19 Things You Should Consider Keeping Secret in a Relationship
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19 Things You Should Consider Keeping Secret in a Relationship

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Trust and transparency are often hailed as the two cornerstones of a strong relationship. However, the intricacies of human emotions and personal history bring forth a nuanced question: is keeping secrets in a relationship ever justified?

While honesty is paramount, certain pieces of information, when shared, might do more harm than good. This introduces the delicate balance between openness and discretion, highlighting the importance of considering what is best left unsaid for the health and longevity of your partnership.

No matter how far your have gone in your relationship, here are secrets to keep to yourself if you want your relationship to last longer.

secrets to keep in a relationship

19 Things to keep secret in your relationship

No matter how much you love your partner, here are secrets to keep to yourself if you want your relationship to remain healthy and last longer.

1. Your Sexual History Details

Why It’s Best to Keep Sexual History Private

Discussing your sexual history can be fraught with potential judgment and misunderstanding.

Even in a sex-positive society, biases persist, and sharing details about your sexual past can lead to misconceptions about your character and stability.

It’s crucial to recognize that every individual’s sexual history is unique and should not define their current relationship capabilities or worth.

Potential Impact on Your Relationship

Revealing your sexual past can unintentionally lead to feelings of insecurity or inadequacy in your partner.

It might also trigger unwarranted comparisons, affecting the dynamics of trust and intimacy within your relationship. Keeping these details private helps maintain focus on the present connection rather than past experiences.

Exceptions to This Rule

While generally, it’s advisable to keep your sexual history private, transparency is essential if past experiences directly impact your current relationship, such as health-related issues. In such cases, honest communication is crucial for mutual safety and informed consent.

2. Attraction to Your Partner’s Friends

Feeling attracted to your partner’s friends can be a natural, albeit confusing, phenomenon. It’s essential to handle these feelings with care to maintain the integrity of your relationship.

Reasons to Keep This a Secret

Revealing attraction to your partner’s friends can create unnecessary tension and insecurity within your relationship. It’s often more beneficial to acknowledge these feelings internally rather than making them a topic of discussion between you and your partner.

How It Can Affect Your Relationship

Discussing an attraction to a friend can lead to trust issues, jealousy, and potential conflicts. It might cause your partner to feel inadequate or suspicious, potentially harming the overall dynamics of trust and intimacy in your relationship.

Dealing with These Feelings Privately

To manage these feelings responsibly:

  1. Acknowledge the attraction as a natural response but not an imperative to act.
  2. Focus on strengthening your relationship by enhancing communication and intimacy with your partner.
  3. Set clear personal boundaries to prevent these feelings from escalating.

3. Your Personal Quirks and Habits

Types of Personal Behaviors to Keep Private

In your relationship, maintaining some personal boundaries is essential. It’s advisable to avoid certain behaviors in front of your partner, such as going to the bathroom or walking around in deteriorating underwear. These actions, while seemingly trivial, don’t necessarily bring you closer as a couple and can detract from the relationship’s intrigue.

Why Sharing Everything Isn’t Always Beneficial

Sharing every little detail of your daily life can lead to a mundane routine, stripping the relationship of its mystery and excitement. Keeping certain habits and quirks to yourself helps maintain a level of curiosity and attraction, which is crucial for a long-lasting relationship.

Maintaining Mystery in Your Relationship

Preserving an element of mystery can significantly enhance the dynamic within your relationship. By selectively sharing aspects of your personal life, you encourage your partner to remain intrigued and engaged. This approach not only keeps the relationship interesting but also respects each individual’s privacy and personal space.

secrets to keep in a relationship

4. Minor Relationship Doubts

Experiencing doubts in a relationship is a common, natural occurrence.

These doubts often arise as the initial excitement of a new relationship gives way to the reality of differing personalities and values.

It’s important to understand that such doubts do not necessarily signal a doomed relationship but rather a transition into a deeper level of commitment where differences are acknowledged and addressed.

Normal Doubts in Relationships

You might find yourself questioning if you’re truly compatible with your partner or if your feelings for them are as strong as they should be.

Such doubts are typical as relationships progress and are akin to the uncertainties you might feel when making other significant life decisions, like changing jobs or relocating.

