acknowledge or change his insulting behavior?

If your boyfriend refuses to acknowledge or change his insulting behavior, despite your efforts to address the issue, it may be necessary to reconsider the future of the relationship. No one should tolerate consistent insults or disrespectful behavior. Seek support from loved ones and consider seeking professional help to navigate this difficult decision.

Q: Can insults during arguments be a form of emotional abuse?

Yes, insults during arguments can be a form of emotional abuse. Emotional abuse involves the consistent use of words, actions, or behaviors to manipulate, control, or demean a partner. It is important to recognize the signs of emotional abuse and seek help if you believe you are experiencing it in your relationship.

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