Forgiveness in a Relationship (How to pardon your partner)
Forgiveness is the key to a happy relationship. It is the ability to change your negative feelings, attitude, thoughts, and action toward your partner. It means giving your partner a second chance not minding how deeply they have hurt you.
It includes putting off anger and bitterness, and your plans to take revenge on your partner.
It is very important because it keeps you healthy and happy, and also helps to save a failing relationship. Forgiveness keeps a relationship moving without any encumbrances.
Any relationship without it is bound to fail because two cannot walk together except they are in agreement.
People find it difficult to forgive their spouse not because they can’t, but because they are not willing to let go.
When you forgive your partner, it means you recognize how hurtful their action is to you, but you are ready to let go and give them a second chance to know if they will repeat the same mistake.
According to Research, “Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.”
Is there anything that should not be forgiven in a relationship?
As it is necessary to have a forgiving heart, are there transgressions you shouldn’t pardon in a relationship?
It all depends on you. If you cannot continue with their constant abuse, cheating, lying, controlling behaviours, and their unwillingness to repent, then it is better to end the relationship.
No sin is unpardonable except you don’t have the heart and willingness to forgive your partner. If you discover that the situation is getting out of hand, then you can look for an alternative way to resolve the relationship problem or you quit.
Here are the ways to forgive and move on in a relationship
1. Listen to what your partner has to say first
I know how hard and painful it is to pay attention to someone that have hurt your feelings. But to be able to pardon he/she, you have to listen to their excuses even if they are not justifiable.
Let’s assume they decided to apologize for cheating, lying, or for doing any other thing to hurt your feelings, give ears to their apology first.
Don’t be in a haste to dismiss them or their reasons. Listen to them, it will open your heart to comprehend the situation and equally place yourself in their shoes to know if you will also make the same mistakes.
2. Remember that he/she is imperfect
To err is human. Everyone make mistakes.
Remembering that your partner is not perfect will give you the heart to forgive him/her.
It is quite unfortunate that love hurts. But if you can perceive it in this perspective-that no one is perfect, you will find the heart to show mercy to your significant other.
3. Let go of every negative feelings you have towards them
Forgiveness is all about letting go. Let go of the hurt, bitterness, anger and the intention to retaliate.
Refrain from criticizing them when you might have forgiven them.
Even if you never wanted to pardon him/her, do it for the sake of the relationship and to obtain peace of mind.
Research shows that unforgiveness brings depression, anxiety, elevated blood pressure and decreased immune response.
So, you are making yourself better when you forgive your partner than to go around with grudges and pains that will cut your life short.
4. Accept them with all your heart
Forgiveness is all about accepting someone not minding the pains they have caused you.
Accept your partner with all your heart and learn to love and trust them again.
You have forgiven them means you are willing to give them a second chance. It equally means you are ready to move along with your partner in order to sustain your relationship.
So, be determined to accept him/her with all your heart. Whether they apologized or not.
One of the benefits of forgiving your partner is that it shows the amount of strength you have in you. Weak people take revenge, but the strong ones let go.
If you have refrained from expressing your love for them, start loving them again. It is a way to show that you’ve pardoned them with all your heart.
5. Don’t use the opportunity to manipulate him/her
Most couples manipulate their partner immediately after forgiving them.
Some controlling behaviours like forcing your partner to go against their will, always making them feel guilty, intimidating, and abusing them emotionally shouldn’t be your way of taking revenge.
Rather, try to forget your past feelings and move on with him/her.
Here are 5 things to do when your partner refuses to forgive you
1. Get them their favourite gift
If your apology was rejected, try to apologize again using a gift.
Get him/her their favourite gifts and tell them you are very sorry for everything that happened. Package your gift in a way they will find it irresistible.
Buying them a gift to ask for forgiveness does not mean you are bribing them. It is just to show how sincere you are. That you’ve repented with all your heart.
Here are the right ways to ask for forgiveness.
2. Invite their best friend to help you apologize to them
Where you failed to obtain mercy from your partner, their best friend can help you change their heart.
All you have to do is to meet them and explain the situation to them. Ask them to help you apologize to your partner. If it didn’t work, invite a few of your closest friends to help you out. Any of these will help you to win their heart.
3. Feel remorse and don’t repeat your mistakes
You can convince your partner to pardon you by showing remorse for what you’ve done.
If you cheated, lied or even abused them, repent from it. Even if they fail to pardon you now, they will later reconcile with you.
Just live a life that will show you’ve repented and are not going back to your old mistakes.
Quotes about forgiveness in relationships
1. “There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.”
2. “To err is human, and to forgive is divine.”
3. “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32
4. “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13
5. “Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness. But a sign that you have control over your emotions.”
6. “Any relationship without forgiveness is equivalent to an unhealthy relationship.”
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