Why Immediate Sharing Can Be Harmful

While open communication is vital, sharing every fleeting doubt can create unnecessary anxiety and tension. It’s crucial to discern which feelings are mere passing thoughts and which are persistent issues that need attention. Prematurely discussing every uncertainty can burden your partner and strain the relationship.

When to Address Persistent Doubts

If doubts continue to nag at you or begin to affect your interaction with your partner, it’s time to address them constructively. Effective communication involves expressing your feelings without blame and working together to resolve underlying issues. This approach fosters trust and understanding, strengthening your relationship in the long run.

Related: Why your relationship is so boring  

5. Dislike for Your Partner’s Family Members

Navigating family relationships can be challenging, especially when you find it difficult to connect with your partner’s family. It’s common to encounter tensions as everyone adjusts to new dynamics and relationships.

Recognizing that these adjustments are part of a significant life transition can help you approach the situation with empathy and patience.

Potential Consequences of Expressing Dislike

Expressing dislike for your partner’s family can have several repercussions. It might strain your relationship with your partner, especially if they have strong familial ties.

Such expressions of dislike could also lead to conflicts or a sense of alienation within the family. Understanding the potential impact of your feelings and handling them with discretion is crucial.

Strategies for Dealing with Difficult In-Laws

  1. Listen to Their Perspectives: Try to understand the emotions behind their comments. This can transform perceived criticisms into expressions of concern, making it easier to address them constructively.
  2. Create Boundaries: Not all family gatherings need to include you. Allowing your partner or children to spend time with their family without you can maintain peace and respect everyone’s needs.
  3. Communicate Openly with Your Partner: Discuss your feelings without making demands or ultimatums. This can foster mutual understanding and support, helping you navigate your relationship with the in-laws more effectively.
  4. Seek External Support: If tensions escalate, consider discussing your situation with a counselor who can provide impartial advice and strategies tailored to your specific circumstances.

By employing these strategies, you can manage your interactions with challenging family members while maintaining the integrity of your relationship with your partner.

6. Your Parents’ Disapproval of Your Partner

Reasons to Keep Parental Disapproval Private

Handling parental disapproval of your partner with discretion can prevent unnecessary strain on your relationship.

If your parents express concerns subtly or passive-aggressively, revealing these to your partner can lead to feelings of rejection and could intensify conflicts unnecessarily.

It’s crucial to consider the impact of sharing such sensitive information, as it might affect your partner’s self-esteem and comfort within the family dynamic.

How It Can Affect Your Relationship

Parental disapproval can deeply affect the dynamics of your relationship. If your parents overtly or covertly make negative comments or comparisons, it may sow seeds of doubt or insecurity.

For instance, if they unfavorably compare your partner to others or highlight perceived flaws, it might create a wedge between you and your partner, potentially leading to feelings of inadequacy or resentment.

Addressing Family Issues Constructively

When dealing with parental disapproval, focus on constructive communication and setting boundaries. Engage in open discussions with your parents to understand their concerns, and express your feelings without defensive or confrontational tones.

If the issues are based on misunderstandings or unfounded biases, gently correct these perceptions. At times, it might be necessary to agree to disagree respectfully, ensuring that your relationship with your partner remains your priority.

7. Unchangeable Aspects You Dislike About Your Partner

Identifying Unchangeable Traits

In every relationship, recognizing that certain characteristics of your partner are inherent and unlikely to change is crucial.

These might include deep-seated personality traits like impulsivity, a tendency for emotional detachment, or even habitual behaviors that have become ingrained over time. Understanding these aspects can be challenging, but it’s essential for fostering acceptance and realistic expectations in your relationship.

Why Honesty Isn’t Always the Best Policy

While honesty is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship, radical transparency about every minor annoyance may not always be beneficial.

It’s important to discern which traits you can live with and which might be deal-breakers. This selective honesty helps in maintaining harmony and focusing on the more significant aspects of your partnership.

For instance, if your partner’s fashion sense or minor forgetfulness doesn’t impact your relationship’s core values, it might be prudent to keep these opinions to yourself.

Focusing on Positive Aspects

Shift your focus from the negatives to the positives. Celebrate your partner’s strengths and the traits you admire. Regularly expressing appreciation for the positive aspects can significantly enhance relationship satisfaction.

