I once found myself trapped in a toxic friendship. Everything seemed perfect at the beginning: fun times, secrets shared, and laughter all around.
However, over time, I began to notice that something was amiss. I started feeling drained, hurt, and emotionally exhausted.
I would spend hours listening and offering support, only to go home feeling floored. It wasn’t until I took a step back and reflected that I realized the friendship was unhealthy.
I made the decision to distance myself, and it turned out to be one of the best choices I’ve ever made. Since then, I’ve learned to recognize the signs of a toxic friendship.
While these signs can be easy to overlook, identifying them can help you protect your emotional well-being.
Here are the 13 clear signs of a bad friendship, with examples from my own experience, which I now wish I had recognized earlier:
13 Clear Signs of Bad Friendship
1. You Always Feel Drained After Spending Time Together
Good friendships should leave you feeling invigorated. But I found myself emotionally drained after every encounter with my friend.
She would constantly complain about her life, and no matter how much support I offered, she remained unhappy. Every time we spent time together, I felt like I had nothing left to give. A healthy friendship should uplift you, not leave you feeling exhausted.
Related; 8 Signs That Tell You’re In A Fake Friendship
2. They’re Always Self-Centered
Friendship should be a two-way street. However, I had a friend who would monopolize every conversation, never once asking about my life or how I was doing.
Even when I shared my accomplishments, she quickly turned the conversation back to herself. It felt like I was giving while she was only taking. A true friendship is built on mutual interest and care.
3. They Put You Down or Make Fun of You
While playful teasing can be part of a fun friendship, repeatedly mocking or making jokes at someone’s expense is not okay.
I laughed at first when my friend made jokes about my appearance or choices, but eventually, it started affecting my self-esteem.
The jokes were no longer funny—they were hurtful. A true friend would never make you feel small or inferior.
Related; 30 Best Quotes About Fake Friends To Express Your Deepest Feelings
4. They Disrespect Your Boundaries
Boundaries are crucial in any relationship. One of my friends constantly disregarded my need for personal space.
She would show up uninvited, expecting me to drop everything and entertain her. When I politely asked for some space, she became upset and made me feel guilty. A real friend will respect your boundaries and honor your need for space.
5. They’re Jealous of Your Success
Jealousy is a clear red flag in any friendship. When I received a promotion at work, my friend didn’t celebrate with me.
Instead, she passively complained about how it was “about time” I got that role. This was a wake-up call for me. A true friend will cheer for your successes, not resent you for them.
Related: 9 Sneaky Ways to Make Your Best Friend Jealous
6. They Gossip About You Behind Your Back
Trust is the foundation of any friendship. I learned the hard way that my “friend” had been gossiping about me behind my back.
When I heard the hurtful things she’d been saying, it cut deeply. If someone talks behind your back, they will likely do the same to you. A real friend will respect your privacy and never betray your trust.
7. They Only Reach Out When They Need Something
Friendships should be mutually beneficial, but I had a friend who only reached out when she needed a favor or emotional support.
She never checked in on me or offered help when I needed it. That’s when I realized that the friendship was one-sided. A true friend will be there for you when you need them, not just when they need something from you.
Related: How to deal with Jealousy in a Relationship
8. They Try to Control You
A controlling friend is not a friend at all. I had a friend who constantly tried to dictate my choices—who I should date, what I should wear, and how I should live my life.
It was exhausting and manipulative. A true friend will support your decisions, not try to control them.
9. They Don’t Celebrate Your Wins
When you achieve something significant, a true friend will celebrate with you. But when I launched a project, my friend barely acknowledged it and quickly changed the subject.
This lack of enthusiasm made me realize that she wasn’t truly happy for me. A real friend will rejoice in your successes and take the time to celebrate with you.
10. They Make You Feel Unimportant
A good friend makes you feel valued and important. I had a friend who would cancel plans last minute and ignore my messages for days. It made me feel like an afterthought.
If a friend constantly disregards your time or effort, it’s a sign that they don’t value you as much as you deserve.
11. They Disrespect Your Relationships
A bad friend may try to undermine your romantic relationships, family connections, or other important friendships.
I had a friend who constantly made negative comments about my partner and tried to create tension in my relationship.
This kind of disrespect only showed me that she wasn’t a real friend. A true friend will support your relationships and help you maintain healthy connections with others.
12. They Don’t Apologize When They’re Wrong
Apologizing when you’re wrong is a sign of maturity and respect. I had a friend who once betrayed my trust, and when I confronted her, she refused to apologize.
Instead, she blamed me for overreacting. A true friend will take responsibility for their actions and apologize when they hurt you.
13. They Make You Question Yourself
If a friend constantly criticizes your decisions, ambitions, or appearance, it can make you doubt yourself.
I remember feeling uncertain about my choices after spending time with one particular friend who made me question everything about myself.
A real friend will support you and encourage you to be the best version of yourself, not make you feel insecure.
In summary
Recognizing these signs was key to taking control of my emotional well-being. It wasn’t easy, and distancing myself from that bad friend was a difficult decision.
But since then, I’ve learned that friendships should bring joy, not stress. It’s okay to walk away from those who drain your energy or make you feel insignificant.
True friends will never make you question your worth.
Have you ever been in a destructive friendship?
How did you handle it? I’d love to hear your experiences. Share your thoughts in the comments!
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