This positive reinforcement not only fosters a loving atmosphere but also encourages your partner to emphasize these good behaviors, gradually overshadowing the less desirable traits.

secrets to keep in a relationship

8. Comparisons to Your Ex

Why Comparisons Are Harmful

Comparing your current partner to an ex can undermine your current relationship’s value and uniqueness. Such comparisons often focus on selective, idealized memories of the past, which can distort your perception of the present.

This habit can lead to dissatisfaction and a constant feeling that your current partner is “never enough,” fostering a culture of negativity and unattainable expectations.

How It Affects Your Current Relationship

Constant comparisons can damage the trust and intimacy that are fundamental to any relationship.

If you find yourself frequently measuring your partner against an ex, it may prevent you from fully appreciating and engaging with the person who is actually with you now.

This can lead to feelings of resentment and inadequacy in your partner, which can strain the relationship.

Focusing on the Present Relationship

To maintain a healthy and fulfilling relationship, it’s crucial to focus on the present. Embrace the unique qualities of your current partner and the new experiences you share together.

Practice gratitude for what your relationship currently offers and work on building trust and intimacy without the shadow of past comparisons. This approach not only enhances your current relationship but also supports your personal emotional well-being.

9. Initial Lack of Attraction

Feeling an initial lack of attraction in a relationship can be disconcerting, yet it’s a common experience that doesn’t necessarily predict the future potential of a relationship. Understanding the dynamics of attraction and how it can evolve over time is crucial.

Why This Information Is Unnecessary

You might worry that not experiencing immediate physical or emotional attraction is a sign of a doomed relationship. However, attraction can develop as you deepen your connection and discover mutual interests and values.

This evolving attraction underscores why initial impressions shouldn’t be the sole basis for continuing or ending a relationship.

How Attraction Develops Over Time

Attraction is not a static experience; it often grows as you get to know someone better.

Shared experiences, emotional intimacy, and mutual respect can transform an initial lack of attraction into a deep, enduring connection. Remember, love often starts not with a thunderbolt but as a seed that grows with time and nurturing.

Focusing on Current Feelings

Rather than dwelling on your first impressions, concentrate on how your feelings evolve as you spend more time together.

Engage in activities that both of you enjoy, communicate openly, and give yourself permission to reassess your feelings as your relationship progresses. Attraction is multifaceted, incorporating emotional, intellectual, and physical elements that can all grow stronger with time.

10. Better Sexual Experiences with Past Partners

Why This Should Remain Private

Discussing better sexual experiences with past partners can inadvertently undermine the intimacy and trust you’ve built with your current partner.

It’s essential to consider the sensitivity of such disclosures and the potential for them to evoke insecurity or jealousy.

Potential Impact on Your Partner’s Confidence

Your partner’s self-esteem could be significantly impacted if they feel they are being compared unfavorably to your previous experiences. This comparison can create a feeling of inadequacy, which might hinder the emotional and sexual closeness necessary for a fulfilling relationship.

Improving Intimacy in Your Current Relationship

To enhance intimacy with your current partner, focus on building emotional and physical connections that are unique to your relationship.

Communicate openly about your needs and desires within the current context without drawing comparisons to the past. This approach fosters a deeper, more secure bond, allowing both partners to feel valued and special in their own right.

11. Negative Comments from Friends or Family

When dealing with negative comments from friends or family about your relationship, it’s essential to navigate these situations with tact and understanding. Here are some strategies to help you manage these comments constructively:

Protecting Your Partner’s Feelings

To shield your partner from hurtful remarks, consider discussing concerns privately rather than in a confrontational setting. Use “I” statements to express how the comments affect you personally, which can prevent your partner from feeling attacked and promote a more supportive dialogue.

Managing Relationships with Friends and Family

Maintain respectful boundaries in conversations about your relationship. If friends or family members offer unsolicited advice or criticism, politely acknowledge their perspectives but affirm your own stance.

It’s important to communicate that, while you value their input, decisions about your relationship are made by you and your partner together.

Addressing Genuine Concerns Constructively

If the negative comments stem from genuine concerns, it’s crucial to address these constructively. Engage in open and honest discussions without becoming defensive. This approach fosters understanding and can help resolve underlying issues, strengthening your relationship in the process.

secrets to keep in a relationship

12. Details of Your Personal Spending

Importance of Financial Privacy

Maintaining financial privacy in a relationship can be crucial for personal autonomy and security. It’s essential to distinguish between what is necessary to share and what can remain private to protect individual interests and maintain a healthy boundary.

This distinction helps prevent potential conflicts and ensures that both partners feel secure in their financial independence.

Balancing Transparency and Independence

While privacy is important, transparency about significant financial issues is key to building trust. Discussing joint financial goals and responsibilities can strengthen the relationship.

It’s beneficial to have open conversations about major expenses or investments to ensure both partners are aligned and can make informed decisions together.

When to Discuss Financial Matters

Choosing the right time to discuss finances is vital. It’s best to talk about financial matters when both partners are relaxed and can dedicate time to a thorough discussion, without distractions.

Regular, low-stress conversations about finances can help in making informed decisions and setting realistic expectations for the future.

13. Wishing Your Partner Was More Successful

Why This Can Be Hurtful

Wishing your partner was more successful can subtly undermine the relationship by creating a dynamic where one partner feels inadequate.

This sentiment often stems from societal pressures or personal insecurities, leading to unnecessary strain. It’s crucial to examine why these feelings arise and to consider how expressing them might impact your partner’s self-esteem and motivation.

Supporting Your Partner’s Career

To constructively support your partner’s career aspirations, engage in open dialogues about their goals and challenges. Show genuine interest and encouragement, and be willing to make compromises that facilitate their growth.

This support can strengthen your bond and demonstrate your commitment to their success, irrespective of the outcome.

Focusing on Non-Financial Aspects of Success

Success isn’t solely measured by career achievements or financial gain. Recognize and celebrate the non-material aspects of success in your partner’s life, such as their integrity, kindness, or dedication to personal passions and family. This broader perspective on success can foster a more supportive and fulfilling relationship.

14. Lingering Feelings for an Ex

Why This Should Be Kept Private

Discussing lingering feelings for an ex can create unnecessary tension and insecurity in your current relationship. It’s important to recognize that while it’s normal to have residual feelings, sharing them might lead to misunderstandings and feelings of inadequacy in your partner.

Keeping these feelings private allows you to process them independently, without impacting the dynamics of your current relationship.

Dealing with Residual Emotions

It’s natural to experience lingering emotions after a breakup. Accepting these feelings without judgment is the first step towards healing. Engage in activities that promote personal well-being, such as talking to friends, journaling, or therapy.

Remember, feelings are temporary and acknowledging them can diminish their power over time, helping you to move forward.

Focusing on Your Current Relationship

Concentrate on the positive aspects of your current relationship. Embrace the unique qualities of your partner and the new experiences you share together. This focus helps strengthen your bond and ensures that past relationships do not overshadow the potential and happiness of your present connection.

secrets to keep in a relationship

15. Past Infidelity in Previous Relationships

Why This Information Can Be Damaging

Discussing past infidelity can introduce doubts and insecurities in your current relationship. It might lead your partner to question your commitment and trustworthiness, even if you have changed.

This could strain the relationship unnecessarily, as past actions may not accurately reflect your current values or intentions.

Building Trust in Your Current Relationship

To rebuild trust, focus on consistent and transparent behavior. Actions speak louder than words; therefore, being reliable and open in your interactions can gradually restore trust. It’s crucial to address any concerns directly and foster open communication without dwelling excessively on past mistakes.

When to Consider Disclosure

Disclosure should be approached with caution and should occur when you believe it will benefit the relationship. This might be when the relationship is stable enough to handle such revelations, or if the past might impact your current relationship directly. It’s about timing and ensuring that it’s done with the intention of fostering honesty, not creating barriers.

Related: How an innocent person react when accused of cheating

16. Resentful Thoughts During Arguments

Normal Occurrence of Negative Thoughts

It’s common to dwell on past arguments and think about what you could have said differently. Acknowledging your feelings of regret or frustration is vital.

Remember, it’s normal to have a “knee-jerk” reaction during intense moments. Practicing self-compassion and reminding yourself that everyone makes mistakes can help you manage these emotions constructively.

Why Expressing Every Thought is Harmful

Expressing every negative thought during an argument can amplify conflict and prevent resolution. It’s crucial to challenge whether these thoughts are beneficial or merely causing distress.

Focusing on present issues rather than past grievances supports a healthier dialogue and relationship dynamics.

Constructive Ways to Handle Disagreements

Engaging in mindful communication is key to resolving conflicts effectively. Here are some strategies:

  1. Pause and Reflect: Give yourself a moment to consider your words carefully.
  2. Express Constructively: Use “I” statements to express your feelings without blaming your partner.
  3. Seek Understanding: Aim for a mutual understanding rather than winning the argument.
  4. Focus on Solutions: Discuss and agree on actionable steps to move forward positively.

By adopting these approaches, you can transform how you handle disagreements, fostering a more supportive and understanding relationship.

17. Contents of Your Personal Journal

Importance of Maintaining Privacy

Your personal journal serves as a sanctuary for your deepest thoughts and emotions. It’s a space where you can express yourself freely without judgment, making privacy not just a luxury but a necessity.

By keeping your journal entries private, you ensure that you can explore and confront your emotions and thoughts without fear of misinterpretation or repercussions.

Boundaries in Sharing Personal Thoughts

Setting boundaries around your journal is crucial. If you feel the need to share something from your journal with your partner, consider the implications it might have on your relationship and personal growth. Often, journal entries are raw and unfiltered, meant for your eyes only, to foster personal development and self-understanding.

Respecting Your Partner’s Privacy

Just as you value privacy for your thoughts, it’s important to respect your partner’s privacy. Encourage and support their right to personal space and private thoughts. This mutual respect for privacy not only strengthens trust but also enhances the intimacy and depth of your relationship, allowing both partners to feel secure and valued.

18. Doubts About Your Partner’s Capabilities

Harboring doubts about your partner’s capabilities can subtly undermine the foundation of trust and support that relationships thrive on. It’s essential to differentiate between constructive feedback and undermining your partner’s self-esteem with constant skepticism about their abilities.

Why expressing doubt can be detrimental

Expressing doubts about your partner’s capabilities can be harmful as it may lead to a decrease in their self-confidence and motivation. When you frequently question their ability to achieve goals or handle responsibilities, it can create a persistent sense of inadequacy and discourage them from pursuing ambitions.

Supporting your partner’s ambitions

To foster a supportive relationship, it’s crucial to encourage your partner’s goals and dreams. This support can be shown by engaging in discussions about their ambitions, offering help or resources, and celebrating their successes.

Encouragement should be genuine and aimed at empowering your partner to pursue their interests and achieve their potential.

Balancing realism and encouragement

While support is vital, it’s equally important to maintain a realistic perspective. This involves acknowledging the challenges and limitations honestly but without discouragement. Strive for a balance where you can discuss potential obstacles and provide constructive feedback without diminishing your partner’s efforts or aspirations.

19. Minor Physical Flaws or Annoying Habits

Why Pointing These Out Is Unnecessary

Focusing on minor physical flaws or annoying habits in your partner can lead to a negative outlook on the relationship. It’s essential to remember that everyone has imperfections, and emphasizing them does not contribute positively to the relationship. Instead, it often leads to disappointment and a constant feeling of dissatisfaction, which can strain the bond between you and your partner.

Accepting Your Partner’s Imperfections

Acceptance plays a crucial role in nurturing a healthy relationship. Embracing your partner’s minor flaws as part of who they are can enhance authenticity and comfort within the relationship.

By accepting these imperfections, you also learn to accept your own, fostering a mutual understanding and deeper connection. Remember, showing compassion and understanding towards your partner reflects your maturity and commitment to the relationship.

Focusing on Positive Attributes

Instead of dwelling on the negatives, shift your focus to the positive qualities that your partner brings to the relationship. Acknowledge their strengths and the happiness they bring into your life.

This positive reinforcement not only improves your perception of your partner but also boosts the overall morale and harmony of the relationship. Celebrate their successes and growth, and remember why you fell in love with them in the first place.


Throughout this exploration of the delicate intricacies involved in sharing and concealing within a relationship, we’ve navigated the landscape of discretion, balancing transparency with privacy.

The core message woven through the varied topics—ranging from personal quirks and sexual history to financial matters and emotional residues from past relationships—emphasizes the critical role that wisdom plays in sharing.

Such discretion not only safeguards individual autonomy but also fortifies the relationship by preventing unnecessary contention and fostering a deeper mutual respect.

The refinement of this balance between honesty and privacy is a testament to the nuanced nature of intimacy, highlighting its complexity beyond mere openness.

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